Splinters, shoes and word replacement therapy

>> Monday, 25 July 2011

If I were writing a script for a movie of my life right now, today's effort would probably feature the following line:


"One splinter in your child's foot is unfortunate, PM. Two? That looks like carelessness..." (substitute 'neglect' 'fecklessness' 'unfit mothering' for 'carelessness' as you wish).

Never mind how it happened; today I had to pull not one but two splinters from Boy #1's foot. And I'm amazed that the social services haven't yet come knocking on our door, given the amount of screaming, pleading, weeping and cajoling going on. Amazingly, none of it was even from me...

In the end though, I - and the world's best tweezers - prevailed*, and the splinters were vanquished. The patient has now retired to bed, pale and wan but on the mend, with strict instructions he's not to set foot on any wooden floor for around the next 20 years without shoes on his tender little feet so-help-me-god...

In other news, I've posted here about shoe shopping in Moscow (you may recognise the post as a rehash of something I wrote on this blog a few months back. So shoot me. It's week 6 of the summer holidays; wanna make something of it?), and Boy #2 gave me a lift with his use of the world 'Snortle' for 'snorkel'.

Come on. 'Snortle'. I don't care how stressed you are about the holidays; that's funny, right?


*Not, I have to admit, until I had removed my contact lenses to give my aging eyes better close-work vision; how's that for a wake-up call that you're not 25 any more?

7 comments:

MsCaroline 25 July 2011 at 23:12  

Ow, just the title made me cringe. I have been there, and it was not pleasant. However, I loved that shoe-shopping post, so it was worth it..for me at least...

Laura - Are We Nearly There Yet Mummy? 26 July 2011 at 10:15  

Both children managed to slam their hands in car doors earlier this year on consecutive days whilst in my care.

Even my husband looked at me as if to say 'Coincidence?'.

For anyone reading this from social services ... IT WAS A CONINCIDENCE. A HORRIBLE COINCIDENCE.

Tattie Weasle 27 July 2011 at 07:30  

Snorkel - just love it! We have anbarrow for bow and arrow, so logical really!

Iota 28 July 2011 at 09:59  

Somehow, and I've no idea how, I've managed to make it a given that "Daddy is best at removing splinters". I've just shelved responsibility totally on that one. Clever move, huh?

Iota 28 July 2011 at 10:02  

Also, I can't resist saying "Snortle"... *Snort!*

Potty Mummy 28 July 2011 at 13:52  

MsC, thankyou!

Laura, of course it was a coincidence. OF COURSE!!!!

TW, 'anbarrow' - like it. Maybe we should start up an alternative dictionary?

Iota, genius move on the splinters, but unfortunately Husband was 1500 miles away so it was down to me. Dammit.

psychedelicate 5 August 2011 at 13:30  

I am 25 and I already don't read with my contacts in and would certainly not expect myself to be able to handle splinter surgery with contacts.

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