Read on if you need a nap...

... Well, you clicked. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I've been pondering Economics. Not just any Economics, oh no. The most important kind - at least, in my current situation. Home Economics.

I can't speak for everyone of my age, but Home Economics was a subject that did feature in the curriculum at school. Not hugely however, and once you got to 13 it was no longer compulsory, to the extent that it was viewed as one of those subjects you took if you weren't particularly - how can I put this? - bright. Not stupid, exactly, but not very bright. It tended to be the lower streamed pupils at my convent school who took it on past the age of 13. You know, those of us (note the 'us') who were condemned to take 7 rather than 9 or 10 O-levels. (Oh, the shame, the tearful explanations to parents, the embarrassment of telling your friends that you wouldn't be joining them in Higher Maths. Thank god!)

Anyway, enough dwelling on the past. I was talking about Home Economics, and it's secondary citizen status. Despite it's grandiose name - because, let's face it, it didn't seem that relevant to girls of 14 who's dearest ambitions were to be a doctor, physicist (neither of them me), or a meterologist in the Royal Navy (dear god, why? Because I liked the maps, that's why. I didn't do it, obviously. You needed to be able to add up and draw isobars for that sort of thing...) - it didn't actually teach us very much that was useful.

A few things stuck; how to chop an onion (don't laugh, to this day people are impressed when they see me do it), how to do backstitch - barely - and how to wear a too-large school uniform apron by folding up the waist-band. No need for that nowadays, can't remember the last time an apron was too large...

So there we were, school-leavers at 16 or 18 years old, still wet behind the ears, with no real inkling of how to look after ourselves in a 'home-making' sense. Oh, we could conjugate French verbs. Add using bases (well, some of us could), and tell you that Pool was the second largest natural harbour in the world after Sydney. We could even make sarcastic remarks to the boys we fancied from the school down the road. But fend for ourselves? You only had to take a look at my room in university to see that that was still some way off...

To be honest, things didn't really improve much for the next 20 years. I got tidier, obviously. I learnt to cook. Ish. I familiarised myself with a hoover and an iron. But really, it wasn't until I found myself home full time that I began to discover the short-cuts. You know, the things that, once you do them around the home are so glaringly obvious that you can't imagine why you didn't do them before. Perhaps most people do, perhaps they took notice when their mums tried to instruct them, but I'm afraid it all washed over me a haze of Cyndi Lauper, Spandau Ballet and Human League.

Now, it was at this point in my original post that I put a list of a few 'things I wish I had known earlier' in the housekeeping department. But I just reread them and frankly, you would have more fun watching paint dry. Apologies to those of you who have already waded through, and the couple who kindly left comments; I don't know what I was thinking...

Instead then, let's have a few of the following. A list of Things you were told would make your homelife easier and which absolutely don't, and which, in the interest of Home Economics, you should never have shelled out for... Like:

1. A cot-top changing table for your new-born. We had one. We spent money on it. And, of course, we never used it - not once. Why would you when you have a much more stable TABLE next to the cot. (I once nearly got myself thrown out of Peter Jones when I interrupted a salesperson in full spate who was trying to palm one off on an unsuspecting mother-to-be, when I suggested that it was a waste of both money and space if there was a table in their baby-to-be's room. I'm not quite banned from the baby section but it was a close call...)

2. A hand-held dustbuster. Easy to use, I agree. Useful to have around. But have you ever tried to clean one of those babies out? Gah! I'm retching as I type (and yes, I know I should do it more often but somehow there is always something more pressing on my list...).

3. A coffee machine. No! TWO coffee machines! Perfect - except I don't drink coffee. Husband does - of course, he's Dutch - but for the 50% of the time he's not here they sit on the counter top taking up space and mocking me as I try to use the remaining 2 cm square space roll out pastry (not often) or unstack the dishwasher (far too often).

4. A wine cooler. What bottle lasts long enough to benefit?

5. Electronic mouse deterrents. We have 2. And mice.


This list, of course, is just a beginning. If you would like to add your own items to it, you know where the comments box is...

I say, I say, I say...

Boy #1 has discovered jokes. Not filthy ones. Not wry ones. Not even - yet - funny ones. Just - jokes.

For example, on the way home from school today...

