A tale of 2 e-mails

For some time now I've been trying to persuade my sister to write a post for my blog. This is mainly as a result of pure laziness on my part, but is also heavily influenced by the fact that she is absolutely hilarious in print (and in person). She hasn't had the chance to do it yet - get her, with her full time job and busy life - so, with her permission, I bring you an e-mail exchange between us that happened yesterday...

The names have been changed to protect the innocent...

From me to her:

Hi Sis,

got your message re: Boy #1's birthday present. I know he would like some of the following but if you would prefer to get him something else that would be fine too:

Talking books (fairy stories, adaptations of movies etc etc)
Anything Power Ranger related (he's never seen it but there you go)
Anything Transformer related (I think he would really like something that transforms into a dinosaur but doubt that exists, so whatever you think)
Colouring books
Lego
Playmobil stuff

That's it! Got to go now - school run calls (my life is just SO glamorous...!)

PM x

From her to me. (No salutation. Typical.)

Excellent re. Power Rangers, was thinking how I’d like to buy him an outfit, as Son J had a succession of them from ages 4 to 8. I have to confess, Boy #1 did watch an episode with Son J when he was down, I cannot tell a lie – it was I who cut down the cherry tree. I chaperoned and made sure it was suitable. Think of it this way – our Olympic Taekwondo (had to look up the spelling) hope became interested in the sport after watching Power Rangers as a child – so perhaps in 2016 Boy #1 could represent Holland in their first medal attempt? Certainly not Team GB, as the name alone makes me violent. It’s in the same category as low slung jeans and flip flops for men, kissing on both cheeks, calling strangers ‘Hun’ or ‘Babe’, any reality TV programme with voting, clapping in church, speaking to your child in the third person (or, for double points, speaking to your child in the third person in a public place, very loudly and for the benefit of any childless people who may be watching i.e. ‘Darling, what would you like for dinner, let Mummy read the menu to you – how about sea bass like Mummy and Daddy and/or Posey/Flora/Poppy/Jolyon had on the yacht?’), those terrible plastic clogs which should remain in operating theatres, over-organised hen nights (they’re not dying for God’s sake, they’re just getting married, and will probably be divorced in 18 months), golf, children’s thank-you letters issued at the end of the party when you arrive to collect your child (with a group photo of all the attendees), beautifully iced fairy cakes at the school cake stall, any Cath Kidston product, small dogs, women of a certain age at work who wear low cut blouses open to their navel to show off the new boob job, Secret Santa and finally, of course, BMW X5s with tinted windows and cream leather seats. In fact, any BMX X5.

Am exhausted now, off to have a lie down. I’ll order the Power Rangers outfit and will have it delivered to yours.
Sis
X


Note: I was thinking of putting Sis's e-mail into paragraphs . Then I decided it worked better in it's original 'stream of consciousness' format. James Joyce would be proud, though I hope you didn't get word blindness...