Polly, put the kettle on...

>> Sunday, 20 April 2008

It's been a busy day at the Potty homestead. I hadn't expected it to be, since Husband is still away and it was meant to be just me and the Boys, but we seem to have had one visitor after another today.

First off? Steve Irwin and a lion dropped by at around 8.00am. The Crocodile Hunter was in fine form, hunting down the big cat and cornering it in the sitting room. This was perhaps a little easier than usual, since the lion in question was clomping around with a pair of my boots on it's front paws, so was not able to pad around the flat with it's usual stealth and cunning. It still put up a fight though, growling and roaring like the king of the Savannah it is. This necessitated the intrepid Aussie to counter with his own shouts of 'crikey' and 'Irwin, Steve Irwin!' before the wrestling pair had to be separated for breakfast.

Steve left, but as he departed he entrusted a model Tasmanian Devil to Boy #1's care - the relevance of which will become clear shortly.

Breakfast over, I took my life in my hands and decided to fly solo for the first time. Yes, I took the Boys to mass on my own. Somewhere between the car and the church however, a miracle took place and instead of being accompanied by two squirming complainy Boys, I found that I had acquired a couple of angels who, for the first part of the service, seemed to deem it their mission to show up every other child in the building with their model behaviour.

During the opening hymn Boy #2, standing on the bench between his brother and I, reached out and took both of our hands, resembling nothing so much as a child at an evangelical church about to speak in tongues. It was quite exceptionally cute. However, the moment passed rapidly come the sermon, when Boy #1 started to demand juice which I refused to hand over, forseeing treks back and forth to the loo shepherding not just him but his brother and all our coats and bags as well (it's a central London church holding around 400 people on a Sunday morning. I am not so naive as to leave my bag lying around unaccompanied, un-Christian though that might be...). This resulted in much fierce whispering until his attention was distracted by the winsome 4 year old girl in the bench in front.

Unfortunately (and this is where the relevance of the toy animal becomes clear), in a bid to impress, Boy #1 decided to show off the charge left with him by Steve-o. His command of the word 'Tasmanian' is not good at the best of times. This resulted in his replying, when she asked him what the animal was; "A Tis..m..n DEVIL" during the period of quiet contemplation before communion.

Well, he didn't actually say it like that - that's just how it sounded to me. And everyone else around us. Her mother, not seeing the toy, and no doubt only hearing the word 'devil', shot me a reproachful look before gathering her daughter closer to her...

So, that was mass. Afterwards, we went home and were joined by the celebrity chef from Friday again, this time in full whites regalia, who insisted on accompanying Boy #2 and I to the garden where we met a friend and her daughter before going for lunch. I wouldn't have minded, but his overalls could really have done with a wash, and looked a little odd hanging out beneath his coat whilst the whole ensemble was topped off with his cycling helmet. Still, I guess that's the rich and famous for you...

When we reached the garden? Well, the chef rapidly metamorphosed into a 'pirate chef' with his sidekick the pirate captain, who commandeered the lookout post and refused to come down until tempted to do so with biscuits.

The Boys joined me briefly again for lunch in Carluccio's, but when we got back and Boy #2 went for a nap, Boy #1 went missing and was replaced by Diego, the Sabre-Toothed Tiger from Ice Age, who was hunting his prey all over the living room and doing his best to destroy what remains of the springs in the sofa (where I was trying - unsuccessfully - to take a post-prandial nap. As if. Have you ever tried to get some shut-eye with a fearsome tiger breathing in your face?)

It wasn't until dinner that calm was restored and it was just me and the Boys again.

I'm bushed.

16 comments:

Carolyn 21 April 2008 at 00:14  

Okay. That sounds exhausting, and puts me back into the no column for kid #2. (Despite the cuteness that was Csilla yesterday!)

lol - at the "Devil" comment in church.

Tracey 21 April 2008 at 00:32  

That sounds more exhausting than my weekend. The only wild animals we came across were kangaroos!

Jonny's Mommy 21 April 2008 at 02:11  

Oh I am laughing so hard over the "devil" incident. I'm sure this will happen to me someday.

Sounds like you had a super busy weekend like I did. Glad you survived.

-- Jonny's Mommy

Iota 21 April 2008 at 04:43  

Wow. K&C is a pretty exciting place...

Potty Mummy 21 April 2008 at 11:49  

I would try and tell you how much fun it all was Carolyn - but I'm too knackered...

Tracey, I'm sorry but in the 'exhausting weekend' stakes you win hands down - every time.

J's Mommy - I survived, yes. That's how it feels...

Hi Iota, yes it is, you have no idea. What with the moutainous uplands, the open plains and the deep blue ocean - all in our sitting room - how could it be anything else?

aims 21 April 2008 at 16:18  

Is it time for an au pair?

Listen to me - I don't even know what they are used for besides entertaining the husbands according to Dulwichmum....

OK - never mind.

mum's the word 21 April 2008 at 18:21  

Hi, I'm writing a feature for a national broadsheet about blogging mums. Would you be interested in talking to me?
tamsink@blueyonder.co.uk

Expatmum 21 April 2008 at 19:39  

Well you're going straight to Heaven (or Purgatory depending on what you got up to in your earlier days) for taking two little boys to church on your own. I think I would almost rather try shopping with them.

Potty Mummy 21 April 2008 at 19:58  

Hi Aims, of course Dulwich Mum didn't actually consider what I would consider the preferred au-pair route; that of the male au-pair. Anyway, it's all moot; we don't have space for one, even if we wanted one!

Hi MtW - thanks for the visit and will e-mail you separately.

EPM - Purgartory. Definitely, if based on my earlier levels of holiness...

ped crossing 22 April 2008 at 05:57  

The great escapades of boys. Never a dull moment. At least you can rest assured of their active imaginations.

Potty Mummy 22 April 2008 at 13:59  

Hi Ped. Active imaginations, yes. That's what I tell myself when I accept my 50th imaginery cup of tea and slice of cake in an hour, whilst fighting off the attentions of a hungry t-rex at the same time... It's a blessing, obviously.

Frog in the Field 22 April 2008 at 15:18  

post-what? nap? I'm getting my dictionary out, can use that word in bananagrams.

Kelly 22 April 2008 at 17:32  

Too many visitors for one day, was there enough cake to go round?? I'm exhausted just reading.

aims 22 April 2008 at 21:58  

Girl - since I can't email you I have to post this link here to a story I just read and which made me think of you.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080422.wlblog22/BNStory/lifeMain

I have never thought of this...in fact I don't even know what to say...but it's interesting!

What say you?

Grit 23 April 2008 at 00:43  

i'm laughing now at the devil incident. i'm glad these things don't just happen to me! and ice age! what a fun way to spend some time!

Potty Mummy 23 April 2008 at 09:34  

Hi Frog. 'Prandial' - good word, huh? (Hope you managed to find it in the dictionary and that I didn't just make it up...)

Hi Kelly, there's always enough cake. Though, sadly, it's imaginary...

Hi Aims, god, are you telepathic or what? I may well do a post on this since my answer is much too long to put here, but in short, yes I have considered all these points, which is why I certainly don't write everything that happens in this house (believe it or not!), and why I'm careful to use no names or pack-drill. And why - even if I did reach the heady heights of having thousands of readers - I hope I can forgo the ad revenue (which, btw, I've yet to be offered in any case!) But the issues raised in this article are always at the back of mind, and I tailor blog content accordingly. And that's the short answer...

Hi Grit, no it's definitely not just you. If I started to tell you all the similar incidents I've been told by friends about their kids I would be here all day. Best just to say; lucky we can find the humour in it, because it's going to keep happening!

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