...or are they?
Husband returns from Moscow on Friday. Feels a bit ropey, complains about a headache, slumps on the sofa all evening. Retires to bed at around 10.30pm, asking if we have any paracetomol.
Husband wakes up moaning, groaning and generally being a bear with a sore head. Asks for paracetomol again (which I have to dig out of the bottom of my bosky handbag because he has finished the stuff in the cupboard without telling me) and the thermometer. Takes a reading in both ears.
38.4deg C and 38.6deg C.
I think; 'Not low but not bad. We should be able to get some stuff done today.'
Husband says, in voice of doom "That proves it then. I'm sick", and retires to bed for the day.
Muffled laughter from the kitchen as I try not to think about how high my temperature would have to be for me to consider that an option...
However, Husband then spends the next evening and night alternatively throwing up and doing the opposite thing, so I am forced to revise my opinion somewhat and become slightly more sympathetic. Not too much though. That might encourage this illness-type activity...
We are both exhausted; Husband from his nocturnal bathroom activities, me from being woken by them and being asked to fetch buckets and remedies at 4am. Husband's temperature still the same, and he rattles as he walks (not far, obviously) from all the paracetomol. Around 9.00am a thought occurs to me and I ask tentatively if he thinks he might have swine flu. Husband is surprised and unsure, so I go and check the symptoms online.
I present Husband with a printed out sheet. He reads it. The voice of doom reappears. "I definitely have it." I source some tamiflu, go out with boys to fetch it, bump into a friend on the way and we laugh consipiratorially about men and illness. Even so, when I get back with 'the goods', I wipe all the surfaces he's touched with antiseptic wipes. Just in case. And actually, it doesn't take long, since all he's done since he's been back is lie in bed and use the bathroom. (For those of you who snigger 'same difference' I ask you to keep that to yourselves...)
Husband spends the rest of the day in bed. I cancel all our scheduled activities and take the boys out for lunch where I console myself by stuffing down a mexican burger with fries. Better build myself up to fight off infection...
Definite improvement but not out of the woods yet - he tells me. Some 'light work' undertaken with the blackberry and the laptop, along with a pre-booked visit to the chiropractor which I suspect he mainly went to so he could come back and point out that the guy hadn't noticed there was anything wrong with him., so chirpractic really is a load of old bull...
I wonder what happened to my weekend.
Husband is sitting in the lounge having a meeting as I write.
I love him, but - hmmm.