Boy #1: "Why did the seagull fly up in the... No, that's not right. You say it, mama."

Me: "Why did the seagull -"

Boy #1: "No! No! Not seagull! Seaweed! I said, seaweed!"

Me: "Are you sure? (heavy sigh from the back seat). OK, Why did the seagull - what?"

Boy #1: "What?"

Me: "What did the seagull do?"

Boy #1: "Oh. Why did the seaweed - seaweed, mama - fly up in the sky? You say it now."

Me: "Right. Why did the seaweed fly up in the sky?"

Boy #1: "Because it wanted to be an airplane, silly!"

Cue Boy #1 and Boy #2 laughing like drains in the back of the car.


And so it continued. Did you know that the cow jumped over the moon because it wanted to...? Or that the chicken crossed the road to be an astronaut?

After a while, these 'jokes' start to get quite funny. Really.

Or is that just hysteria setting in?

It's official, I'm worth it...

So there it was, sitting innocently in my inbox.

You know the the sort of e-mail: Dear Potty Mummy,... working on a project for our client, ...blah blah....blah blah blah, please read me, blah blah blah, please blog about me (ha! This post showed them!), blah blah blah, etc etc.

And then... it got interesting.

'We’ve created a calculator tool for people to be able to work out the value of their own household economy – and see which member of the household does the most valuable work. It’s a brilliant way to settle arguments – or even to start them – about who does what around the home.'

Well. Well, well, well.

Suddenly, I started to pay attention.

And I defy any stay at home mum to have the will-power not to take a quick peek at that calculator tool.

I looked. I tapped in my hours per household job. I didn't even exaggerate. Well, not by much, anyway. Apparantly, my worth to the 'house-hold economy' is 315% higher than that of most of mums - but I'm not getting carried away by that: I stay home, I do most of the child-care, and I have two sons of 5 or under. Anyone with any sense knows that this is the most time-intensive period of a parent's life if they are the main carer. That's not to say there is more intrinsic value in being a parent to young children than there is to being a parent to older kids, in fact if the feedback I get from all my friends and family is true, the older they get and the less they see you, the more they need you when they do.

But, if you put a monetry cost per hour on what I do, it's actually quite well paid. If you get paid.
I shall be asking Husband for a pay rise when he gets back, is all I'm saying...


On another note, Boy #2 is currently home sick from nursery. Not anything serious, just this nasty cold/flu virus that's going around and which you just have to get through. Thank heavens, we are now past the nightly vomit-fest of a few days ago and he is recovering, albeit slowly. Now, don't get me wrong; I value my child-free time highly. Those 3 mornings a week when I get to go unencumbered to the gym, the supermarket, to run errands, to do stuff around the house (and of course to blog, but let's keep that as our little secret); they are like gold to me.

But Boy #2 is just so... Boy #2-ish. Obviously, when ill, he's a snot fountain. He's tired and cranky. He's demanding. He wants me to read book after book after book. He moans. Frankly it's exhausting - if I had the time I might have to come down with something myself just to recover. But I can't begin to adequately describe the feeling of contentment that washes over me when he and I are curled up on the sofa reading 'The Polar Express' or Thomas the Tank Engine. His neat little head resting in the hollow of my shoulder, his chubby little hand resting on my leg, his sniffly breath in my ear (well, maybe not that last bit - but it's part of the package right now); all are serving to remind me that being a mother to small children is so fleeting, so transient.

If it's possible to enjoy looking after a mildly unwell 2 year old, I am doing.

Who'ld have thought it?

Note: For those of you wondering about my decision on whether to review products and services sent to me by pr/marketing agencies, the jury is still out on that. The reference to the calculator tool at the beginning of this post was not paid for; I simply thought it made interesting subject matter...

It's Carnival Time

So, it's here. The Best of the British Parent Bloggers Carnival...

There are 28 links below to posts from British bloggers (in no particular order), all of which are great. Some are quite simply hilarious, others will make you think, and still more will tug at your heartstrings.

If you would like to vote for one in particular as the stand-out submission, simply leave a note in my comment box and I will post in around a week with an update on who 'won'. No prizes, I'm afraid, other than the satisfaction...

