How not to...

... prepare for a long haul flight.

Continuing my interminable series of 'how not to' posts, I would like to suggest that any reader planning on taking a trip down-under not do the following...

1. Despite having sorted out the Boys' clothes weeks ago, leave checking out your own holiday wardrobe until the morning of your flight, when you realise that the summer clothes you've been dragging out year after year have finally had it, forcing you to make an unscheduled, last minute trip to Peter Jones and then - oh foolish girl - to Marilyn Moore on the Kings Road. Thank god I ran out of time...

2. Decide that much as you would like to, your thrifty grandmother's genes simply will not allow you to throw out the chicken you bought in a moment of madness only 3 days before you are due to leave on your trip, and never got round to eating. Instead, you force yourself to cook a roast dinner to be eaten only a couple of hours before you leave, thus saddling you with one of the most time-consuming meals there is to prepare, interrupting last minute preparations, such as packing for a long trip, (something I admit should have been done 3 days previously - when I was actually out making the ill-advised purchase of the afore-mentioned chicken...), panicking about the Mouse having a party whilst you are away, re-making the beds for family due to house-sit whilst we are away, and cleansing the fridge of all the food that should have been dumped ages ago. Which, of course, takes us back to the chicken.


2. Eat the roast meal - which is hardly the best preparation for a 'fight or flight' situation when you get to the airport and the helpful desk clerk tells you that one of your bags is too heavy. The consequent repacking of 2 suitcases on the airport floor is hardly the most relaxing way to start your trip...

3. Spot the Mouse - or one of it's vast family - only minutes before you leave. Clearly, it is much too smart to consider eating some vile-looking green stuff hidden away in a child-safe box with a hole that just happens to be exactly the right size for it. You don't want to hear what I'm imagining might be waiting for us when we get back (and if you are any kind of a blog-buddy - Pig - please don't tell me...)

4. Ignore advice from friends, family, and blog-buddies who recommend various forms of sedatives for your kids that might give you a fighting chance of more than 30 minutes continuous sleep in one go. (I won't be making that mistake again...)

5. Break your journey for one night in Bangkok. Firstly, you won't get to do anything particularly interesting with 2 small boys in tow, though I have to admit that when they say the Thai's love kids, they are not joking. Boy #2 particularly is still coming down from the adoring glances, photo opportunities, and insanely grinning adults trying to get his attention. (I would love to think that it's just that my children are particularly adorable, but - no. Though of course they are to me...). Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, you will then be plagued by the constant refrain from Benny and Bjorn's (formerly of Abba) rock opera 'Chess'. Every time you explain to someone that you are stopping for 'One Night in Bangkok' you will be forced to carry on the conversation with 'Bangkok, oriental setting and the city don't know what the city is getting' rattling round in your not-so-subconscious...

6. Not take the sedatives you refused to get for your children yourself. Then, on your second overnight flight in 3 days, you will find yourself lying wide-awake, exhausted but unable to shut down, compiling shopping lists for your arrival of all the things you forgot, along with planning a blog post entitled 'How not to...'