Little sideways steps...

>> Sunday, 22 June 2008

Husband is travelling again; expect more posts.

This afternoon, to fill the space he's left behind, I took the Boys to the sandpit in Holland Park. The weather was beautiful, and thankfully I didn't even have to race around like a madwoman chasing Boy #1, due to the fact it was so overcrowded I could with some justification claim that there wasn't the space for the type of thing, blast it. A happy coincidence then got me properly off the hook when some friends arrived with their children, and they and both Boys were able to spend the next hour or so delightedly roaring at each other around the playhouses.

This was good, because I was not really capable of the whole chasing thing today. I don't know if you ski. Or maybe you played hockey at school? But there's a certain set of muscles in your legs that I previously thought were only used in those two types of exercise which right now are screaming - SCREAMING - at me to Cut Out The Stupid Heroics In The Gym.

I've brought it on myself, of course. On Friday night I had a review session with one of the gym instructors and she gave me an updated programme that she promised would - coupled with healthy eating - help me shift 'the apple'. She then helped me to reinforce my resolve to lose weight by checking my BMI - alright-ish but not brilliant - and my body fat percentage.

Oh. My. God.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

If you don't have kids, you're thinking;

1. What on earth is 'the apple'? (See the link above)
2. What on earth were you doing using valuable drinking time on a Friday night in the gym? (Oh, you poor innocent fools. Wait until you have children, is my only answer)

And if you do have kids, you're thinking:

1. Give it up, sister. Live with the apple like the rest of us.
2. Give it up, sister - don't you know those gym instructors lie?
or
3. Give it up - and have some chocolate, and possibly a glass of red. And pour one for me, whilst you're at it.

However, despite knowing all of those things that you were thinking, the fat percentage thing made such an impression that I still went to the gym again on Saturday morning - less than 14 hours after my session on Friday night - to run through it all again on my own because, may I remind you, I have had children. And as a result, whilst I know what 'the apple' is, I can hardly remember my own name these days. So the chances of my remembering how to do all the exercises the instructor so kindly listed out for me if I left them until my next 'gym window' on Monday night are slim (if you'll pardon the pun), and none. And slim just left town.

I knew it was going to be hard on those hockey / skiing muscles even as I 'tube walked' shakily across the room, trying very hard to avoid glancing in the mirrors opposite. Not that I am phobic about my reflection, but I had just done half an hour of interval training and was 'glowing' more than a little. I mean, why would you look?

By the way, what psychopath invented interval training?

So, there I was on Saturday, with a giant elastic band around my calves, shuffling crabwise across a thankfully almost empty gym, glowing prettily, when the Zen Gang bounced out of their 8.30am yoga class. Or was it pilates? Who knows. In any case, I swear there was a collective horrified intake of breath as they noticed me and edged nervously around the edge of room towards their post workout wheat-grass pick-me-ups, not wanting to be contaminated by any part of my non-holistic approach to fitness.

But it would all have been OK, if only I had been able to stand up without wincing just a little (oh, all right, a lot), today.

Instead, I leant shakily against a wall in Holland Park sandpit and wondered if I would ever be able to walk up stairs again. Thank god we live in a flat.

22 comments:

ped crossing 23 June 2008 at 05:19  

I am very impressed on less than two days in a row. Good job you. And there is a reason I don't talk to those trainer people. Though I should.

Sometimes fate is on our side. Coincidental meetings of friends are fabulous.

Frog in the Field 23 June 2008 at 07:24  

Bloody hell, sounds horrific.
I did cycle 100 yards yesterday with huge effort.
How to lose weight? It is in fact very easy, I have done it, perhaps we should do a joint effort?
1. Don't eat wheat...it slows the metabolic rate down.
Or more simply put (by my not-subtle brother-in-law, if you want to fatten a cow up for market, fee it wheat.)
2. Buy a juicer...juice fresh fruit, a couple of pints, and drink it through the morning.
Have porridge with honey late morning.
3. Stop drinking tea and coffee (you won't want it because of all the juice)
Ta da!! All sweet cravings go because of all the juice...
Thin Potty!ps. You can eat whatever you want the rest of the time too....it works, I had to do it because of awful food allergies.

