Wednesday, 14 October 2009

House Rules

The management reserves the right to close her ears to repeated requests for biscuits only 20 minutes before dinner.

The management reserves the right to leave coffee cups and empty drinks cans and cartons where they have been discarded.

The management would like to point out that on the counter top does not equal in the dishwasher. Neither does in the kitchen sink.

The management kindly requests that voices be kept low in the morning as Air Traffic Control at Heathrow have been complaining they cannot hear the incoming flights.

The management would like to remind residents that whilst laundry is part of the service, folding, pairing socks and putting clothes away is not.

The management is not a servant.

The management kindly requests grandparents not to call between the hours of 5.00pm and 7.30pm because that is the witching hour and if you do pick up the phone to her then you will get a short answer.

The management wishes she could leave the phone to ring at that time but is unable to do so as she is invariably overcome by panic that if someone does call her then, that it must be important; i.e. hospitalisation at the least. Having a chat does not count as important - it can wait until 8.00pm.

The management reserves the right to surreptitiously bin crxp plastic toys from the front of comics when no one is looking.

The management reserves the right to deny all knowledge of their whereabouts when questioned.

The management would, just for once, like the oppportunity to finish what she starts in the smallest room without interruption.

The management reserves the right to shout if she is not granted this opportunity...


  1. I am putting that up on my fridge, especially the plastic crxp one...

  2. I have one more to add:

    The management reserves the right to NOT carry 2 lunch boxes, 2 schoolbags, 3 PE bags, 1 guitar, 2 afterschool folders & pencil cases, 3 high visibility jackets, 3 helmets and 3 bicycle chains when you are all perfectly capable of doing this yourselves and she already has her own handbag and briefcase to deal with (amongst other things).
    On a Monday.

  3. Love your house rules! Like Millenium wife it is going up on the fridge. Actually it is going to be framed on the wall and reminded at monthly meetings!

  4. Love it. May adopt some of these myself.

  5. Love it too.

    In my house the Management also refuses to spend 20 minutes on my hands and knees searching fruitlessly for the umpteenth lost bakugon/clone trouper helmet/smallest missing lego piece known to man. The rule is PUT YOUR TOYS AWAY and then there is a remote chance you will know where to find them tomorrow.

  6. The management requests that clients stop losing their Iron Man toys and demanding the management to find it. Again.

  7. Absolutely love this, I'm actually thinking of bringing it into work in addition to using it in my household. The management over here is reserving the right to drink copious amounts of alcohol right now and not deal with anything that requires moving any body part (excluding my right hand for essential drinking motion), I've lasted 5 minutes and been asked how to 'sort the washing into piles for the washing machine'.

  8. MH, oh, those toys piss you off too?

    LCM, I bow down to your superwoman-ness...

    PHM, feel free to amend as suits the management at your establishment.

    Mwa, I hope for your sake it's not the last two.

    Nicola, I knew I'd left something off!

    Lisa, can I substitute Transformer / Power Ranger / Bob the Builder / helicopter / Playmobil for Iron Man?

    Nina, you just made me laugh out loud - because that so easily happen here. Oh, who am I kidding? It would NEVER happen here - for reasons that are so embarrassingly obvious I'm not going to spell them out...

  9. And that - for any fans of 'The Castle' out there, goes straight into the pool room! Absolute classic. I will bring these points up at the next HCM AGM.

  10. Oh so so true.. love the one about going to the loo..! Why why why do they always want to come in just at that moment?

    BM x

  11. Chez moi - The management will help whatever child needs to find something the night before school, but WILL NOT lift a finger to do same if search is left till five minutes before time of departure next morning.

  12. Lol. That Grandparent one is so accurate! Our parents always ring at that time, my Dad is the worst culprit. 'Dad I'm bathing the children' and he STILL insists in trying to have a conversation at the risk of their drowning.

  13. AMEN!

    Those stupid little toys... anything from McDonalds that they have had for more than a week is fair game for the bin... then I throw food scraps in on top of it so it is either burried and can't be seen or it is so disgusting it can't be retrieved.

  14. Must work some more on mine....

  15. HCM - let me know if they have any impact, would you? They don't here... (which is why I resort to posting them online)

    BM, I don't know, it's like they have a homing device.

    EPM, and the same goes for requests to polish shoes (I would make him do it himself but at 6 and 3 it's just not worth the hassle and the extra cleaning)

    WJ, grandads just don't have a clue when it comes to health and safety, do they?

    Mummy McT, and cereal box toys too, don't forget those!

    DG, oh, this is the SHORT version!

  16. Couldn't agree more with these - well said!

  17. The management would like to go to the toilet all by herself and because the door is closed, it doesn't mean that there is another door in the bathroom that I'm going to escape through so you will not see me again. (This is to my dog and cats who insist on coming in with me when nature calls)

  18. Superb and all SO true! My oldest is 11 now and she still interrupts me when I'm in the smallest room - I have a feeling it never actually gets any better...!

  19. Bloody brilliant.

    If only they would listen.....

  20. Genius. Esp the plastic toys from the front of comics. It's like a horrible cycle of stupidity: Buy comic to shut child up. Comic ignored by child in favour of plastic toy. Plastic toy played with for 23 and a half seconds. Child goes to bed. Mother bins comic and toy. Next day...
    Won't fit on my fridge - would love on front of MumsRock? Let me know if that would be okay?!


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