And finally before you get stuck in, if you are interested in hosting one of the carnival posts yourself, click on this link and see just how it easy it is...

http://www.thamesvalleymums.com/2008/11/best-of-the-british-mummy-bloggers----call-for-hosts-and-entries.html


Enjoy!


Frog in the Field writes of the fun of being introduced to the in-laws in: http://froginthefield.blogspot.com/2008/05/we-have-had-number-of-special-visitors.html

Reluctant Memsahib takes a look at how marriage and having it all aren't necessarily intimate bed-fellows in : http://reluctantmemsahib.wordpress.com/2008/11/18/having-it-all/

Samantha Smythe writes on the perils of allowing your soup to become a living entity in: http://mumsnet.com/blogs/samanthasmythe/2008/11/17/the-farty-soup-guide-to-life/

Part Mummy, Part Me writes on the frustrations of marrying parenting and work and a nitty problem in: http://partmummypartme.blogspot.com/2008/10/nits-just-not-fair.html

Iota tells the story of how her 6 year old learnt his own, special, pledge of allegiance when he started school in the US: http://blogiota.blogspot.com/2007/09/pledge-of-allegiance.html

A Modern Mother recounts how resorting to bribery with your children might not be ethical - but it works, in: http://www.amodernmother.com/2008/10/mummy-is-not-clever.html#more

Nappy Valley Girl tells us why she won't be sending the kids off to boarding school in: http://nappyvalleygirl.blogspot.com/2008/10/boarding-call.html

Bush Mummy writes of how the simple of act of taking a shower in the morning, isn't simple at all...: http://thebushbabies.blogspot.com/2008/10/cry-for-help.html

Majajibba tells us how those baby urges can creep up when you least expect them in: http://appletree.typepad.com/fourrooms/2008/11/thinkin-id-start-this-post-with-some-witticism-about-how-my-biorhythms-must-be-looking-a-bit-limp-at-the-moment-i-clicked-ov.html

Little Mummy takes a look at a new website for families and wonders if there's space for everyone in the blogosphere in: http://www.littlemummy.com/2008/11/10/ukfamily/

Mud in the City writes about the perils of internet dating in: http://notenoughmud.blogspot.com/2008/10/banker-faller-at-first.html

Jaywalker at Belgian Waffling writes of the fun of being a parent and said with her submission note: "Promise you'll give me one of those bbc style health warnings "with strong language right from the start...". Consider yourselves warned...: http://belgianwaffling.blogspot.com/2008/11/les-cakes-du-mal.html

Footballer's Knees tells us how her crush on Nigella may be more off than on in: http://footballersknees.blogspot.com/2008/11/nigella-i.html

Ella at Most/Least considers how stay-at-home motherhood is grossly undervalued, both by Society, and herself (I have SO been there, Ella) in :http://mostleast.com/2008/11/03/motherhood-is-rewarding-but-undervalued/

Paradise Lost in Translation tells us of the perils of driving in Albania in: http://paradiselostintranslation.blogspot.com/2008/10/tiranan-tractor.html

Single Dad writes of how the differences between boys and girls are starting to be taken seriously by the educational establishment in: http://singleparentdad.blogspot.com/2008/11/boys-will-be-boys.html

Mya takes a look at her recent trip to the UK and the perils of eating stall-bought soup on Bonfire Night in: http://missingualready.blogspot.com/2008/11/hanging-up-my-suspenders.html

Working Mum tells us of being ambushed by choice in Tesco in: http://workingmumonverge.blogspot.com/2008/10/anyone-else.html

You think you've been flooded by decisions? Take a look at Nunhead Mum of One's post on: http://nunheadmumofone.blogspot.com/2008/10/decisions-reached.html

Grit takes a wry look at Home Educating in: http://gritsday.blogspot.com/2008/10/10-reasons-not-to-home-educate.html

Expat Mum writes about the satisfaction that comes from beating the system in: http://expatmum.blogspot.com/2008/10/rebate-schmeebate.html

Rotwatch muses on AA Gill, growing your own veg, the X Factor and the Mountain Marathon Race in: http://rotwatch.blogspot.com/2008/10/growing-pains.html

Milla at Country Lite shares the delights of supermarket eavesdropping with us in: http://milla-countrylite.blogspot.com/2008/11/less-is-more.html

