Wednesday, 17 December 2008

In which the scales fall from my eyes...

Just how naive can a potty mummy get? (For 'naive', read 'dumb', by the way).

It was an interesting morning today. Boy #1 and I dropped his brother at school, which in itself was a bit of an epic trip. I nearly lost it on the Warwick Road; my two back-seat drivers were sending me crazy...

Boy #2: "Go! Go! Go! Faster!"

Me: "I can't, Boy #2. The lights are red..."

Boy #2: #"Go. That. Way!"

Me: "Boy #2, I can drive, thankyou."

Boy #2: "Put. Your. sun. shade. Away. Mama!"

Me: "I need it down to shade my eyes, the sun's very low today."

Boy #2: "Ow! OW! Sun. in. my. EYES!"

Me: Y"es, I know..." (I turn right)

Boy #1: "Why are you going this way, mama?"

Me: "Because there is heavy traffic, so I'm trying a shortcut... blast." (or something to that effect)

Boy #2: "Truck! Rubbish. Truck. Mama! In. The. ROAD!"

Me: "Yes, yes, I know..."

And so on.

By the time I got home with only Boy #1 in tow, I was not in the most relaxed frame of mind. I pulled up the blinds in the sitting room, and as I did so, noticed that some of the remaining tree biscuits - the ones on the slightly lower branches - had definitely been tampered with. Little bite marks in the edges of the tree-shaped ones, missing points on the stars.

I was not best pleased.

However, at the back of my mind, there was a seed of doubt. I have two boys who could easily have done this, yes. But when Boy #1 denied all knowledge, looking at me with his big grey-green eyes as if butter wouldn't melt, I actually believed him. Mainly because, in addition to two hungry boys there are other small creatures in this house that would make short work of a biscuit or two.

I've been in denial, but it's time to face up to it.

Those pesky mice are back. And they are no doubt delighted with the snacks I've been so carefully leaving out for them.

(Needless to say, any broken tree biscuits that had formerly been stored in the tin for future consumption have now been thrown out. Along with my illusions...)


  1. Wow. I'm so looking forward to when Jonathan can sit in the back and tell me how to drive (sarcasm). Currently he has decided screaming as if he has seen a spider would be good to do while I am turning at a stoplight, nearly giving me a heart attack. I kept asking him where the spider was but he just giggled and screamed again. I'm guessing there was no spider after all.

    Sorry about the mice. Do you want one of our three cats? I'd gladly put one in a box (with holes of course) and ship it over to you. Preferably the one who stinks to high heaven and sat on my cellphone the other day with her stinky butt! If she doesn't chase the mice down the stench will chase them away!

  2. This did make me laugh, PM. I had a similar revelation a few months ago when I realised that the boys hadn't been taking Weetabix out of the box and eating half, but something else had.....

    but are you sure that mice can climb trees?

  3. Believe me, mice can climb trees. I had an Indiana Mouse with the ability to leap almighty chasms (alright - jump from the work surface to a bag hanging from the outside of the kitchen door containing cereal). NOTHING is safe from the little blighters.

    I tried being nice with humane traps and sonic devices I really did. But I'm afraid I submitted to poison having found poo down the back of my new sofa.

    It has gone a bit quieter since then...

  4. You know, this has the makings of a great Christmas movie. Next thing you know, you'll drink something that tastes funny, and all of a sudden you'll shrink down, and start exploring little holes in your skirting boards. If I were you, I'd employ a good script writer. Who knows where this could end?

  5. to be honest, if you hung up delicious spice biscuits around our house, i'm not sure i could withstand the temptation.

  6. biscuits for little furry friends....and no mention of pest control. the festive season is bringing the best out in you!

  7. We used good old fashioned traps with a piece of bacon. Worked like a charm. More humane than poison, I think.

  8. I did think little boys wouldn't just nibble, would they? Similar thing happened to me when my chocolate under the bed got nibbled. Eugh! Hate mice! Kill them quickly!

  9. It's mice. They can RUN up leads and electrical wiring so exploring your tree would be a veritable playground - with bonus free food - for them. No more Mrs Nice PM methinks, time to get nasty, call in the exterminators!

  10. I'm with Grit...hanging up delicious biscuits thru the house...I have to hide the Twix bars and the Pims from myself now...make it all that much harder to get at in the middle of the night...

  11. Heh heh, I have back set drivers too. And no, not the evil mice. Now I'm wondering whether to make those cookies. We already get slugs in the kitchen. I really don't want them in my lounge, shiver. Or should I say, sliver. Bleurghhhhh.

  12. J's Mommy, thanks so much for your kind offer of a cat, but I think that this time I will pass...

    NVG, I think mine has crampons and a pick-axe.

    Mud, ah yes, poison, I would you know, but the problem is the Boys and their curiosity. I have put it down at night before, when they're in bed, but it needs to be picked up when they get up, so it hasn't been very effective so far. Sadly.

    Iota - are you offering to do the job?

    Pig - I just knew you'ld say that...

    Grit, yes, I know, I brought it on myself. Dammit.

    GM - my generosity knows no bounds!

    Irene, again, great idea, but little toes and little fingers can also get trapped in those, so not at the moment I think.

    WM, I'm doing my best!

    Sharon, definitely. My next call, I promise!

    Screamish, or, in my case, the Green & Blacks chocolate bars. God knows who buys them, but here they are!

    Jo, you have my sympathy. Many years ago I lived in house with slugs in the kitchen. Not a favourite discovery in the morning when you're in your bare feet, I remember!

  13. And (just to spoil it for everyone) you do know that mice have no bladders don't you? They just wee everywhere, so if they've been on anyone's pantry shelves etc. get the bleach out immediately.

  14. Yuck yuck yuck reading all your mice comments..

    And why is that the children always yell "GGGOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo Mummmmmmmyyyyyyy" when you are sitting at a red light?

    So unnerving.

    BM x

  15. she's right, expat mum is right. Expert climbers and incontinent.

    And a merry christmas to you Potty Mummy.


  16. EPM - I did know that. But thanks for reminding me...

    BM, you're right. Though perhaps it's not quite as unnerving as being the person in the car next to you when they see you as the driver banging your head on the steering wheel in frustration.

    Pig - I can always rely on you...


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