Stopping the rot before it starts

At Boy #1's school in London, bullying wasn't much of a problem - at least, not in the 15 months he went there. I suspect this was because Reception and Year 1 had their own sites away from the big kids, meaning that the general atmosphere was fairly laid-back and low key. So we never had to deal with it.

His new school in Moscow, however, is built on a much larger scale. Sometimes this is definitely an advantage, as with the library that parents have access to with a life-saving dvd section full of kid's titles. As with the cafeteria that is open to parents all day and which does a mean hot chocolate and the only freshly-squeezed orange juice I've come across in the city so far. Or as with the outdoor ice-rink that the children get a lesson on every week in winter when the weather is cold enough.

Sometimes, however, the disadvantages of a larger establishment become apparant too. Yesterday afternoon post pick-up, the boys were in the playground and Boy #1 was targeted by two 2nd graders who were looking for someone to torment.

What do you do in that situation?

Usually my stance is to keep an eye on things and perhaps offer a little helpful advice along the lines of 'stay away from them, if you can't do that then ask them why they're doing it (and hopefully make the aggressor realise what an idiot he is), and then finally, if all else fails, fight back - although be prepared to run fast if you do...'

This time, however, the boys were 2 years older and substantially bigger. Boy #1 stood no chance, and these 2 unsupervised boys showed no sign of letting up. So I committed the cardinal sin, and confronted them myself (I mean, my son had been forced to take refuge under a wooden vehicle in a snow hole and was beset from both sides by these two boys).

I walked up to them. The ringleader saw me coming and scarpered, but his cohort was cornered. "Why are you doing that?" "What? I'm not doing anything!" "Come on. You can see he's not enjoying it. Why would you continue to chase and push someone smaller than you if you know they don't like it? Really, I'm interested. Why?"

A look of confusion crossed the boy's face. A grown-up was having a reasonable conversation with him about something that he was plainly in the wrong on. What the hell was going on? "Don't ask me. Ask my friend. He's the one in control, he's the one telling me what to do."

Now I was the one who was confused. "So does that make it alright? Doing something that you know is wrong just because someone else tells you to?" He shrugged. I tried another tack. "So, do you always do what people tell you to? Do you always do what your mum tells you to, for example?" "Yeeeesssss." "Oh, come on. I doubt that." "Well - sometimes, I do...." "Thought so. I think that maybe this time you could think for yourself and see this is not the right thing to do. Otherwise I might have to find your mum and talk to her about this."

He thought about that, and melted away whilst I pulled Boy #1 out from under the wooden ambulance (how fitting) where he had found refuge.

End of conversation. But not, perhaps, end of situation. I'm worried that I did exactly the wrong thing, but I couldn't just stand by. Not only were my motherly instincts up and fighting but the whole unfairness of someone smaller being picked on got to me too.

On the plus side, he didn't seem unduly perturbed and was happy to continue playing with his friends for a few more minutes before we headed home. And as he doesn't share break-times with the class these boys are in, the only time they're likely to cross paths in the near future is when I'm around. Also, thanks to the Moscow winter, the children are all so heavily disguised at the moment with their snow gear and hats that I'm hoping that the fact I put Boy #1 in a different coat and snow pants this morning (rather than his previous orange / red combination, which did make him rather visible) means he might just slip under the radar until the aggressors have forgotten all about it...

But what would you have done?