In which I trawl through my draft archive...

>> Friday, 27 August 2010

My blogging mojo has stayed on holiday, it seems. Apparently there is a lot of this about right now, so I count myself in good company. However, that doesn't get away from the fact that the longer I leave it between posts the harder it gets, so here's one I made earlier and stored away in times of more plenty - at the end of last year, actually. In desperation and in search of inspiration, I just read it through this evening and despite our change of location, some of it (no names, no pack drill ,but cereal bowls and hormones may be involved) still seems relevant...


I feel as if I should have a sandwich board around my neck that reads:

'Treat with caution; Hormonal Female on the loose. May bite. Approach at your own risk'.

I started the day smoothly enough, but mid-morning bang! The Hormone fairy came to visit (any men reading, look away now) and I morphed from a fairly reasonable human being into a teenage witch (substitute 'w' with 'b' if you feel inclined). Not the normal fairly reasonable witch I've come to expect over the last few years. oh no. Instead her spikier cousin, freshly pissed off by who knows what and who, it seems, has a lot of unanswered QUESTIONS that no-one is able to answer. Or perhaps, they just don't want to get close enough to hear what the questions are. I know you don't want to know either (oh look, Aunty Paranoia has arrived too, how lovely!), but I'm going to ask them anyway...

Like...

How can a short walk with a preschooler, billed pre-departure as an exciting 'expedition' to the post office (I know, the glamour of my life knows no bounds) so quickly descend into a shouty stampy argument on the pavement outside our house over whether it's possible to scoot wearing new gloves. Even when they do look like fishes.

Like...

How long does a person need to stare vacantly into space to convince the older lady in front of them in the post-office queue that they they really DON'T want to engage in conversation about the second older lady who just stopped the queue-standing first older lady to ask if her fleece (featuring an attractive print of cats and dogs) had been hand-made for her? Would you think that would mean vacant space-staring would be required all the way to the counter, for the complete half hour it would have taken to reach it? I mean, I'm asking that question because I actually don't know; I bailed after 5 minutes of expectant looks and hopeful mutterings about long-dead cats and dogs thrown in my direction (I just have one of 'those' faces, it seems, even when I'm choc-full of Nastiness hormones) and headed to the bakers for a restorative ring donut which only made me feel dirty and used once I'd eaten it and - oh god...

Like...

Is it really so hard to put a dirty cereal bowl in the dishwasher rather than just leaving it on the work surface? I mean, IS IT??? IS IT???

Like...

How can I seemingly miraculously have been cured of my craving for chocolate and sweet stuff (I'll take this morning's donut under advisement, your honour), not really have indulged in either for around 3 weeks, and HAVE LOST NO WEIGHT? Tell me, HOW??? In fact, how can it be that I have in fact apparantly put weight on in the last day or so and....

Oh.

Right.

Which leads me to my last question....

How can a 42 year old woman forget something so obvious that occurs every month, for goodness' sake?

(And no, it wasn't pregnancy. Rather the opposite...)

5 comments:

Paradise Lost In Translation 27 August 2010 at 21:57  

Oh dear , now you've scared me! And I wonder if that's what I seem like to my kids. Having hit an 'Early menopause' I seem to feel irritable & PMT ish ALL the time. It's awful. I wnt to ask someone if it carries on like this for the rest of my life, being a crabby old witch or once I am throguh 'the change' will I suddenly be totally UNHORMONAL (seeing as there is no oestrogen there any more...It wd make sense) I hope so. I hate it.

Anonymous,  28 August 2010 at 07:37  

pretty cool stuff here thank you!!!!!!!

A Modern Mother 29 August 2010 at 09:10  

I bet the cereal bowls are left on the Moscow counters too.

apartments in dubai 29 August 2010 at 16:55  

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

Mya 29 August 2010 at 17:34  

Tell me about it. I have a couple of years on you, and it doesn't get much better, I'm sorry to say.It's quite bewildering sometimes how you can swing from a totally calm and reasonable equilibrium, to clenched fisted, murderous screamy-witch woman. My husband knows the signs and runs for the hills, bless him. Conversely, I am always very sunny and cheerful in week one of the cycle.
Mya x

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