Saturday, 24 January 2009

Stop Press Saturday

It's Saturday so, rush rush rush. Whoever said the weekend was for relaxing either had help, or no children... This is just a quick post to share a couple of pearls of wisdom with you whilst the troops are on manouvre in Holland Park with their father;

1. Should you develop diziness and have difficulty seeing, do not automatically assume you have developed sinusitis leading to orbital cellutis * like your father did last week. Before hitting the panic button take the following steps;

a. Go to the bathroom
b. Remove contact lenses
c. Switch them over to opposite eyes
d. Resume every day life
e. Feel slightly embarrassed over drama-queen tendancies

2. If, having spent 2 fruitless weeks trying to potty train your son, you decide to put the whole sorry business on hold for a while, be sure to advise the relevant child. Otherwise he will come bustling into the kitchen, plump little buttocks flashing for all the world to see, and proudly hand you his easily-removed pull-up nappy which is now full of pooh. He may not have got the point about delivering the pooh into the potty rather than his pants, but he certainly understands that it's not particularly comfortable to wander around 'fully-loaded'. As you gingerly dispose of the evidence in the loo whilst trying not to tip it all over your shoes, he will then ask for a chocolate button for being so helpful.

3. It doesn't matter how tired you are, how distracted you are by arguments over which Power Ranger is best - the Blue or the Red one - or that you are racing to get your children into their pyjamas before 'A Farm Life' starts on Discovery so they can have their daily slice of muck, bullets and orphaned lambs. Forgetting to put your un-potty trained younger son into a nappy before bedtime is never a good idea.

Although Febreze does help with the clean-up process the next morning.

* Note; Orbital Cellulitis is actually a very serious condition - click on the term to check it out. I had never heard of it before and yet it kills 20% of those develop it, with a further 20% of survivors losing part of their sight. If you ever develop double vision (non-alcohol related, clearly!), go straight to hospital.


  1. Those few snatched moments of freedom.... so precious. The joy of which is up there with meeting lover or finding the shoes in the sale in your size. As for pooh it will get better, and is possibly better than finding the kittens have "been" in the laundry pile....... but only after you have picked it all up !

  2. Gosh, I hope your dad was ok.

    Red power ranger. Every time.

  3. Your posts are always hilarious and so well written. Thanks for both brightening my day and educating me at the same time!

  4. TR, oh no. OH NO. You see, there's a reason we have no pets...

    Iota, he is (thanks for asking), but a little shaken up by it all. To be at home in bed one morning and then find yourself being operated on at 1.00am the following day is bit of a shock to the system.
    And is it the Red? Really? I am not well-informed on this matter, as Boy #1 has stated...

    Nicola, thanks for visiting and being such a polite guest. You can definitely have one of my virtual pieces of home-made shortbread to go with your virtual hot chocolate (I imagine it's cold over there...).

  5. Award for you over at my place.

  6. This made me laugh! Thank you. I needed to smile as hvae been miserable about the freezing cold here all day. You're so funny lady... x

  7. Potty Training book saved my Sanity!!
    Men’s Health Magazine (Sept. issue) recommends Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day: Proven Secrets of the Potty Pro by Teri Crane. My husband picked us up a copy after reading the article. IT REALLY WORKS!!

    Everyone is talking about throwing a "potty party" to potty train a child. I was so desperate; I was willing to do anything. Her book outlines 10 themed parties. What kid doesn't love to play and pretend? All my mommy friends have successfully potty trained their kids with her book too.

    Honestly, when I first learned of this book, I thought NO WAY! Maybe this would work on a little girl, but NOT a BOSSY, 2-1/2 year old BOY. NO WAY! Guess what? It REALLY WORKED!!! Teri Crane SAVED MY SANITY!!! Her book was easy to read, funny and extremely helpful. I can't thank Teri enough. I would HIGHLY recommend this book to EVERY parent. It will save you much grief and frustration. Potty training shouldn't be difficult, we as parents make it difficult because we don't know what to do. Teri teaches you. Buy the book, it's the best money you will ever spend

    Most amazingly, I had some questions, so I called the author, and she CALLED ME BACK!!


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