Nora 23 June 2008 at 15:10  

I sympathize with you. You are trying so very hard. Too hard and you won't be able to keep up the pace, so slow down. Not so fast. Take it easy girl, there are all those tomorrows to come yet to lose that weight and get in shape. There is no need to rush it and do it all in one weekend. Slow down. You have to be a bit patient.

Frog in the Field 23 June 2008 at 15:13  

Nonsense Nora!
Make her get out there and train like she never has before..I shall sit here and shout instructions if you like....executive exercise regimes are all the rage you know!

aims 23 June 2008 at 15:48  

Golly PM! You sound like you've signed up for the army. Good grief!

I didn't know you were such a masochist.

I sure hope you remember all this when you look at that next piece of chocolate sweetie pie. Especially when it oozes so thickly down your throat and settles on your apple.

btw - thanks for the update on 'the apple' - you knew I'd be reading.

Bush Mummy 23 June 2008 at 17:30  

Potty, my advice - get a personal trainer. Not as chi chi and as expensive as you might think.

Pros - you get to work out at home; you can run but you can't hide; you get one to one rigorous boot camp training which'll kick your bootie into shape; the kids love watching if they happen to be in.

Cons - the kids may be there which can be a distraction; you can run but you can't hide; expense (but just do it for a bit then join a gym).

Result - Guaranteed to kick start your new bod and change your overall outlook on exercise. I have never been so fit.

BM

PS Can recommend great guy who has trained England rugby team and Royal Ballet dancers.. (not kidding).

Expatmum 23 June 2008 at 19:10  

Tee hee. I did a two mile (phew) jog last week after quite a while of not running (using an eliptical instead). Although I did the run with no problem, the following morning I seem to have lost all muscle control in my thighs and could only descend the stairs at 75mph, and only if I wasn't required to stop mid-flight.
I recommend a good fibre drink when you're feeling hungry. Not only is it good for you, it really fills you up. Mine tastes of orange (ish) and it's a least an hour before I can face my wine after it!

Tara@From Dawn Till Rusk 23 June 2008 at 21:09  

My only exercise these days is carrying my clinging limpet of a daughter around everywhere (and she's not a delicate little flower either). That and being forced into being a shetland pony on all fours for them to 'practice on'. Carrying 5 stone in combined weight can't be good for your back but I've got thigh muscles like oak trees!

Potty Mummy 23 June 2008 at 22:32  

Ped, stay away, stay away! Those trainer people are evil, I tell you, evil!

Frog, sounds like a good idea. Had already cut out the bread, so might be part of the way there, I suppose... And I don't drink tea or coffee anyway, so... but wait? No diet coke? Forget it!

Hi Nora, good point, but I just wanted to run through it all whilst still fresh in my mind otherwise all I would ever do is a pale imatation of what I am supposed to be working on. Or something...

Frog - no doubt you will expect to be paid handsomely for this service?

Aims, I do like to be of service on the explanations. As for masochistic, no. Just tired of not wanting to look at myself in the mirror.

BM, thanks for the idea; I may yet come to you for the contact. I did actually try this after Boy #2 was born, but think I just got the wrong person. Sounds like yours was much better!

Hi EPM - and I guess a side effect of your fibre drink is not having to have branflakes for breakfast? Which, I have to say, would be a considerable plus.

Hi Tara, thanks for the visit and under no circumstances are our children ever going to meet. My back is messed up enough already!

Frog in the Field 24 June 2008 at 10:27  

Hey, I'll do mates rates..anything for a friend.

Mel 24 June 2008 at 11:30  

Wow you have been busy, chasing kids in the heat makes me glow, let alone the gym! Keep it up!

Iota 24 June 2008 at 16:30  

Oh dear, this adds a whole new, and rather depressing, meaning to my Big Apple week-end in March.

Go and live in the Midwest. Then you always feel ok about your body, because there are always a comforting number of people around who are bigger than you (no offence intended to Midwesterners, of course, and they would find it hard to deny...) Trouble is, when you return to the UK, the scales fall from your eyes when you walk down a street populated by normal-sized people (scales, hm, tempted to make a weight-related joke here, but am resisting). I am speaking from bitter personal experience.

Pig in the Kitchen 24 June 2008 at 17:35  

Now, the pain you are feeling is a build up of toxins in the muscles. The best way to get rid of it is to go for a light run, nothing strenuous, about 30-40 mins should do it. Whilst i'm being fa-see-shuss (i spelt it that way for the dullards that can't spell it), it really does work.

