Curing back pain, Russian-style

>> Monday, 28 January 2013

I'm not sure I've ever felt this glamorous.

I mentioned recently that I've started seeing a chiropractor here in Moscow for my back.  So far, so good - except for one thing.  He treats me in the clinic, yes - and that's fine.  But there's also another thing that I have to do to be cured, apparently.  It involves cling-film and a noxious-smelling oil. Like I said, it's glamorous.

What, you want details?  Well I believe the technical drawings for this procedure would include (Fig1); a woman smearing anti-inflammatory gel on her lower back, then (Fig 2) mixing a noxious smelling oil with water in a jar - kept handily in the bathroom for this very purpose - before soaking a disreputable-looking rag in it.  (Fig 3) depicts her wringing the soaked rag out in the sink, and in (Fig4) she's gagging slightly at the smell and balancing the fragrant material precariously across the gel smeared portion of her back.

(Fig 5) would show the same woman wrestling with a roll of cling-film (doesn't everyone keep a roll of the stuff in the bathroom for this sort of thing?  No - me neither, which is why (Fig 5.5) would show her rushing downstairs only in a bath robe, dripping yukkiness everywhere, to fetch it) and in (Fig 6) she's muttering to herself 'where is the fxxking end of this stuff?' before (Fig 7) tearing off a long piece and throwing it crossly in the bin because it got all wrinkled up and couldn't be used.

(Fig 8) would feature her wrapping the cling-film a couple of times around her midriff to keep said noxious rag firmly in place, and then (Fig 9) struggling to put a mess of stretchy crepe-bandage into a roll whilst the revolting smelling oil dripped out from  under the cling film around her middle.  (Fig 10) shows the embarrassingly long crepe bandage reaching only a few times around the woman's waist to hold the cling-film in place, and (Fig 11) the moment when she stabs herself in the finger with the special clips that cleverly hold stretchy crepe bandage exactly where it should once she is all trussed up (note- she has not the first idea of the correct name for said clips).

(Fig 12) shows the children hammering on the door to come in and use the bathroom only to (Fig 13) melt away with loud exclamations of disgust when confronted with noxious chemical smell as (Fig 14) the woman exits the bathroom to lie on the bed for 30 minutes whilst - according to the chiropractor - the medicine does it's work and helps to ease the inflammation around the affected area of her back.

(Fig 15) shows the same woman removing all the gubbins mentioned above and taking her second shower of the day to get rid of the stink.

And (Fig 16)?  Shows the woman laughing hysterically as the chiropractor earnestly tells her that to get the maximum impact from this treatment, she really should be doing it twice a day...


Iota 28 January 2013 at 20:44  

Is there no challenge you will fail to embrace for a good blog post?

Expat mum 28 January 2013 at 22:18  

Or - I could send you some of the stick on varieties we have here which do exactly the same thing?

nappy valley girl 28 January 2013 at 22:59  

The question is, does it work?
I went to a chiropractor here with no success, despite the fact that it was very nicey-nicey, with lovely aromatherapy and whale music playing...

MsCaroline 28 January 2013 at 23:56  

At least you're in the privacy of your own home. I have a friend who went to a spa here in Seoul that advertised herbal 'treatments' for women of a certain age. She found herself - starkers - along with a number of other women sitting on a bench with holes in it, each woman sitting over her own pot of boiling herbs - heels together, back against the wall - covered with a clear plastic poncho(to hold in the herby steam, I guess)getting her lady bits medicinally steamed. I'd take stinky cling wrap in the privacy of my own home any day.

Very Bored in Catalunya 29 January 2013 at 11:47  

The lying down for half an hour bit of that treatment sounded great, the rest? Not so much.

Hope your back gets better soon.

Anonymous,  10 February 2013 at 22:51  

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Will 5 March 2013 at 15:29  

Love you blog! I've been suffering with back pain for a number of years and never heard of this approach... Always open to new techniques though!

Johny Ellis 18 March 2013 at 06:01  

The best thing that you should do to help treat and manage your back pain is to consult on a good chiropractors for chiropractic massage and treatment.

Scott Griffin 14 May 2013 at 20:39  

I've never heard of a back treatment like this one described in your post. I started with back pains a few years ago and I found a great Salt Lake City chiropractor to help me with my back pains. I'll think I'll stick with my normal chiropractor but thanks for sharing!

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