Friday, 5 September 2008

Am I tired, do you think?

I think I may be losing it. Today, in no particular order;

I almost forgot to include butter in Boy #1's two birthday cakes. Not a complete disaster of course, but I would never normally leave any fattening ingredient out of anything I was baking. What's the point? If I want low-fat I can buy it in Starbucks... Anyway, the almost-oversight may have had something to do with the fact that Boy #2, not in nursery today, was 'helping' me make the cakes. This may have had something to do with his assumption that the second of the two cakes was exclusively for him... The apple doesn't fall far from the tree in his case, that's all I'm saying.

His 'help' consisted mainly of;

1. Continually asking to be lifted up to see even better than he was able to do so from the mini stepladder he was already standing on, usually at the most inconvenient moment.

2. Stirring the flour in the mixing bowl until a cloud of it floated up and coated everything - including us - in a fine layer of white dust (and let me tell, there is enough grey appearing in my hair due to Boy #1's school protests already, without help from his younger brother, thankyou very much).

3. Getting hold of the empty eggshells and helpfully stuffing them into his father's coffee machine in very small pieces.

4. Retrieving said eggshells from the machine, and then breaking them into even smaller pieces before spreading them over the floor in an interesting random pattern.

5. Hijacking the mop I then used to clear up the mess, and running it over the entire flat tutting as he did so, like one of those ladies from 'How Clean is Your House?'

6. Licking the bowl.

Actually, when I look at it like that, it's amazing that I did - eventually - remember the butter at all...

Then, thinking I was being ever so clever, I called Boy #1's judo centre to check if term was starting today. No answer - but it was lunchtime, so I thought I would just check the website. On the website; Class this afternoon at the normal time. I rooted around and found his judo kit, put it ready in plain view in plenty of time. Unfortunately this gave Boy #1 the chance to notice I had never got round to sewing on the badge he got last term, prompting weeping, wailing, and pleas not to go. I ignored him. We left.

We walked half way there, and then I remembered the bag with the judo kit in it, that was still sitting - in plain view - on the table in the flat. Tick, tick, tick went the clock, 7 minutes to go. We raced back to the house, Boy #1 complaining we were walking too fast, picked up the bag, piled into the car (sod global warming when the chips are down), raced to the centre, making various illegal right turns to do so (sod road signs when the chips are down), and amazingly found a parking spot right outside.

Hang on a minute.

Right outside?

How can that be?

Normally this stretch of road is heaving with badly parked matt-black 4 x 4's, bottle-blonde mummies at the helm chattering incessantly into their mobiles, and uniformed children pushing their way into the centre, scattering cartons of Innocent Smoothies and low sugar biscuts as they go.

I'll tell you how it can be. There was no blxxdy class, that's how it can be.

And to cap it all, when I got the boys home and made a quick dash to the loo, I found my flies were already undone. And probably had been through school pick-up at lunchtime...


  1. Oh PM you make me laugh so! The whole getting the little ones to bake with you is never the stress-free bonding experience we kid ourselves into thinking it might be is it? 'But we'll have fun,' we tell ourselves. 'Just this once I'll laugh at the mass destruction around me.' Maybe. Nope - it's a floury nightmare and muggins here has to clean up - again!
    But at least you tried. Good for you PM! Am so impressed you actually bake birthday cakes yourself, I'm giving you an award. Come over to my place to get it...

  2. I'm dead impressed that you make cakes too - I am so rubbish at baking that I buy them from the local patisserie at vast expense.

    As for the tiredness, I do such things constantly. I managed to lose the double buggy once for 2 entire days (by forgetting to put it in the boot of the car after a walk) - if you scroll back on my blog to January/February this year, you can read about it...

  3. You need a break. Let's meet up in New York for a girlie weekend.

  4. I think it might get better - eventually. I'm not sure though.

  5. Oh just because I mentioned I'd made a packet cake! Make me feel useless then.
    No really, I was there with you. Just when you think you're being a great mother, you realise that it only happens like that on the telly. All these mothers baking with their spotless kids, who never lick the bowl or stick their fingers into potentially lethal mixtures (raw eggs.) Codswallop.

  6. It's sweet of you to make your own cakes. I don't think I ever did that. I'm pretty sure I didn't. I could never compete with those professional looking cakes that the bakery made and the piping on top. Kids never 'help' in the kitchen, they just make a mess and have no clue what they are doing. Maybe in an other few years. Licking the bowl id always fun, though. That's all we got to do.

  7. You let him lick the bowl??? Surely the whole point of pre-school baking is that mummy gets to lick the bowl? Shocked of Norfolk.... xxx

  8. Could have been worse - I once had to vacuum Sally (helping Sarah with the baking) because she was literally covered in flour. How it got there is another story!

  9. SweetE loves to help me cook. Especially muffins, fortunately, I use a box and he jumps dumps and stirs. Usually works out okay. Anything more elaborate is painful.

  10. Thanks M/M, I will be over very soon to pick it up - as soon as I've stopped picking eggshells out from between the tiles in the kitchen floor...

    VG, now THAT's a good story. I am definitely going to look for that one!

    Iota, what a lovely idea. Can we stay at the Park Lane? I always loved their window boxes...

    EPM, you're so right. The moment you start feeling smug, that's when you turn to look at your delightful child and find them with tampax hanging off their ears. Or is that just MY children?

    Irene, sadly due to nut allergies expensive looking cakes from bakeries are off the menu for both my boys. But actually, I don't mind. I mean, if you make them, you feel - a little - better about eating them. Or at least, I do...

    KP, I made Nigella Lawsons's chocolate birthday cake. It contains, butter, sugar, condensed milk, cocoa, and 70% chocolate. Believe me when I tell you that there is only so much of that a person can lick from the bowl... In those circumstances, am happy to share with my children!

    TD, that sounds like a great story. Care to share?

    Ped, the problem with muffins is that I eat them. All...

  11. I too was making birthday cakes this weekend with a 'helpful' toddler! Not quite the Nigella experience she promises (we too were making a Nigella recipe!)
    And I wouldn't mind but when we were handing them out to her party guests and I asked if she'd like one she said: "no thanks, they're disgusting"

  12. Tara, take no notice. The little treasure was clearly just jealous of your culinary expertise...


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