Long-term readers of The Potty Diaries may have noticed that from time to time a post from my sis pops up in here. (She's very funny - more than I am - in case you've missed those). Well, also from time to time, my father sends me a missive - and the one below was too good to languish unused in my inbox.
Entirely co-incidentally, just as I am working my way through our cupboards here to prepare for our move back to the UK, my parents are having a proper clear-out of their kitchen cupboards. This is my father's commentary on what they found lurking within...
Hi Clare,
My, you should be really proud of us. Just cleared out the food cupboards, most notably the herbs, spices, oils, vinegars and other hard-to-get comestibles. We are left with roughly 10%, which are within 'best by', and a further 5% that smell-alright-and-therefore-probably-are-alright, mostly antiseptic-based food colourings.
And the awards?
For the Longest Past its 'Best By' date: A large sachet of Japanese, oyster-based fish sauce, purchased in Aspen Colorado, marked ‘Use By January 2002’.
The Most Tedious Piece of Food Recycling in 2015: A jar of Tate and Lyle Black Treacle c. 2008. Recognised for blocking up the kitchen waste pipe for 37 minutes until cleared by a stiff dose of Whiting's 'Big Biffa' waste clearer.
The Recyclable Most Determined to Leave its Mark: 100gms of Sharwood's turmeric powder which, despite the efforts of the household, and Wells' team of First Responders, managed to despoil the boot of its owners' Seat Ibiza motor car, her spouse's foul-weather upper body protective, and the glass recycling bin in the Tesco car park.
The Recyclable that Most Brutally Brought Tears of Nostalgia to the Eyes of the Recyclers: 50gms of Madagascan Vanilla Essence c. 2009; recognised for its incomparable contribution to the culinary excellence of the local area by infusing six years of festive panna cotta desserts for the poor and needy of the village.
And the Lifetime Achievement Award goes to: 500 gms of Malaccun cloves, sourced before modern records (and ‘best by’ dates) began, but believed by experts from the V&A to have been distributed by Nurdin and Peacock’s Cash and Carry Warehouse, Wadden Way, Cheltenham in the late 20th century. Probably predates the Japanese rubbish mentioned earlier. Best guess? 1975 when the memsahib started baking flans for the company canteen.
No prizes for guessing which cupboard I'm clearing in the next 24 hours...
Entirely co-incidentally, just as I am working my way through our cupboards here to prepare for our move back to the UK, my parents are having a proper clear-out of their kitchen cupboards. This is my father's commentary on what they found lurking within...
Hi Clare,
My, you should be really proud of us. Just cleared out the food cupboards, most notably the herbs, spices, oils, vinegars and other hard-to-get comestibles. We are left with roughly 10%, which are within 'best by', and a further 5% that smell-alright-and-therefore-probably-are-alright, mostly antiseptic-based food colourings.
And the awards?
For the Longest Past its 'Best By' date: A large sachet of Japanese, oyster-based fish sauce, purchased in Aspen Colorado, marked ‘Use By January 2002’.
The Most Tedious Piece of Food Recycling in 2015: A jar of Tate and Lyle Black Treacle c. 2008. Recognised for blocking up the kitchen waste pipe for 37 minutes until cleared by a stiff dose of Whiting's 'Big Biffa' waste clearer.
The Recyclable Most Determined to Leave its Mark: 100gms of Sharwood's turmeric powder which, despite the efforts of the household, and Wells' team of First Responders, managed to despoil the boot of its owners' Seat Ibiza motor car, her spouse's foul-weather upper body protective, and the glass recycling bin in the Tesco car park.
The Recyclable that Most Brutally Brought Tears of Nostalgia to the Eyes of the Recyclers: 50gms of Madagascan Vanilla Essence c. 2009; recognised for its incomparable contribution to the culinary excellence of the local area by infusing six years of festive panna cotta desserts for the poor and needy of the village.
And the Lifetime Achievement Award goes to: 500 gms of Malaccun cloves, sourced before modern records (and ‘best by’ dates) began, but believed by experts from the V&A to have been distributed by Nurdin and Peacock’s Cash and Carry Warehouse, Wadden Way, Cheltenham in the late 20th century. Probably predates the Japanese rubbish mentioned earlier. Best guess? 1975 when the memsahib started baking flans for the company canteen.
No prizes for guessing which cupboard I'm clearing in the next 24 hours...
