Monday, 26 October 2009

Things I will teach my sons...

(with apologies to their father and grandfathers, and reminders to them that blogging is all about poetic licence...)

That no matter how neatly or tidily a wet flannel is folded and placed on edge of the bath, it will still get all skanky and smelly. Hang the damn' thing over a tap, the edge of the bath, the showerhead, towel-rail, please!

That socks don't pair themselves.

That on the floor by the bed is not the same as in the laundry basket.

That the women in their lives are far more likely to return their affection if the washing up is done without the fact that it is sitting in the sink waiting needing to be mentioned.

That long-ago promises to unload the dishwasher (in the face of a wife's refusal to use it because of her childhood memories of parental arguments over who's job it is to do so) have not been forgotten.

That the dishwasher fairy is a myth.

That Muriel the invisible housemaid is not invisible because she is a gift from god, but invisible because she too is a myth.

That removing an empty packet of cornflakes from the cupboard, putting it in the recycling bin, and kindly requesting that she who is in charge of the shopping replace it is far more likely to result in cornflakes for breakfast the next day than than simply leaving the empty packet there and hoping she senses it's finished.

That changing the toilet roll is not an affront to manhood.

That it is does matter which way round the toilet roll faces.

I could go on - but I'll spare you...


  1. Shoes left in the middle of the room don't magically march themselves to the door (and stay in pairs) and neither do coats dropped on the floor/hung over a chair (why?) magically float to the coat hooks.

    The laundry by the laundry bin is a particularly bug bear of mine. My boys will learn this, but I feel they may forget their lesson as soon as they leave my sphere of influence. x

  2. That tidying up your bedroom floor doesn't mean you have to put every item of clothing thereon into the laundry basket. You could hang the clean ones up or put them in drawers. You could save your mother almost an entire load that way.

  3. Brit, that shoes one is a good one - will definitely include it.

    SPD, sure, the more the merrier. Although I thought you were relatively domesticated - oh well, I guess that's bloggers goggles.

    Iota, gaaah! And, gaaaah! (In a totally supportive way, of course). I am SO not looking forward to that stage is my boys' development...

  4. This morning, my son was on his way to the washing basket with his pajamas that he'd worn ONE night because "he'd sweated in them". I suppose he got the message about the basket.

  5. And stacking plastic and glass bottles next to the recycling bin won't actually get them in there!

  6. That rubbish and recycling need taking out more than once a week and doing it just the once doesn't mean you can say you ALWAYS do it

    That it should be embarassing when the toddler is better at remembering what goes in recycling and what goes into rubbish

  7. AMEN sister! Although to be fair to my husband, he dutifully washes the dishes almost as soon as we finish eating. But he is retired now and I have had 35 years to train him. However the replacing of virtually empty items in the pantry/fridge is still an ongoing sore point. My boys have their own home now and I care not what sort of chaos they live in, that's their problem and not mine anymore ;-)

  8. Mwa, clean pyjamas every day? Now that is a habit you don't want to encourage - think of the extra washing...

    EPM, oh so true. But you're still supposed to be grateful, right?

    MaM, it SHOULD be embarrassing. But I bet it isn't, right?

    Sharon, another 20 years of this? Are you kidding me? Bxgger.

    MH, ah yes, that beauty. I assume though that this one is for your son rather than as a result of experiences with your husband...?

  9. Living alone now, I only have myself to blame if any of these things happen, and yes, they still do at times, because sometimes I'm sloppy. Oh yes, I can still blame the animals too for some of it, dust and hair and barf, etc. But they don't leave my shoes all over the place and my clothes in the bathroom in a little heap. It's amazing what you let yourself get away with when you live on your own.

  10. thanks for making me laugh....I feel like making a recording - 'shoes in basket', 'dirty clothes in laundry', 'plates in dishwasher'.... thelist is endless. I feel it is my duty as future mother in law times 3 to train, train & train....

  11. Ah, yes. I say exactly the same things. They never listen. I say 'they'. I only have one child but sometimes it feels as if the house has been taken over by a whole class of them.

  12. Irene, are you SURE it's not the animals? Because you never know, they could be working as a team and moving all your tidily put away clothes when your back is turned...

    Sam, you and me both. Mind you, our future daughters in law will no doubt find something else to get upset by. That's what they do - apparantly...

    MT, thankyou!

    RS, Yes; I think that there is some obscure law (Newton's 13th or something) that children will expand to fill whatever space is available to them. Or something...


Go on - you know you want to...