Mothers, know your limits...

>> Monday, 22 September 2008

Aah, Mondays. Don't you just love them?

Husband rushed off to Mother Russia first thing, and this was my morning until 10.00am:

6.45am: Got myself out of bed, washed and as presentable as it is possible to be on too little sleep and a surfeit of wine from 2 days prior. Got 2 boys dressed and in the correct outfits, dealing with 'My short's are too rough, mama!' from Little Prince #1, and demands from Little Prince #2 that I reconstruct the lego airplane he had just smashed. I would have, but since it took Husband 3 hours to build the thing in the first place, and since I had only a window of 5 minutes spare in our morning schedule, I thought it was a little ambitious to begin at that moment...

7.30am: Organised breakfast for the three of us, making sure to:

a) give correct bowls to correct Boys to avoid an outbreak of warfare
b) limit number of toys Boy #2 takes to the table
c) capture Boy #2 on his way to replace the toys I have removed
d) find and put Boy #2's socks back on

7.35am: Spoonfed Boy #2 his breakfast, since otherwise we will be at the table until lunchtime

Looking quite civilised so far, isn't it?

7.40am: Spoonfed Boy #2's sinister stuffed cat (taking up valuable table space) it's breakfast, since apparantly all cats eat weetabix, taking great care not to get food on it's whiskers as this will prompt crying and protestation. Not from the cat.

7.41am: Get food on the cat's whiskers. You know what happens next.

7.42am: Wiped mouths and faces (though of course, I forgot my own).

7.44am: Supervised Boy #1's toothbrushing.

This is where it all starts to get a bit frantic...

7.46am: Captured Boy #2 from his hiding place under the table and brushed his teeth.

7.47am: Wiped both sets of mouths and faces again.

7.48am: Retrieved and replaced Boy #2's socks, requested putting on of shoes.

7.50am: Found school bag and coats

7.52am: Requested putting on of shoes.

7.53am: Insisted on putting on of coats.

7.55am: Retrieved and replaced Boy #2's socks.

7.56am: Insisted (loudly) on putting on of shoes.

7.59am: Shepherded Boys out to the car, remembering on the way to pick up school bag.

8.00am: Once Boys safely buckled in, went back to house to re-check front door locked. (As ever, it was...). Unlocked it anyway to pick up school bag left inexplicably inside.

8.02am: Drove to school, dodging mafia-black 4x4's on the way and telling myself not to take Boy #2's request to stop singing along to the radio personally.

8.15am: Dropped off Boy #1, dealing with horrendous return to 'don't leave me, Mama!' form, not handled very well on my part, and feeling dreadfully guilty as a result

And - relax....

8.35am Arrived home with Boy #2, put on today's washing, sorted yesterday's and started the dishwasher. Made the beds, completed a much too brief tidying up of the flat, and whilst glancing in the mirror, realised I had toothpaste attractively decorating my mouth...

8.55am: Retrieved and replaced Boy #2's socks.

9.00am: Took Boy #2 to the shops complete with scooter (dismantled and stowed in the back of the buggy approx. 20 meters after we set out).

9.30am: Peeled his sticky little face off the front of the glass cake display cabinet in the bakery, and hoped nobody noticed the smears (or indeed the croissant he manhandled before I removed it from his grasp and put it back in the basket...)

9.35am: Wheeled him home whilst inhaling a skinny hot chocolate (today, I deserved dairy...)

9.40am: Bribed younger son back into the flat with the promise of a Baby-cino. Husband normally makes these for him, but I figured I was up to the challenge.

9.55am: When I delivered it to him at the table, he sampled it and said:

"Baby - chee - noooo. Not. Like. Papa's."

Well, that told me...

And if you fancy a laugh (and an explanation for this post's title) watch this Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse sketch:


Kitschen Pink 22 September 2008 at 22:08  

Oh ho ho! A fairly normal time in the potty household then (please tell me this sort of thing is normal!). If it makes you feel any better - my boy loves everything the dinner ladies make but my version is never any good - then finally I got something right. My semolina is better! Not to eat - oh no! My semolina is better because you can turn the bowl upside down over your head and that's a really cool trick! I take my praise where I can get it these days. t.x

Jonny's Mommy 23 September 2008 at 02:37  

This may be why I really want to wait to have another....or maybe never.


What an adventure. But I have a feeling there are at least a couple of days where you sit down and say "I love this, even when it is crazy."

And then you kick back a few and go to bed.

sharon 23 September 2008 at 02:53  

Oh I remember those days so well PM! How did the 'pick up from school to bedtime' part of the day work out? Sometimes mine ended with a large G&T while DH did the dishes after OUR dinner - served separately as he seldom arrived home less than half an hour before boys' bedtime. Now I miss them - well sometimes I do lol!

Irene 23 September 2008 at 04:34  

I can never figure out if I need to be indignant for your sake or if I should think you are only telling us the bad parts for the sake of painful humor. It's probably best if I just stop reacting at all and assume that the children also do very nice and huggable things all day long.

valley girl 23 September 2008 at 08:08  

Littleboy 1 ALWAYS tells me to stop singing along to the radio....the other day he really objected to my rendition of Queen's Radio Gaga (wonder why?)
It all sounds familiar, but at least you are able to find the comedy in these moments - blogging is a great outlet for that!

Potty Mummy 23 September 2008 at 11:01  

Hi KP, you and me both on taking the praise - and yes, that was a normal morning. It's just that for some reason yesterday I felt like documenting it...

J's Mommy, you're right, I have those 'I love this' moments every day, sometimes even when it is crazy - but no-one really wants to hear about those, do they?

Sharon, I know, I will miss them when my sons no longer need me as much as they do now. (It's alright to moan about sometimes though, isn't it? I mean, no one ever called me Pollyanna...)

Irene, they most certainly do (the nice and huggable stuff). I'm blessed in my children, there is no doubt about it. So don't worry, no need to feel indignant - I just don't blog about the cuddly stuff because I suspect that it wouldn't make such entertaining reading! (And I have to keep something for myself...)

VG, spot on! If you can make something amusing in writing, then you can usually remind yourself of that the next day when the whole cycle starts all over again...

Anonymous,  23 September 2008 at 13:22  

And I was exhausted just getting myself up, dressed and off to work!

I take my hat off to you PM.

aims 23 September 2008 at 16:28  

Hmmm - my day?

Get up 7:45 because husband woke me.

7:50 - give pills to cat
7:50+15 seconds - give pills to cat
7:50+30 seconds - retrieve again and give pills to cat
7:51 - dig pills out of cats fur and give to cat
7:51+15 seconds - dig pills....

ahh....perhaps your day is going better than mine?

Samurai Beetle 23 September 2008 at 22:16  

25 minutes to yourself - remember the days when ...

Working mum 23 September 2008 at 22:18  

This is when I am glad I only have one!

that girl ? 23 September 2008 at 22:21  

Blimey you only got to five to ten and I'm knackered already!
I once went out... and then back to check that I'd locked the front door.. only to find I'd left it wide open!

Potty Mummy 24 September 2008 at 21:10  

Thanks, Mud!

Aims - did the cat ever take the pills?

SB, yes, I can, that's the problem!

Ah yes, WM, but you are in paid employment, which means all bets are off!

TG, don't feel bad, we've all done it...

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