Almighty Hera, goddess of House & Hearth,
I am leaving shortly to make my annual pilgrimage to the shrine of beauteous, affordable and good quality homeware (aka John Lewis in the UK). Bearing in mind that I am making this trip in your name (cough), I beg your blessings, and ask that you will look after my home whilst I'm off on my travels and house and hearth are in care of my Husband. Hard to believe, I know, but he may have things on his mind other than maintaining the standards I know you expect. In preparation, I have made the standard offerings for your goodwill; the laundry basket is virtually empty, the beds all have clean sheets on them, the floors are mopped, the house plants watered, and the loo roll restocked. So that my Husband can make his own burnt offerings and libations to Zeus in our absence, there is pizza in the freezer, beer in the fridge, and long life milk in the cupboard.
Now, if you could just persuade Zeus not to get too free with the crumbs on the floor, to occasionally remind Husband to change the sheets, to close the windows if it looks like rain, and not to leave the deck chair cushions out in a storm and so on and so forth, I would be very appreciative...
And if you are feeling particularly beneficent, making sure that the laundry basket is NOT filled with undone laundry before I even unpack, and that there is fresh milk in the fridge and cereal for breakfast the morning we return would be marvellous.
Hera, I remain, as ever, your obedient servant*.
etc etc,
PM.
*In a slighty lapsed Catholic kind of way, obviously
Yes, I have been reading too many of Falco's adventures recently.
I am leaving shortly to make my annual pilgrimage to the shrine of beauteous, affordable and good quality homeware (aka John Lewis in the UK). Bearing in mind that I am making this trip in your name (cough), I beg your blessings, and ask that you will look after my home whilst I'm off on my travels and house and hearth are in care of my Husband. Hard to believe, I know, but he may have things on his mind other than maintaining the standards I know you expect. In preparation, I have made the standard offerings for your goodwill; the laundry basket is virtually empty, the beds all have clean sheets on them, the floors are mopped, the house plants watered, and the loo roll restocked. So that my Husband can make his own burnt offerings and libations to Zeus in our absence, there is pizza in the freezer, beer in the fridge, and long life milk in the cupboard.
Now, if you could just persuade Zeus not to get too free with the crumbs on the floor, to occasionally remind Husband to change the sheets, to close the windows if it looks like rain, and not to leave the deck chair cushions out in a storm and so on and so forth, I would be very appreciative...
And if you are feeling particularly beneficent, making sure that the laundry basket is NOT filled with undone laundry before I even unpack, and that there is fresh milk in the fridge and cereal for breakfast the morning we return would be marvellous.
Hera, I remain, as ever, your obedient servant*.
etc etc,
PM.
*In a slighty lapsed Catholic kind of way, obviously
Yes, I have been reading too many of Falco's adventures recently.
Love it!! And in answer to your question, erm no my Englishman is no better in the home and hearth. When I went back to Oz last year for ten days I returned to a humungous mess. Very very sobering. Almost makes you not want to go away doesn't it..almost..but not quite. Have a brilliant trip Vix x
ReplyDeleteFat chance, if I may say so. I stayed on in England 5 days after the Ball & Chain brought the kids back to the US, and - no one had even unpacked! They had just about been eating two square meals a day and the way the dog looked at me when i walked through the door, I don't think many tins of dog food were opened!
ReplyDeleteYou know that they do this to show how muich they care don't you? They want us to feel needed and wanted thaqt they cannot possibly live without us - problem is I just dont think they get that we dont apppreciate the effort. As you say fresh milk and an empty laundry basket are much more worth while to come home to!
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