Alternatively, anti-inflammatories, cold packs for about 10 mins around the painful area, oh and make that a bottle of red wine and one of those MASSIVE bars of cadbury choc.

and anyway...
'...You generally carry any weight around your middle, with an undefined waist, but usually have a great cleavage and slim hips and limbs..'
this is lifted from your apple link. If you have great cleavage, slim hips and limbs, wtf are you worrying about??

Spare a thought for those pears amongst us, who not only have an 'undefined waist' (how twee), but also no tits, a lard arse and large thighs.

Your side of the fence still looking bad?!

Pigx

Potty Mummy 24 June 2008 at 22:02  

Hi Mel - I think chasing kids is harder; you don't get to stop for a loo break (not your own, anyway), and there's usually no airco...

Iota, hello! Don't worry; firstly, you are clearly in the wrong town here as in most places you probably couldn't distinguish between the US and the UK, sizewise (the days when I could tell a tourist's nationality from their size are long gone), and secondly - have another cream tea. Or a Cadbury's chocolate finger. Or some fish & chips. Or a butter chicken curry. Or - need I go on? We are not a nation of slim jims anymore...

Aaah, Pig, another piece of Cadbury's? Waist not, want not, as they say. (And unfortunately the whole 'great cleavage' thing is something - rather more than something, actually - of an exaggeration...). I would be sitting on the fence on the issue of apple-shape not being so bad - if it hadn't collapsed under my weight.

Grit 24 June 2008 at 22:20  

stretching; i believe in this utterly as a way of curing muscle fatigue. or a ginormous pimms. either does it.

Frog in the Field 24 June 2008 at 22:24  

I think there's a general concensus here that if you eat loads of chocolate and then consume gallons of wine you'll not give a bugger what size you are!

But..having been swimming this evening and catching sight of myself.....aaagghhh! I challenge you to a joint effort..help me Potty Mummy , you're my ony hope!!
But I'm not prepared to mention weight, just loss of inches...

Tara@From Dawn Till Rusk 24 June 2008 at 22:26  

Today I am trying out a pair of Fitflops. I am hopeful and yet rather cynical. We shall see!

Elsie Button 25 June 2008 at 13:38  

my god you are impressive! i too have started taking action against my ever increasing apple (mainly by cutting out the nightly family-sized tiramisu and chocolate oranges), but nothing like what you are doing...

Bloody well done! The aching will get better soon, i'm sure. (at least you ARE aching - i never push myself hard enough to get that far)

Bush Mummy 25 June 2008 at 16:54  

You could always try the Liz Hurley method of eating all your meals out of your children's bowls for portion control..

..that is if you haven't already eaten all of their leftovers as one is prone to do. Oh and no snacking later on due to ravenous hunger from ridiculous child size portion.

How does she do it? (cow)

Milla 25 June 2008 at 17:06  

oh, weird, I'd imagined you as dead thin and now I have to lard you up and give you a massive cleavage - well, forgive me if I don't feel TERRIBLY sympathetic! OH, Pigs has done all this - the other comments didn't come up initially so Ijust launched in.

Potty Mummy 25 June 2008 at 17:35  

Hi Grit, a pimms it is, then. Because it's diet food, isn't it? With all that fruit?

Frog, mention my weight? On a BLOG? Are you MAD? But I will accept the challenge though. Let's do it together, sister! Yay! (And general capering around waving ones arms around as if stirring a ginormous vat of... chocolate. Bugger. Not really the right mindset, is it?)

Tara, Fitflops? They sound fabulous - keep me posted!

Elsie, thankyou, but impressive isn't actually the word that comes to mind when I catch a glimpse of myself in one those pernicious mirrors in the gym. Red, yes. Sweaty mess, yes. Exhausted, definitely. But impressive? Not as yet....

BM, I always knew there was something not quite right about her. And you're right. Cutting out the kids's left overs would probably be half the battle.

Milla, this cleavage thing... don't believe everything you read, is all I can say. But thankyou thankyou thankyou for temporarily at least imagining me as thin - which I have never, even at my fittest, been.

Frog in the Field 25 June 2008 at 22:14  

You really must calm down you almost poked my eye out!
We'll start on Monday...get a juicer.

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