Charlene at Thames Valley Mums mourns two lost child-free hours in: http://www.thamesvalleymums.com/2008/11/another-missed-party.html#more

The London Mums Blog wonders whether the marketeers at J&J really thought it through before they released an ad guaranteed to upset every mother who has ever used a baby carrier in: http://www.londonmumsblog.com/2008/11/hey-mums-do-you-wear-your-baby-as-a-fashion-statement.html#more

Jo Beaufoix discovers that the future is not, as she had previously thought, Barak Obama, in: http://www.jobeaufoix.com/2008/11/06/the-future-is/

And lastly, here's an exerpt from my Potty Diaries, on why nativity plays ain't what they used to be: http://potty-diaries.blogspot.com/2008/11/rockin-around-christmas-tree.html

Stop press: a late entry from Tara at Sticky Fingers was too good to leave out: in it, she ponders all the things she told herself BC (before children) she would never do. Are you brave enough to go there with her at: http://stickyfingers1.blogspot.com/2008/11/i-will-never-be-like-that-mummy.html ?

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...and a free gift!

So, Christmas is just - just - around the corner. We entered the festive fray this weekend chez Potty with a family trip to the ice rink at the Natural History Museum yesterday afternoon. It all looked very pretty and twinkly, with white lights glittering on the trees and brightly coloured skaters zipping around the ice... Though of course, this being England, there was not actually that much 'zipping' going on - more flailing, teetering, tottering, and crashing headfirst into other skaters and the wooden barriers.

But you don't need to know about me...

Husband, being Dutch, is a little more used to this ridiculous practice of strapping a couple of razer blades to your feet and pushing off, so he bravely took Boy #1 in hand and set off. Amazingly, despite a couple of encounters with the ice where he discovered just how unyielding and hard it is, Boy #1 really enjoyed himself. This was partly because Husband, knowing what he was about, had the presence of mind to request the double-bladed skates for him, so balancing was less of a problem than it might otherwise have been. Hell, even I could have skated with a pair of those on... maybe.

But you probably don't want to know about them, either.

No, what you want to know about is that we saw Elle Macpherson en-famille on the ice too, that she is very good looking in real-life, that she is tall with a great figure, and that she can skate, dammit. Well, better than me, at any rate. Somehow I suspect that her earliest skating experiences were a little more glamorous than mine at Bristol ice rink sometime in the late 1970's... You know, I bet I would be a great skater too if I had learnt at Aspen or Gstaad, or Lech, or Courcheval... and if I was 6 foot with honey blonde hair and... well, anyway. We had gone with my brother and his girlfriend L, who cheered me up considerably when, having had said Supermodel pointed out to her looked at her narrowly and said: "I'm going to get her."

She didn't, of course. Probably because, like me, she was incapable of leaving the side of the rink.

So, that's one reason I know Christmas is around the corner. Here's another; I've been fielding calls all weekend from ridiculously organised family members asking for Christmas present ideas for my sons. Oh, for the days when Christmas shopping could be left to the last minute and be covered off with a quick pop into John Lewis on the way home from work on Christmas Eve... Apparantly though that becomes a criminal offence when you have children, so now, when asked, I normally I just list a couple things from the top of my head; "Oh, books would be good. Or trains,. Whatever you think..." and leave them to it.

This year though, I thought, let's do this differently. (This may have something to do with the fact I'm still standing on small pieces of lego given to Boy #1 for his birthday). So, pen in hand I've spent this evening poring over catalogues to come up with lists for both my boys. And I must say, I think I've done OK. It includes presents from £4.00, and nothing on either of their lists costs more than £20.00. It's got books, games, toys, crafty stuff, stuff for their rooms. I hope it's not too worthy, but I am their mum, so it probably is.

But here's the clincher: I have e-mailed the list to all interested parties, complete with links to websites where they can buy these things if they want to, and asked if, once they have chosen a present, they can hit the 'reply to all' button and let everyone else on the distribution list know what they've bagsied.

No doubt I will be accused of being controlling where normally I am seen as being disorganised. But I don't care.

Because there's no lego on this list. At all.


