Gymtastic

>> Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Random thoughts winging their way in and out of my consciousness during my first sojourne on the treadmill for some time, this morning;

God, this is hard work. OK, let's step it up. 6K an hour is not going to cut it in the losing weight stakes...

...does that Rapid Restore stuff being advertised on Sky Sports really work? Because our kitchen work-tops could do with some attention... But then, what if it doesn't, and messes them up, Husband will kill me...

...what? WHAT? She is not really going to wear that frilly top on the stair master, is she? She is. She IS! Well, what do you expect, she's only a size 6 (that's a '2' to you lot over the Pond). Probably dieted away her brains already...

...OK, let's push it now. Up to 10K. What's that in miles per hour? Let's see, 3 miles = 5 kilometers, which means that, bugger, it's only 6 miles an hour. 6 miles an HOUR? Why does it hurt so much, then?...

...I need water...

...ooops! OK, OK, we're alright, nothing to see here people, nothing to see. Just a person overbalancing slightly when their ipod cord caught in the handle of the machine. Could happen to anyone...

...I don't think anyone noticed that...

.... now that wouldn't have happened on the Treadclimber. Maybe I can swap over. Is that scary butch lady still on there? Need I ask? Of course she is. '20 minutes only' the sign says. It's been at least... 10. OK...

... how long is that ad for the Rapid Restore going to last? Maybe it does work... Oh, and look at that, only £29.99 for 3 bottles and a special squeezy thing to apply it. And a whatchamcallit for the end of your mop... Stoppit, stoppit! I must resist. I muuuuusttttt resiiiiiiiissst...

...oh, look at that. The spinning class is finishing. Gosh, they look even hotter than I do. What IS that man wearing? What is it that Crazy Trace calls them on her blog? Budgie smugglers? There must be at least 3 down there...

... whoops! Ha. Just caught myself. Think I got away with it...

...how long now? 14 minutes. ONLY 14 MINUTES? My watch must be slow. Let's check the wall clock...

...it's not slow...

...come on, come on, come on...

...dammit, I forgot to take Boy #1's homework book in again. Hope he doesn't make me apologise to the teacher like he did the last time...

...oh, there they are, the couple in matching shirts doing their matching Powerplate exercises. Sweeeeet. Do they know how ridiculous they look on those things?...

...mind you, they are quite toned...

...maybe I should book a session?...

...19 minutes... Christ! Who's the sweaty bright red creature in the mirror next to me? She should clearly slow down. Ahem. Yes, that is, in fact me...

... slowing down now... 19 minutes and 55 seconds, 58 seconds, aaaaaand Stop.

Thank heavens for that.

I reckon if I walk home, I totally deserve a frappucino...


Note: This is of course all highly exaggerated. I am in fact a finely tuned athlete who takes her training extremely seriously.

Now pass me one of my children's Easter eggs, please.

14 comments:

Mummy M 29 April 2009 at 21:39  

LOL:) I'm totally feeling the whole gym experience! Great blog!

K

Titian red 29 April 2009 at 21:44  

I gave up going to the gym when I found myself swimming with the Samoan rugby team and felt completely at home. I suppose really that should have been the moment I started to go more often. Hey ho

Titian red 29 April 2009 at 21:46  

And thank you for the tag. Looking forward to doing it justice.

Tracey 30 April 2009 at 01:18  

Arrgh, budgie smugglers...in the GYM? Run awaaaaay...

Very funny post PM.

sharon 30 April 2009 at 03:34  

I admire your dedication PM. If nothing else the budgie smuggler guy would have turned me off completely! Recent op means I am now back to gentle supermarket shopping but only if accompanied by DH or Son 2 to lift and carry - the shopping not me for which they are eternally grateful!

Potty Mummy 30 April 2009 at 09:16  

Thanks for the visit and the comment MM.

TR, 'swimming with the Samoan rugby team'? How did THAT happen? I think this one deserves a post...

Tracey, they were a longer version of budgie smugglers, masquerading as cycling shorts. But they did the same job...

Sharon, at least you get some company, I suppose?

Tara 30 April 2009 at 09:40  

You had time to think on the treadmill? Girl, you are clearly not working hard enough!

The Gossamer Woman 30 April 2009 at 10:45  

Thank you for sharing your inner most thoughts. You're so honest. I wouldn't dare having a look at myself in the mirror while doing any sort of exercise. It would embarrass me so. I only look in the mirror once or twice in the morning when I prepare myself to go out and that's it. I don't want to be reminded of myself the rest of the day. You're a very brave and determined woman.

Mud in the City 30 April 2009 at 11:00  

Gyms are hideous places where time warps and budgie smuggling is de rigeur. Ugh.

But you have certainly earned some Green & Black's after all that effort!

Katherine 30 April 2009 at 21:04  

Gym...ugh....no, no, no, no! I admire your dedication. I did a rather strange pilates/aerobic fusion type class once; it left me hot and bothered, I never went again. I lost my will to exercise when I realised I could no longer do a sit up at the sedate pilates; my stomach muscles are shot to pieces. I'm hoping my manic b/feeding baby will help me shed those..ahem.."extra" pounds. It happened with the 2nd baby but think I'm pushing it now. Maybe those weight watchers points things will work? (I dunno, the mums' on the playground talk about points, in relation to what they can/can't eat; sounds a bit complicated to me)

Potty Mummy 30 April 2009 at 22:30  

Tara, my waistline agrees with you...

Irene, or, I'm just a sucker for punishment.

Mud, and in the absence of G&B's, well, one of the Boy's easter egg will do fine.

Katherine, thanks for commenting and good luck with the weight watchers - I don't think I have enough brain cells left to calculate the points system, sadly.

aims 1 May 2009 at 05:42  

hehehehe - totally cracked me up PM!

Isn't this the way our poor pea brains work these days? Mine sure does! I thought I had written that - but then again - I'd have to have tried exercising in the first place so you must have.

Iota 1 May 2009 at 12:39  

But, PM, why on earth do you go to the gym? It sounds like such hard work, all that running and puffing. You can totally have all those random trivial thoughts in the comfort of your own home, with a cup of tea, pottering round the kitchen. I do it all the time. Takes practice. Takes commmitment. Takes motivation. But just think of it as an investment of time in the early days. It'll pay off in the long run. Once you're used to it, you'll be wondering why you ever wasted money on a gym membership.

Potty Mummy 1 May 2009 at 20:41  

Aims, pea brain? Please! Mine is at least the size of a grape...

Iota, no doubt you're right. But I'm not hardcore like you - I only have two children. I need the gym to make up the shortfall in hard work between 2 and 3...

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