Thursday 12 August 2010

Calling all preschoolers...

Dealing with parents can be an uphill task. Getting their attention when they are otherwise engaged in boring domestic tasks (be it emptying the dishwasher, tidying your toys away, cooking your dinner, or ferrying you from one playdate to the next) can be frustrating and almost impossible at times.

So how do you ensure that your immediate needs are dealt with now, not at some unspecified time in the future when your Dad has put down the newspaper or your Mother has switched off the computer?

We at PLEAD (Push to the Limit to Ensure Adults Deliver) Solutions have the answer. After a 7 year survey in which we have conducted laboratory standard experiments in crossing parental boundaries, we can report that there are a series of short and easily completable actions and commands which, with a little training, can ensure you never have to shout for attention again.

For example, want your parent/carer to stop making the beds and instead get your breakfast ready? The answer is simple; find a handy chair or window seat and stand next to the open window waving your arms and threatening to throw a hard-edged die-cast truck out onto the street below. Or want to break up one of those long summer car journeys and get out to stretch your legs? Threaten to play the 'wee card' on your brand new car seat. Or if your intransigent and unreasonable parent is standing between you and a ride on the fairground carousel? A short and sharp session of face-down-on-the-pavement screaming may well yield the results you are looking for.

For all these tips and many more explained and illustrated, simply send 4 week's pocket money to PLEAD and by return of post you will receive your 'I'm In Charge' starter pack*.

*All applications which arrive by the end of August will receive a complimentary pack of fake poo smears and snot stains with which you can reward or discipline your newly trained parents as required...

Disclaimer: No parents were permanently scarred in the creation of this product. Please note that grandparents may require a different package.


  1. Littleboy 2 writes: I approve thoroughly. A good tip when parents are on the telephone is to insist that you speak to whoever is on the other end, and scream loudly if this is not allowed. You will both attract parental attention and ruin said phone call so that caller will not make the same mistake again.....

  2. Can't believe I forgot to include that elementary tip!

  3. Don't forget to hold your breath and faint and hit your head on a hard surface. It works real well.

  4. Jonathan says "you forgot saying over and over 'You are NOT my boss!' while making a snotty, pouty face. Ah, yes...the old classic."

  5. Child Two writes, 'don't forget to threaten to ring up Childline very loudly if your parents ever attempt to discipline you in public - works every time'.

  6. Fight back Potty! When they pull the wee card, simply hand them a plastic bottle and say, 'Yeah? Piss in that then!'

    Not that i've EVER done that you understand...

    Pig x

  7. There's also the remarkably effective 'playing deaf' technique. Also 'revenging all parental lapses on your little brother'.


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