Wednesday, 3 September 2008

A tale of 2 e-mails

For some time now I've been trying to persuade my sister to write a post for my blog. This is mainly as a result of pure laziness on my part, but is also heavily influenced by the fact that she is absolutely hilarious in print (and in person). She hasn't had the chance to do it yet - get her, with her full time job and busy life - so, with her permission, I bring you an e-mail exchange between us that happened yesterday...

The names have been changed to protect the innocent...

From me to her:

Hi Sis,

got your message re: Boy #1's birthday present. I know he would like some of the following but if you would prefer to get him something else that would be fine too:

Talking books (fairy stories, adaptations of movies etc etc)
Anything Power Ranger related (he's never seen it but there you go)
Anything Transformer related (I think he would really like something that transforms into a dinosaur but doubt that exists, so whatever you think)
Colouring books
Playmobil stuff

That's it! Got to go now - school run calls (my life is just SO glamorous...!)

PM x

From her to me. (No salutation. Typical.)

Excellent re. Power Rangers, was thinking how I’d like to buy him an outfit, as Son J had a succession of them from ages 4 to 8. I have to confess, Boy #1 did watch an episode with Son J when he was down, I cannot tell a lie – it was I who cut down the cherry tree. I chaperoned and made sure it was suitable. Think of it this way – our Olympic Taekwondo (had to look up the spelling) hope became interested in the sport after watching Power Rangers as a child – so perhaps in 2016 Boy #1 could represent Holland in their first medal attempt? Certainly not Team GB, as the name alone makes me violent. It’s in the same category as low slung jeans and flip flops for men, kissing on both cheeks, calling strangers ‘Hun’ or ‘Babe’, any reality TV programme with voting, clapping in church, speaking to your child in the third person (or, for double points, speaking to your child in the third person in a public place, very loudly and for the benefit of any childless people who may be watching i.e. ‘Darling, what would you like for dinner, let Mummy read the menu to you – how about sea bass like Mummy and Daddy and/or Posey/Flora/Poppy/Jolyon had on the yacht?’), those terrible plastic clogs which should remain in operating theatres, over-organised hen nights (they’re not dying for God’s sake, they’re just getting married, and will probably be divorced in 18 months), golf, children’s thank-you letters issued at the end of the party when you arrive to collect your child (with a group photo of all the attendees), beautifully iced fairy cakes at the school cake stall, any Cath Kidston product, small dogs, women of a certain age at work who wear low cut blouses open to their navel to show off the new boob job, Secret Santa and finally, of course, BMW X5s with tinted windows and cream leather seats. In fact, any BMX X5.

Am exhausted now, off to have a lie down. I’ll order the Power Rangers outfit and will have it delivered to yours.

Note: I was thinking of putting Sis's e-mail into paragraphs . Then I decided it worked better in it's original 'stream of consciousness' format. James Joyce would be proud, though I hope you didn't get word blindness...


  1. I'm confused. Is your sister my sister?

  2. Must admit,NH Mum - the same thought had occurred to me in the past...

  3. Wish my sisters wrote emails like that. I might suggest it.

    As for stream of consciousness - definitely best. I just hate those school blogs where the kids' writing has been edited to be grammatical and make sense.

  4. I am now truly goggle-eyed. nothing new there, but did enjoy your sis's ramblings. Made me LOL she sounds great - she needs to join blogland!

  5. you need to take sis on a girly holiday to a spa, with alcohol, and chill! that's a lot of stressful day-to-day stuff to avoid! Poor love! t.x

  6. Your sister would HATE my life, where it is compulsory to call everyone Hun and Babe, and just about everything else she refers to comes as standard. But she could write a very amusing blog about it.

  7. Oh my goodness - where does Iota live?!

    Your sis sounds fabulous PM. It's obvious the humour gallops around in your family.

  8. Brilliant! And the stream of consciousness thing - perfect!

  9. Brilliant - and the stream of consciousness thing, just perfect!

  10. A very definite family trait thing happening there. Brilliant humour and wit AND the ability to put it in words.

    I too wish I could have such an exchange of emails with my sister, especially over gifts. Unfortunately she does not share any sort of sense of humour with me. I often wonder if one of us was adopted...

  11. well there are just so many hates I agree with, namely clapping in church and Secret Santa. Your sister is awesome!

  12. I'm with her on parents talking to their kids in the third person - drives me nuts. I wish I could evemn get my sister to e-mail more, let alone write hilarious stuff like this.

  13. She completely reminds me of my sister-in-law.

    I'd comment more but....I can't see anymore due to that huge block of text that I had to read.


  14. Ladies, thanks so much for your positive comments on my sis's e-mail; hopefully it will convince her to send me more in the future (or even, who knows, start her own blog?). I could certainly do with the input...

  15. ha i liked the thank you cards with group photo moan! that doesn't really happen does it?!

  16. Oh Elsie - you have so much fun to come!

  17. I love your sister! she MUST have a blog. Particularly like the party thank-you provided at end of said pary.


  18. Pig, will pass your comment on. Something tells me that she won't have the time, but will definitely suggest it!


Go on - you know you want to...