It's grey here. Grim November has arrived, and hot on it's heels will come the Russian winter. The laundry needs hanging up, there are toys all over the floor, and I have a million jobs to do which - post half-term - can no longer be put off. The dishwasher in our UK home is broken & needs to be replaced (although god love it, it has just celebrated it's 13th birthday, so I'm not judging), Husband is travelling most weekdays, and it's raining, just in time for the school run on my bike.
On the other hand...
It's not snowing. The temperature is above freezing. My family is happy and healthy. We had a great 4 days somewhere sunny and warm last week. The house is clean. There is enough food in the fridge, and before I put on my raincoat (in a jaunty colour I have christened 'In-Your-Face-Winter-Orange') I have five minutes to myself, a whole scope of creative projects I can dip into, the Man Booker Prize winner on my kindle, and the whole of NetFlix to explore later this evening.
See what I did there? It's called (my version of, anyway), CBT*
Because, without wanting to come over all PollyAnna about it, life really is what you make of it. I learned this not through having a naturally carefree disposition but during 2 years of counselling after I stopped work outside the home following Boy #2's birth - and fell apart. It took a while but my lovely counsellor slowly showed me how to reprogramme my results-orientated, work-obsessed, what-am-I-if-not-my-job?, brain into one that could turn my mental inclinations around. It takes self-awareness, that's true, but the feeling of control when you look at what could be quite a shitty situation and decide not to let it bring you down - in fact, to turn it to your advantage and learn from it - is empowering.
Yes, the days in my mental landscape still seem long and grey sometimes. But I know, when that happens, that it's not forever. In fact, if I choose, it doesn't even have to be until tomorrow.
Now. Off through the rain to do that ruddy school run. Where's my in-your-face-winter orange raincoat gone?
*Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
On the other hand...
It's not snowing. The temperature is above freezing. My family is happy and healthy. We had a great 4 days somewhere sunny and warm last week. The house is clean. There is enough food in the fridge, and before I put on my raincoat (in a jaunty colour I have christened 'In-Your-Face-Winter-Orange') I have five minutes to myself, a whole scope of creative projects I can dip into, the Man Booker Prize winner on my kindle, and the whole of NetFlix to explore later this evening.
See what I did there? It's called (my version of, anyway), CBT*
Because, without wanting to come over all PollyAnna about it, life really is what you make of it. I learned this not through having a naturally carefree disposition but during 2 years of counselling after I stopped work outside the home following Boy #2's birth - and fell apart. It took a while but my lovely counsellor slowly showed me how to reprogramme my results-orientated, work-obsessed, what-am-I-if-not-my-job?, brain into one that could turn my mental inclinations around. It takes self-awareness, that's true, but the feeling of control when you look at what could be quite a shitty situation and decide not to let it bring you down - in fact, to turn it to your advantage and learn from it - is empowering.
Yes, the days in my mental landscape still seem long and grey sometimes. But I know, when that happens, that it's not forever. In fact, if I choose, it doesn't even have to be until tomorrow.
Now. Off through the rain to do that ruddy school run. Where's my in-your-face-winter orange raincoat gone?
*Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
