Third Culture Kids - and what it can mean.

I was at a talk today about Third Culture Kids. For those of you who have never heard the term before, here's a brief explanation:

“A third culture kid is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside their parents’ culture. The third culture kid builds relationships to all the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture are assimilated into the third culture kid’s life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of the same background, other TCKs.”

I have to admit to being just a little sceptical about the TCK phenomenon. Surely, we're all Third Culture Kids to a certain extent these days? Most people I know back in London are not living in their town of origin, and a large minority are not even in their country of origin. Life moves so fast these days, and technology has developed at such a rate, that our lives today don't just bear little relation to our parent's at the same age, but have few similarities to that of our own whilst we were growing up, or even 15 years ago.

Having said that, the longer I live in this expat environment, the more I start to see that there is merit in coining a term for the ever-increasing numbers of children who live away from their parent's culture and who experience repeated moves from nation to nation before they even leave the parental home for university. One of the statements I heard today that pulled at the heartstrings was that these 'global nomads' experience more loss and separation (from friends, family, and cultural touch-points) before they're 18 than most people do in their entire lives.

I've seen for myself, twice now, the turnover of families at the end of every school year. The 30% exodus from school as soon as the final term bell rings leaves gaping holes in the lives of those left behind, not only for the children but for their parents too. It's one thing to be the leaver, moving onwards and upwards to new experiences - no matter how unsure you might be about it, no matter how much grief you may have for what you've left behind, it's still exciting and engaging - but it's quite another to be a 10 year old child returning to school knowing that the chances are you're going to have find a new best friend, a new mentor, a new favourite teacher, because all of those you spent time with last year have moved on.

We live in an increasingly mobile world, of course we do, so most of us have to deal with this from time to time, expat or not. But it seems to me - from the sidelines, since I don't really see myself as what I jokingly call 'a serial expat' - that this must be an incredibly hard thing to do time after time after time. Because that's what these families do, many of them every 2 - 3 years. And the children often think of themselves as belonging everywhere - and nowhere.

There are positives, obviously. Third culture kids often grow up extremely sociable. They know how to handle themselves in almost any given situation. They are open to new experiences, thrive on change, are often able to speak multiple languages, and are devoted World Citizens, appreciating and tolerating cultures different to their own in a way it's more difficult to do if you've spent your whole live living next to your grandparents. TCK's have seen some of the best and the worst that the world has to offer, and have opinions on both.

TCK's make friends easily, too, although interestingly once they move 'back home' or attempt to put down roots in an environment that is more settled than the expat one which they've known, this can prove challenging in itself. Why? Well, one of the ways that they make friends easily is to skip the 'getting to know you' stages that most people take for granted. They reveal more about themselves, more quickly, than less-transient people are used to. Between TCK's this is a useful time-saving exercise and helps them learn quickly if the person they're sharing information with is one they something in common with. With those who aren't used to moving around so much however, this can backfire and to them - used to a slower pace of friendship - a TCK can come across as being 'intense', 'full-on' or just plain 'weird'.

Now, as I said earlier, I don't see myself as a serial expat. If anything, I feel as if I'm just taking a sabbatical from my life in London, that's it's always there for me, and that one day the Potski family will be able to drop seamlessly back into the world where we left off. But deep down I know that's impossible. Nothing stands still - for anyone - and even if we went 'home' tomorrow I would be 2 years older and changed by the experiences we've had in Russia. Some of them for the good, some of them not, but I am undoubtedly changed, and perhaps I won't fit back in as seamlessly as I might like.

Much like a Third Culture Kid, now I come to think of it.

Update: I just had to include this fantastic excerpt from one of the comments on this post, from MsCaroline who writes a wonderful blog over at AsiaVu. (Read her post on foot care - it's hilarious). I'll let her have the last word, since she actually is a Third Culture Kid herself:

'I read this book ('When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit') when I was 9 or 10, and this quote has always resonated with me as a TCK. Anna and her family are refugees from Hitler, and have escaped first to Switzerland, then to France, and eventually to England. Anna asks her father, "Do you think we'll ever really belong anywhere?"
“I suppose not,” said Papa. “Not the way people belong who have lived in one place all their lives. But we’ll belong a little in lots of places, and I think that may be just as good.”