Tuesday 3 November 2009

Slap-stick comedy

So yesterday morning I went along to a photo shoot with A Modern Mother - check here to see why, and who else was there. (I didn't want to go, you understand. Just like her, I felt this really was taking things a step too far, but for her sake, I did it. Oh, the pain...) And the immediate upshot was that I ended up with a face-full of make-up by 11.30am.

Anyone who's met me will know that cosmetics and I are not the best of mates. Admittedly, I wouldn't be without my close personal friends, mascara and eyeliner, but as to those trollopes eyeshadow, foundation, lippie? No better than they should be. Oh, I've tried to make nice with them over the years, really I have, but every time I think we've worked things out and are getting along well they double-cross me and I end up looking either as if I have two black eyes and smacked cheeks, or so understated that nobody actually notices I've bothered with them...

However, make-up artists don't earn that title for nothing, and after the initial shock of yesterday's experience - who the hell is that woman in the mirror? And what happened to her hair??? - I actually decided I quite liked the effect. I have no idea how to reproduce it, mind, and was far too overwhelmed by the whole thing to do anything sensible like make a note of what product and colours were being applied, but still, I thought I looked OK.

Amazingly, by the time I got home it was still in place (the reasons for which became clear yesterday even when I had to remove the mascara with a pick-axe, but there you go, you have to suffer to be beautiful - or so I told myself), so I was interested to see my family's reactions.

Husband was gratifyingly impressed. I suspect he was also wondering why I don't make this level of effort a little more often, but I didn't like to open that particular can of worms.

The Boys, however...

Well, Boy #2 took no notice whatsoever - until at lunchtime, sitting next to me, he spotted a glimmer of lipgloss left on my mouth. His expression became more serious. He stood up in his chair. He leaned over - and wiped it off. "All better now!"

Maybe not quite the reaction I was hoping for.

Boy #1 walked straight past me when he got home. When asked by his dad if he could see anything different about his mum, he gave me a cursory once-over and shook his head dismissively. Later on though, when I bent down to help him with something, he did a classic double-take. "What's that?" "What's what?" "That. Stuff." "Oh, it's make-up. Do you like it?" "It looks spikey. All pointy around your eyes." "OK. But do you like it?" "No." "No?" "No. There is no way I am wearing that to school tomorrow."

He has a point, I suppose.


  1. Children can be so cruel. I once had my hair permed - there are no prizes for guessing in which decade this took place - and my lovely second son wanted to know 'who broke your hair Mummy?'. Honestly it wasn't that bad! These days I have my 'cosmetic' routine down to moisturiser with a sunscreen and regular applications of lipsalve. Sad but true, more a survival attempt than beautification. The meticulous artwork of my youth is alas, like my youth, no more.

  2. I thought you looked fab, even with all that pointy stuff on your face.

  3. You can always rely on boys to say what they think. At least you are on regular talking terms with mascara and eyeliner, after our latest fight, I can't even find mine to get back onto talking terms with.

    PS - you all looked amazing! Any chance of anyone sending me a scan of the magazine article as I'm longing to know what everyone looks like!

  4. Sharon - I remember when my mum had her hair permed in the 80's. My dad refused to speak to her for three days. Didn't stop me from doing the same thing - and looking very much like a poodle as aresult - when I got to uni though...

    Right back at you, Modern. What did the girls say?

    Brit, yes, boys do tell your their real thoughts, that's for sure (of course I wouldn't have it any other way...). And yes, of course I'll send you the article when it comes out.

  5. Just had a look at the video. Whichever one you were Boy #1's drawing was pretty accurate...

    I might even buy Red magazine to read the article (then again, if you are going to scan it here then maybe I could just read it here!)

  6. Hilarious! I saw the UTube on MM's post, ok it was a bit blurry but I thought you carried it off with dignity and decorum. Well done PM, another one for the girls x

  7. I thought your pointy stuff was a triumph! In fact, I've still got mine on ....it may well be permanent ....

  8. Why thankyou Rachel (on behalf of all of us there). Obviously I had taken my lion's mane off for the shoot...

    MH, thanks - although obviously what she didn't show you was us talking instead of doing what we were told. Something tells me you won't be surprised by that.

    DD, so glad it's not just me with problems getting the mascara off!

  9. what tremendous fun, and well done!

    and you are still up on the deal: ok, so you are insulted by your own offspring, but on the upper hand you get the hairdo and flappy eyelids. those are delights to treasure, these postchild days.

  10. It looks like you girls had a fantastic time. I had my face "done" once before I got married. Now if I pop mack up on the MiniMads want it too. Maxi has been to school with pink nails and lip gloss before now!!

  11. I remember my mum getting a perm and my brother and I hated it, and told her so. I must remember to apologise to her next time we talk. I'm more in a position to understand what that must have felt like.

  12. Grit, 'flappy eyelids'? Have you been stalking me?

    Mad House, luckily with my boys disgust for all things girly I don't have to share the few cosmetics I own!

    Frog, you said it!

    Iota, I know. We were all beasts to our mothers, weren't we?

  13. Haha!!! I love that #2 wiped off your lipstick. My son just asks to have some put on too. He can be found painting his own lips sometimes which is odd because I really don't do lippy very often.

    You all look great, by the way!

  14. You looked fab!! And it was lovely to hang out with you all morning :) Hope to see you soon.


Go on - you know you want to...