Fat is a Bloggamist Issue...

>> Thursday, 20 November 2008

Fat is a bloggamist issue right now, it seems. Lots of us are focusing on it, and Tara at Sticky Fingers has even gone so far as to set up a blog with two friends, specifically about losing weight and supporting those who are trying to do the same thing. Check out BlogToFit and be swept away by the enthusiasm and determination of the team...

Now, right at this moment, at this particular instant in time, I am not overweight. Sure, I am a few kilos heaver than I would like to be, and probably 4 or 5 more (9 - 10lbs) than my fighting weight, but I haven't been there since before I got pregnant with Boy #1, and frankly? It's a distant dream, and I know it.

I could get there of course, but only by making changes to my lifestyle that just don't seem worth it. I already go to the gym 3 times a week where I burn calories and sweat buckets in a most undignified fashion, I eat healthily, and I don't drink during the week. Or even very much at the weekends, sadly. (Though that self-discipline is more to do with the hideousness of dealing with children whilst battling a hangover than any weight-related concerns.) So if I want to shift those last kilos it would mean - horror - going on to skimmed milk, eating grilled chicken with salad, cutting out the carbs, and shunning the chocolate. Which, if you know me at all from reading my blog, is never going to happen.

It would also mean facing up the fact that the little lies I tell myself about food are just that. Lies. Come on, you know the ones I mean... you probably have your own. Here's my list, in no particular order, developed over many years of self-delusion;

- If you are travelling abroad, food has no calories. Once you leave these shores, the calories stay behind. (They can't get passports, apparantly.)

- If chocolate is eaten whilst you drink a diet coke? No calories. (In fact, the diet coke trick works with just about everything).

- It takes more calories to eat a stick of celery than that stick contains, so if you put it in a sandwich or salad, guess what? The rest of the snack has no calories either. (Unfortunately I don't particularly like uncooked celery but cucumber does just as good a job in my mind...)

- If a biscuit is broken in two, the calories have leaked out. Stands to reason.

- If it's a vegetable - no calories. (Which is handy, because put me in front of a plate of roasted vegetables and they're history...)

- If it's eaten standing up - you guessed it. No calories. Or at least, the immense effort of staying upright cancels them out.

- This one is a classic, of course. No calories if left on the children's plate.

- No calories if no-one sees you eat something.

- Butter is good fat. We need it in our diets or all our fingernails will break and our hair fall out. Actually, this happened to a friend when she was young and foolish and cut all fat out of her diet. I wish it hadn't - for her sake, obviously, but also for mine as now I feel entitled to have butter in the fridge. Which leads me on to...

- If it's on a crispbread (i.e. Ryvita), no calories. So a ryvita smothered with butter / peanut butter / cheese / taramasalata / guacamole (not all together, clearly) is a healthy snack. As is the second, third, fourth and fifth...

- If you walk to pick the children up from school, a Starbuck's Hot Chocolate is the least you need to keep you sustained on the long 20 minute trip.

Those are the first of my 'food fibs' that come to mind - and I haven't even scratched the surface or spent more than 10 minutes thinking about it. What are yours?

Come on, spill!


Tara 20 November 2008 at 12:43  

Oh that's easy - I've had YEARS of practice.

It's illegal to go to the cinema and not have butter popcorn.

Just this once won't hurt

Hobnobs have oats so are positively good for you

Anonymous,  20 November 2008 at 12:55  

Dark choc and red wine are good for the heart (obviously).

Any food that is free (e.g. if someone buys you dinner, on a flight, in a hotel for work) is most certainly free.

Champagne has less calories than wine, and is good for digestion.

Bring it on!

nappy valley girl 20 November 2008 at 14:23  

I was going to say the same as Mud - if it's food that someone else has bought for you, it doesn't count.

And if you have done some exercise (eg a cycle ride, yoga class, long country walk), you can eat what you like. You deserve it.

The Dotterel 20 November 2008 at 16:43  

And don't forget the 'freebies' in a BOGOF don't have any calories at all!

The Boisterous Butterfly 20 November 2008 at 16:53  

If you eat a large container of low fat yogurt with a very small spoon you will use up all the calories you consumed by eating it that way. It's the absolute truth and the longer it takes you to eat it, the less calories it has, even to the point of minus calories.

Adventure Mother 20 November 2008 at 17:32  

I did a 2 day calorie intake/expenditure comparison whilst at Uni. and burned up more calories baking some cheese scones than eating them!

