Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Well, it seemed like such a good idea at the time...

1. Stuffing fistfuls of raisins down your neck to get past the 4.00 pm sugar low.

Note: this is not advisable unless you actually enjoy sitting moaning softly, hunched over at the dinner table, whilst trying to convince your children to eat their yummy and delicious dinner. "No, dear Boys, I am not writhing in pain like this because I have eaten said dinner. I am in pain because I thought that for once I wouldn't lurk in the kitchen inhaling chocolate whilst your backs are turned in adoration of C-Beebies, but decided that instead I would have a healthy snack of dried fruit." OK, so perhaps eating the whole pack wasn't the best plan...

2. Giving the Boys baked beans and scrambled eggs on toast for their tea this evening.

What was I thinking? In the words of Rene in 'Allo Allo!'; "Do not light ze candle until I 'ave opened ze window!"

3. Allowing Husband to leave for Russia on Sunday morning without first checking that on the new computer he set up on Saturday, he had actually remembered to install Word. Powerpoint. Excel. Adobe...

Oh well. "I would have done our accounts for January darling, but I just couldn't find the right programme..." (Maybe not such a bad decision, that one).

4. Not sending in a photograph of myself to the local mag that is running an article from me in it's next issue.

Well, I thought the overstuffed bag photo below, which I sent them instead of a shot of yours truly for the February issue, would do the job for March as well. Instead, they have inserted a hand-drawn illustration of a skinny brunette wearing a Supermum outfit doing the lotus position. (Trust me on this; it is not as good as it sounds. And no, you don't get to view it...). If anyone who knows me sees it they may well think I have dropped 5 stone and taken up yoga and doodling. And I have only myself to blame for not supplying an alternative.

The hunt for a photograph of myself that I actually like and which is less than 10 years old is on before the April issue goes to press.

Anyone got any airbrushing programmes?


  1. Send yourself to me. I have the technology to make you look fab. :-)
    If I can do it for me, I can do it for anyone.

  2. Oh go on, let us see!
    I should think with all the Photoshop capabilities around at the moment you should have no problem getting a pic you like.
    Having said that, no one likes pictures of themselves and I'll bet yours are just fine. You're just being a 'girl' about it!

  3. Who said it had to be a picture of you?

    I've always fancied the christy Turlington look myself....

  4. Hindsight is a wonderful thing! However - eggs and baked beans? isn't that classed as chemical warfare somewhere in the Geneva Convention? Hope you had plenty of air freshener on hand.

  5. Could have been worse...you could have been troughing prunes and added to the assault on the family's nostrils.

    And I am so relieved that I am not the only one lacking a single decent photo in the past 10 years. I simply refuse to recognise the tired, old looking woman in any photo taken in recent years. Me? I don't think so.

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  7. I'm sure I can do Christy Turlington. Men I lack confidence with, Photoshop I'm a whizz. :-)

  8. I do beans and eggs all the time, I guess I should stop before it gets antisocial. My youngest keeps saying her bottom does a burp.

  9. Katherine, thanks for the offer. Once I can find even a bad photo of myself that I can bring myself to send out, I may well take you up on it!

    Tara, you're so right. I am just being a girl. But WHY don't I look the same now as I did at 32? Why? It's not FAIR!!!!

    Mud, most excellent point. Claudia Schiffer, here I come.

    Sharon, I know, I know. All the windows are now open, despite the fact it is only 4deg C outside.

    Nicola, you said it. I think I may start putting gauze filters over all our camera lenses as a matter of course.

    Katherine (again), for you it's photoshop. For me, it's baking. Which may be why I don't have that photo I like.

    Modern, you know, in theory they should counterbalance each other, right? In reality, however...

  10. I know from having met you that you look GREAT, and don't need one, but you could always go and have a makeover and then get someone to take a new picture.....

    Beans and eggs - v funny! My children won't eat either - so lucky for me, I guess.

  11. NVG, thankyou (do you want cakes or chocolate as payment for that?), and count yourself lucky they don't like those chemical time bombs!


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