PS. I have just had a thought. I am going to give you - yes, you - an early Christmas present.

http://amerrypottychristmas.blogspot.com/

Check that link to go to a new blog page I've set up, to see the lists for yourselves. Then, if you want to cut and paste them into your own family e-mail, you can. And if those presents don't suit, but you like the idea, how about e-mailing your lists for your children to me (at pottymummy@gmail.com) so that I can add them to the page for other parents to use?

Think of the time we might save in the future... Are you in?

Note: apologies to all outside the UK for whom this won't work. But you could always start your own lists...

Stop Press...

...you may have noticed a couple of weeks ago that I mentioned I'm hosting the next Best of British Mummy Bloggers carnival on Tuesday (25th November).

Now, I know it says 'Mummy' bloggers, but this is an all-inclusive deal; you simply need to be a parent (of either sex) to get involved.

We already have some fantastic bloggers participating, but there is always room for more: if you would like to take part simply e-mail me with a link to your favourite post from the last 4 weeks (that's one that you have written, obviously), and I will include it. I will drop you a line on the day the carnival starts and send you a link. If you want you can paste that into your blog so that people can visit and vote for their favourite entry by leaving a comment on The Potty Diaries.

Send your mail to:

pottymummy@gmail.com

before Monday lunchtime if possible.

Best of luck!

Fat is a Bloggamist Issue...

Fat is a bloggamist issue right now, it seems. Lots of us are focusing on it, and Tara at Sticky Fingers has even gone so far as to set up a blog with two friends, specifically about losing weight and supporting those who are trying to do the same thing. Check out BlogToFit and be swept away by the enthusiasm and determination of the team...

Now, right at this moment, at this particular instant in time, I am not overweight. Sure, I am a few kilos heaver than I would like to be, and probably 4 or 5 more (9 - 10lbs) than my fighting weight, but I haven't been there since before I got pregnant with Boy #1, and frankly? It's a distant dream, and I know it.

I could get there of course, but only by making changes to my lifestyle that just don't seem worth it. I already go to the gym 3 times a week where I burn calories and sweat buckets in a most undignified fashion, I eat healthily, and I don't drink during the week. Or even very much at the weekends, sadly. (Though that self-discipline is more to do with the hideousness of dealing with children whilst battling a hangover than any weight-related concerns.) So if I want to shift those last kilos it would mean - horror - going on to skimmed milk, eating grilled chicken with salad, cutting out the carbs, and shunning the chocolate. Which, if you know me at all from reading my blog, is never going to happen.

It would also mean facing up the fact that the little lies I tell myself about food are just that. Lies. Come on, you know the ones I mean... you probably have your own. Here's my list, in no particular order, developed over many years of self-delusion;

- If you are travelling abroad, food has no calories. Once you leave these shores, the calories stay behind. (They can't get passports, apparantly.)

- If chocolate is eaten whilst you drink a diet coke? No calories. (In fact, the diet coke trick works with just about everything).

- It takes more calories to eat a stick of celery than that stick contains, so if you put it in a sandwich or salad, guess what? The rest of the snack has no calories either. (Unfortunately I don't particularly like uncooked celery but cucumber does just as good a job in my mind...)

- If a biscuit is broken in two, the calories have leaked out. Stands to reason.

- If it's a vegetable - no calories. (Which is handy, because put me in front of a plate of roasted vegetables and they're history...)

- If it's eaten standing up - you guessed it. No calories. Or at least, the immense effort of staying upright cancels them out.

- This one is a classic, of course. No calories if left on the children's plate.

- No calories if no-one sees you eat something.

- Butter is good fat. We need it in our diets or all our fingernails will break and our hair fall out. Actually, this happened to a friend when she was young and foolish and cut all fat out of her diet. I wish it hadn't - for her sake, obviously, but also for mine as now I feel entitled to have butter in the fridge. Which leads me on to...

- If it's on a crispbread (i.e. Ryvita), no calories. So a ryvita smothered with butter / peanut butter / cheese / taramasalata / guacamole (not all together, clearly) is a healthy snack. As is the second, third, fourth and fifth...

- If you walk to pick the children up from school, a Starbuck's Hot Chocolate is the least you need to keep you sustained on the long 20 minute trip.


Those are the first of my 'food fibs' that come to mind - and I haven't even scratched the surface or spent more than 10 minutes thinking about it. What are yours?

Come on, spill!