Now, there's a thought!

Footballers Knees 20 November 2008 at 18:36  

Wine gums count as at least 3 of your 5 a day. Rock cakes have raisins - that's another. Mars Bars have calcium. Americanos are made from coffee beans - that's beans'n'pulses (as we were taught in Food'n'Utrition).

So my diet has gone extremely well today.

Jonny's Mommy 20 November 2008 at 19:50  

Agreed on all of these. Only, a Diet Pepsi negates calories in my family.

Oh how you now my battle and how how you must know that I can not rid myself of the chocolate. The empty package of M&Ms on my desk right now is proof.

Thank you for the tips and for the site. This fatty plans to check it out. She had her picture taken with her niece today and when she looked at the picture she asked who the dead/bloated body next to that little girl was and then realized it was herself.


Potty Mummy 20 November 2008 at 21:36  

Tara, anything with oats - even if topped with cheese, butter and chutney - couldn't possibly be bad.

Mud, had forgotten the dark chocolate and red wine one, good call!

NVG, why do you think I work out 3 times a week? Because that's 3 days when I can eat what the hell I like, that's why.

Dotterell, why, of course you are right. I'm surprised Tesco don't use that as an advertising slogan.

Irene, excellent! I must remember that one...(does that also work with chocolate mousse, do you think?)

AM, I like it. No, actually, I LOVE it.

FK - if your mother could hear you now...

J's Mommy, the photo situation sounds familiar. Happened to me on holiday in Australia, when I caught myself wondering who the portly woman next to my sons was. The realisation that it was me is what galvanised me into the 3 gym trips a week routine...

Samurai Beetle 21 November 2008 at 00:29  

Well since I've been breastfeeding, I discovered a website that says baby needs fatty foods to create hind milk so I justify mayonnaise and butter.

Tracey 21 November 2008 at 02:16  

Oh yes.

Ones to add:

If you have done any prolonged exercise in the past .. oh.. month at least...(like cycling for more than 50km) you have actually earned and NEED all those calorie-ridden foods you then scoff. (And those calories have been nullified by that exercis. Yep, for that long afterwards.)

If you manage to get through one day of healthy eating, the weight loss fairies will make sure you drop a kilo, just as reinforcement. (I am continually devastated that this doesn't seem to work - I am obviously not wishing hard enough.)

sharon 21 November 2008 at 03:23  

Fruit'n'Nut chocolate is sooo good for you that you can eat twice as much. Antioxidants and fibre in one package.

Chocolate digestives - wholewheat, what more do I have to say!

Bubbles are calorie free so champagne is obviously the way to go when drinking.

Fish is so good for you so the tartare/hollandaise/buerre manie sauces become calorie free.

Fresh fruit salad is also so good for you that the accompanying ice cream/clotted cream etc is positively virtuous.

Heck, I could do this all day long, better stop though as it's making me feel a bit peckish ;-)

Samurai Beetle 21 November 2008 at 15:17  

and 4% cottage cheese is also justified due to breast feeding.

A Modern 21 November 2008 at 19:04  

How about the marketing of white chocolate buttons -- they are good for you because they have calcium!

Samurai Beetle 21 November 2008 at 19:16  

oh here's one husband just came up with - Cookies and Cream ice cream blended with 1 scoop of protein to make a protein shake negate the calories!

Samurai Beetle 22 November 2008 at 01:24  

and finally, dessert eaten before 5pm is less likely to stick to the middle.

Potty Mummy 22 November 2008 at 14:43  

SB, I love all your myths, but ESPECIALLY the cookies and cream one...

Tracey, you and me both on the not wishing hard enough. Maybe we both need a pair red sparkly kitten-heeled shoes to wear and tap together 3 times...

Sharon - you are a pro. That's all I have to say.

Modern - aren't they?

that girl? 23 November 2008 at 21:51  

I agree with Tara on the popcorn issue - no film be it at the cinema or on DVD is complete without it. But only salted, not sweet and butter is a complete bonus!

Red wine helps to break down the fat content of the meal.

If you have a butter croissant with a skinny cappuccino then it doesn't count.

I will have more will power tomorrow cos the will power fairies are stopping by whilst I sleep tonight to make me like Elle Mcpherson!

Pig in the Kitchen 23 November 2008 at 21:53  

vinegar. if you add vinegar to anything, it instantly neutralises all fat and calories.

So pizza and vinegar is practically health food.

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