Tales from the slopes (in which I over-share about facial hair)

>> Monday, 28 February 2011

Six words from my beloved guaranteed to send me to the nearest beauty counter in search of cosmetic assistance:

'You've got snow on your moustache.'

For goodness' sake. That has to be one of the last things one needs to hear when trying to ski through a snow-storm, surely? For whilst, on the one hand, it is most certainly something one would prefer to know about (and which perhaps explains some of the strange looks I had been getting from skiers around me), it is rather off-putting to be trying to stay upright on skis with some semblance of expertise - in itself is something of a lost cause in my case - whilst simultaneously trying to surreptitiously keep one's upper lip clear of the biggest snow flakes I had ever seen.

I don't know who I thought I was kidding with the 'surreptitious' bit though. There's nothing surreptitious about wobbling precariously down a slope whilst raising your right hand - incidentally waving a 3 foot long bright blue ski pole in a sort of semaphore styley- and sweeping it across your face every 30 seconds or so. Why so frequently? Well, I'm amongst friends here (glances nervously from side to side) I hope, so I have to admit that I had rather forgotten to tend to those pesky rather-darker-than-they-should-be hairs under my nose in the weeks running up to our ski holiday. Normally I would have been fine - wax those little blighters out of existence the moment they appear is my usual modus operandi - but for some reason the hairs that had recently come through were quite light, not very noticeable, and so I had forgotten all about them.

All very well, and probably much better for one's skin, until the damn things turned in to some kind of sink tidy for snow.

And of course the kicker was that until the flakes started to melt - which they weren't about to do in -8degC or whatever it was - I didn't even know that they were there, what with their sitting very slightly above the skin. Instead, until Husband took pity on me and shared the dreadful news, I skied merrily and messily through said snow storm, congratulating myself on staying upright and wondering if - perhaps - I had finally acquired enough technique to attract the somewhat surprised attention of other skiers. All the time with my own white beer-foam-accessorised top lip - but without, sadly, the beer.

I've said it before and no doubt will again. My life? So glamorous, it hurts.


Tattie Weasle 28 February 2011 at 19:50  

Oh God I am dying of laughter here, seriously side splitting it hurts - problem is I can just see it! Hate those pesky lip hairs....

March 17th 28 February 2011 at 20:13  

My word, there's sharing and there's sharing...!!! There's me earnestly tapping away at my very serious endeavour, about fifteen months late and now this - falling off my chair laughing !! I know what to get you for birthday / secret Santa etc etc hee hee !!!

March 17th 28 February 2011 at 20:20  

Ps sorry meant to say, I'm still laughing, a teeny bit of caterpillar action is an insignificant price to pay for being a mercurial, brooding, introspective yet fascinating brunette, trust me I should know. Still laughing. Pps. we only went and did it.. xx

Rachel M. 1 March 2011 at 01:36  

I DO hate when that happens, I'm currently traveling without tweezers until Wednesday and hoping no one will get near enough to notice the 2 dark hairs sprouting below nose region.

Retiredandcrazy 1 March 2011 at 12:04  

So - how come he's still alive? Under the circumstances you exhibited extreme self-control

Potty Mummy 1 March 2011 at 13:11  

TW, me too...

March17th - glad you liked it (although 'introspective yet fascinating'? I'm still working on that one. May be grey by the time it comes right).

Rachel, hope you're having a good trip - it sounds fascinating.

R&C, well yes but - wouldn't you prefer to know?

Footballers Knees 1 March 2011 at 13:39  

Pay back for not telling me that my moustache had frozen solid after walking around Red Square for 20 minutes?
PS As R&C says - I can't believe your beloved still lives.

Anonymous,  1 March 2011 at 18:24  

And that dear friend is why I do not ski...

Iota 3 March 2011 at 19:34  

Soooo glamorous that it does definitely hurt...

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