Bing Bong!

>> Friday, 17 July 2009

Rise and shine Campers, and welcome to a glorious new day here in Sunny Pines School Summer Holidays Park!

We have a packed day ahead, so let's get started early with our first mandatory activity: at 6.50am it's Waking the Parents by bouncing all over them. Never mind that no-one needs to get up for another hour; there's a whole day's fun waiting for us, let's get to it! And if your lazy lie-abed mum and dad don't want to play ball, a spot of recreational wrestling over who gets to play with the plastic sperm whale culminating in one or either of you smacking your sibling - or for maximum effect, your parents - across the head with it should get them out from under that duvet in a hurry...

After Waking the Parents, it's time for the Getting Dressed Challenge. And the challenge is... stringing this one out for as long as possible! Never mind that you want to go outside and race around in the Sunny Pines summer rain - who needs shorts and shoes to do this when you're wearing your pyjama top and a pith helmet? Prizes will be awarded for the contestants who manage to make it past 10.00am still not wearing their underwear...

The fun never stops here at Sunny Pines, as we move onto the Great Breakfast Moan. What? You've been up since 6.50am without a whimper? Time to put a stop to that! Demand a blow by blow intinerary of forthcoming events from your parents, and those of you who manage to extract a 'head in hands' moment from them before they've even finished their branflakes will make it onto our special role of honour...

At Sunny Pines we pride ourselves on keeping things moving even when it's pouring with rain outside, so for those of you not signed up for summer school, why not take part in our Household Rumble? See how much mess you can make when confined inside with only your brother, some colours and an A4 pad for company! Extra points will be awarded for such initiatives as pencil sharpenings being emptied all over the floor, or uncapped felt-tips being stuffed down the back of the sofa. And never forget that inspired art can make just as good use of crumbs found under the dining room table as it does of paints and stickers.

Towards the end of the day when you're getting a little tired, why not join the Sunny Pines team in our 'Major Play for Early TV Watching?' Start with the incessant requests around 2.00pm and if you're a gold-level whinger you may even find you reach your goal early, in time for Power Rangers at 3.00!

And who needs those term-time-polite dinners? At Sunny Pines, you can join in our 'Dinner Time Complaints Fest' and drive your parents that little bit closer to the edge for extra fun! So you used to eat that chicken / casserole / sausage pasta without complaint on a school night? Not any more, Campers! Demand your chicken nuggets like a good holiday guest and watch your parents' plans for a summer of healthy holiday eating shrivel and die like the sweetpeas planted in the same corner of the garden you use for your unscheduled loo breaks... Then drown the chicken / casserole / sausage pasta in ketchup and eat it all without a word - just to keep them on their toes...

Finally, let's finish the day the day with the Bed and Bath Marathon. Extra points will be awarded for shrieking, splashing, standing up wees in the bath, racing naked around the house, racing naked around the garden, racing naked around your neighbour's house, and then tantrumming because all this naked racing activity has meant you missed the 6.40pm showing of Charlie & Lola on C-Beebies.

And just for good measure, if you can stimulate your parents to break open the wine before they even pour you your bedtime milk, you will gain maximum points and go straight to the top of the leader board!

Good luck, Campers! Have great day!

Please note: 'Sunny Pines' is not a real holiday camp. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is completely coincidental. (My sons are angels). All events and competitions detailed above are fictitious. We are not taking bookings.


Strictly 17 July 2009 at 17:46  

Well, the bad news is, mine are 5 and 10, and you have just described -cbeebies +cbbc, our day.

nappy valley girl 17 July 2009 at 18:45  

Your day sounds much like mine. I would also add an hour's scheduled activity of tired whinging over tiny things such as brother getting his food first, Mummy putting shoes on rather than you, and, on one stupendous occasion, weeping for half an hour because you didn't see the ducks crossing the road when Mummy pointed them out in the car and you weren't looking.

elizabethm 17 July 2009 at 22:18  

It is so amazing to read this and be reminded that the compensation for the encroaching wrinkles and the saggy tum is that my children are adults now, and so they come home for a weekend and cook a fabulous prawn curry and are witty and funny and generally delightful. Never, ever thought it would happen when dealing with YS poohing the bath while his sister shrieked and climbed up my legs.
Great blog.

sharon 18 July 2009 at 08:24  

I'm with elizabethm but can add that visiting them is even better as we don't have to lift a finger for a whole weekend! In return we refrain from throwing tantrums over who got the best bits of the roast/lasagne/stir-fry, or which pub/wine bar to visit ;-)

Only another 20 years or so PM!!!

Sparx 18 July 2009 at 08:34  

Oh ho ho ho ho!!!! I love this post so much. We only have one but he's definitely signed up for that camp. We're on holiday and you have never seen so many limits pushed. Or actually you probably haven't. It's a first for me though!

Hadriana's Treasures 18 July 2009 at 08:58  

I didn't have the youngest with me last night (usually sleeps in my bed)...he was at granny's. I thought I would have a lovely lie in. But bing! eyes open at same time he normally batters me awake. Typical.

Great post. Award for you over at mine. :)

The Green Stone Woman 18 July 2009 at 16:34  

I'm trying to remember what it was like and for the life of me I can't come up with any such memories. They all must have been wiped from my mind or I had perfect children. No, that can't be right. I must have had the forgetfulness elixir to drink at one time and now all my memories look like one giant pink cloud with two very sweet little children in it. Just think, it will be like that for you too one day. You will think back on it with such fondness and sweet sentiment that nobody will believe you.

Expat mum 18 July 2009 at 21:18  

And when they're about ten years older it goes -
lie around all day; avoid shower until mother threatens to withold XBox privileges; eat lunch (PB&J of course); lie around some more; play You Tube videos; ask for Xbox time; lie around a bit more; stay up till after parents have gone to bed causing them to keep asking when you are going to go to bed; sleep in very late next morning.
Etc. etc. et bloody cetera.

Potty Mummy 18 July 2009 at 22:37  

Hi Strictly, thanks for commenting (though I recognise your picture, so perhaps we've met before?), and are you trying to tell me this gets worse?

NVG, different country, same old shxt...(!)

Elizabeth, prawn curry? I will live in hope...

Sharon, they have their OWN homes? Whilst I don't want to lose my boys, now THAT is a goal to aim for!

Oh Sparx, I so loved your oky okey post as well - even though I just would never have had the nerve to do the bra-less thing... Wish I'd seen it though!

Thanks HT! And I hope you get a longer lie-in tomorrow (as if..)

Irene, as ever, I'm exaggerating for literary effect... And I have to say that whilst I might not blog about, these summer holidays I have had moments of such contentment with my boys that I would never have imagined even a few months ago.

EPM, thanks. No, really, thanks. Because I needed to know that it's going to get worse to make me appreciate what we have now...(!)

Dancinfairy 19 July 2009 at 10:57  

This is so funny. And a little scary! But mainly just funny (for us spectators anyway, you have the patience of a saint I reckon).

Potty Mummy 19 July 2009 at 16:54  

SC, there's only one response to that, isn't there? Ho de ho! (And for those of you non-Brits amongst us, that's not as bad as it sounds...)

DF, well obviously MY children don't behave like that. Obviously...

Hot Cross Mum 21 July 2009 at 21:34  

Totally hilarious. I have just had a little G&T spit from laughing out loud. Please can I come for a mini-break? Please, please. It sounds like such larks!

clareybabble 25 July 2009 at 22:38  

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has to put up with standing up wees in the bath...

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