Bing Bong!

Rise and shine Campers, and welcome to a glorious new day here in Sunny Pines School Summer Holidays Park!

We have a packed day ahead, so let's get started early with our first mandatory activity: at 6.50am it's Waking the Parents by bouncing all over them. Never mind that no-one needs to get up for another hour; there's a whole day's fun waiting for us, let's get to it! And if your lazy lie-abed mum and dad don't want to play ball, a spot of recreational wrestling over who gets to play with the plastic sperm whale culminating in one or either of you smacking your sibling - or for maximum effect, your parents - across the head with it should get them out from under that duvet in a hurry...

After Waking the Parents, it's time for the Getting Dressed Challenge. And the challenge is... stringing this one out for as long as possible! Never mind that you want to go outside and race around in the Sunny Pines summer rain - who needs shorts and shoes to do this when you're wearing your pyjama top and a pith helmet? Prizes will be awarded for the contestants who manage to make it past 10.00am still not wearing their underwear...

The fun never stops here at Sunny Pines, as we move onto the Great Breakfast Moan. What? You've been up since 6.50am without a whimper? Time to put a stop to that! Demand a blow by blow intinerary of forthcoming events from your parents, and those of you who manage to extract a 'head in hands' moment from them before they've even finished their branflakes will make it onto our special role of honour...

At Sunny Pines we pride ourselves on keeping things moving even when it's pouring with rain outside, so for those of you not signed up for summer school, why not take part in our Household Rumble? See how much mess you can make when confined inside with only your brother, some colours and an A4 pad for company! Extra points will be awarded for such initiatives as pencil sharpenings being emptied all over the floor, or uncapped felt-tips being stuffed down the back of the sofa. And never forget that inspired art can make just as good use of crumbs found under the dining room table as it does of paints and stickers.

Towards the end of the day when you're getting a little tired, why not join the Sunny Pines team in our 'Major Play for Early TV Watching?' Start with the incessant requests around 2.00pm and if you're a gold-level whinger you may even find you reach your goal early, in time for Power Rangers at 3.00!

And who needs those term-time-polite dinners? At Sunny Pines, you can join in our 'Dinner Time Complaints Fest' and drive your parents that little bit closer to the edge for extra fun! So you used to eat that chicken / casserole / sausage pasta without complaint on a school night? Not any more, Campers! Demand your chicken nuggets like a good holiday guest and watch your parents' plans for a summer of healthy holiday eating shrivel and die like the sweetpeas planted in the same corner of the garden you use for your unscheduled loo breaks... Then drown the chicken / casserole / sausage pasta in ketchup and eat it all without a word - just to keep them on their toes...

Finally, let's finish the day the day with the Bed and Bath Marathon. Extra points will be awarded for shrieking, splashing, standing up wees in the bath, racing naked around the house, racing naked around the garden, racing naked around your neighbour's house, and then tantrumming because all this naked racing activity has meant you missed the 6.40pm showing of Charlie & Lola on C-Beebies.

And just for good measure, if you can stimulate your parents to break open the wine before they even pour you your bedtime milk, you will gain maximum points and go straight to the top of the leader board!

Good luck, Campers! Have great day!


Please note: 'Sunny Pines' is not a real holiday camp. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is completely coincidental. (My sons are angels). All events and competitions detailed above are fictitious. We are not taking bookings.