I've posted before about how, whilst the Potty Family is complete and there will be no more little soldiers joining the ranks, every now and again Mother Hormone reaches over and gives me a bit of a nudge. There I am, motoring along, thanking god for how much easier it's all getting and congratulating myself on managing to keep the boys (and myself and husband) alive and in one piece for another day and then I turn on the tv, see a shot of a newborn, and BAM!
Suddenly I'm transported back into the world of snuggly babies, one on one time, and pipedreams of little girls to take some of the edge off being the sole representative of truth, beauty and the feminine way in a houseful of testosterone.
It's been happening quite a bit lately, due mainly to the fact that various friends and family have decided to go for it one more time and produced late additions to their teams. Even the voice of reason has been starting to be waiver a little; reminders that I'm now 42, that I already have two healthy sons, and that my life is full enough are starting to be a little muffled by the baby-powder scented muslins that Mother Hormone seems to be holding around my ears...
Last night changed all that though. Usually the boys sleep reasonably well. There may be a midnight shout-out from Boy #1 for a lost blanket, or from Boy #2 for a lost bear, but they mostly let us sleep. So it must be Great Aunt Reason who decided it was time to wake Boy #1 at midnight (too dark, mama, too dark!), again at 4.00am (no, it's really too dark!), and his younger brother at 6.00am with a wee-soaked and very smelly bed that needed changing completely. (Apologies to those of you who've forgotten that hell for the reminder).
As I returned to bed at 6.30am with a very tired and upset Boy #2 in tow for a bit of a cuddle, to try and enjoy the last 15 minutes before the alarm went off, Husband rolled over and said to me through bleary eyes "And last night is why I'm so happy we're not having more children."
Quite.
(Now excuse me whilst I try and get some shut-eye on my keyboard...)
If you're up any way, what does it matter that there will be one more squawking? ;-)
ReplyDeleteI think SPD is just causing trouble, PM. It's a classic stage, though, isn't it, the realisation that, despite all you;ve said, that this is really it. I still feel it very occasionally and i'm a tad older than you and my boys are 10 and 12. We'd def have had three if we could, it just, er, went wrong, and that was when I was 37. 0-5 is such a long haul but then it;s suddenly over and you feel the loss of it all, just as you're simulataneously embracing and enjoying all the new things they become. Oh, so serious, Milla!
ReplyDeleteMother Nature does that to you. 'Aah aren't they cute'....'we could still have another one'...
ReplyDeleteDont listen to it. Its a conspiracy of nature that conveniently makes you forget the hard times. I've got some earmuffs you can borrow if you want?
I had two children and wanted an another one desperately every month until I had my hysterectomy at an early age. I was always stopping in front of baby stores, picking out baby furniture and clothes and toys and even thinking up names. I am sure I was meant to have four children, but I just didn't get them ever, because my then husband had had a vasectomy. He just wanted the two. A boy and a girl. Now our son is dead and we only have a daughter and I think about the children that we didn't have...
ReplyDeleteOh shit.. what have I done?
ReplyDeleteBM x
People often ask me if I'm "going to have any more?" which is a bit odd considering I am separated and 42 and the likelihood of me getting hooked up between now and menopause seems unlikely. Mind you, I watched a fantastic documentary the other night call The Business of Birth, produced by Ricky Lake. Lots of pg women and newborn babies. Did make me feel a bit "oh, if only" and "it would be nice to do it all again". Then I realised that I haven't even had to wipe a bottom in the past 3 days and that I struggle to cobble together a cup of milk for the boys first thing in the morning...and I reconsider.
ReplyDeleteThe thing I always think about is this. I would never say "I wish I hadn't had X", and I don't think I would ever feel it either. Once you have a person, as opposed to an idea, it feels very different. So therefore, could I ever have too many children? So therefore, why stop?
ReplyDeleteLuckily, there are some other arguments to counter this one.
SPD - you are a very bad man. Not helpful AT ALL!
ReplyDeleteMilla, wise words and so true about the loss of babyhood at the same time as enjoying the people the boys are becoming.
RM, thankyou, although after last night I don't think I need them.
Irene, so sorry to hear that.
BM, no going back now! (And it will be fine. Plus, you'll be so tired you won't notice if it's not. If that isn't a contradiction in terms...)
Nicola, another 42-er! Hurray! And have the secrets of life, the universe and everything been revealed to you in Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy styley? Me neither.
Iota - and they are? (Other than how completely exhausted I felt this morning after three wake-up calls, that is...)
ReplyDeleteHi there, great blog. I spotted it via British mummy bloggers.
ReplyDeleteYour post brought back memories, even though my boys are now 7 and 9. I still get interrrupted sleep, yet can continue through the day, even though I feel like death. Such is the resilience of mummyhood lol.
I agree with Milla. It i sth erealsiation that this is it. I'd love more. Am bit more sorted on that one, was very etxreme straight after having my daughter actually, I suppose cos I knew I cdn't have any more. I wd have had four very very happily. I do find myself thinking tho, when I stagger up in middle of night or have a broken night, 'boy I really cdn't do this any more, I'm just too old!!' I'm also 42, & havign had endometriosis, probably nearly menopausal. Oh joy.
ReplyDeleteI often wonder what other Paradsie gene combinations wd end up like. And what all those 13 fertilised embryos which didnt stick in mywomb, were like...
I have a friend who had a second baby when her first was 9. Came as a massive shock as she'd 'totally forgotten just how bloody crap lack of sleep is'!
ReplyDeleteThree, four, six, I think once you've had two babies you're up for anything!
OK, (she steps in importantly), I thought I was all sorted when mine were 7 and 10. Or at least thought the husband was sorted. But no. Had another one at 41 didn't I? And I tell you - having babies in your thirties is a piece of cake compared to doing it in your forties. Not to mention the age gap, which makes them almost like an only child.
ReplyDeleteI had the pangs for a third, but decided to put it all behind me as I reached my late thirties because "I didn't want a toddler at 40". Ha - the irony!
It's true. I saw a friend with a newborn just the other day and felt incredibly broody. On the other hand, I didn't envy her the sleeplessness, worries about breastfeeding, painful nipples and the fact she was walking like John Wayne.....
ReplyDeleteHi HB, (and apologies for the abbrev., don't take it personally I do it to everyone...), thanks for commenting. And I find it easier to make through a day with no sleep the night before if there are plentiful supplies of chocolate and diet coke around...
ReplyDeleteParadise, first off welcome to the 42 club (we're all coming out of the closet on this one it seems...), and secondly, regarding your last paragraph, well I don't have any words really. Other than that makes me realise how lucky I was.
Tara, you're probably right. Though let's not find out...
EPM, are you implying that the knot didn't stay knotted? Oh, the horror. Actually, there was no op, but my parents did a similar thing; my sis and I were 9 and 7 when my bro arrived. I don't know how they managed!
NVG - walking like John Wayne. Hold that thought whenever you get the broodiness a-visiting!