Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts

Wednesday, 3 May 2017

Just do it... (writing as therapy)

I've always been a firm believer in the truism that 'A writer writes'.  Except, I've not been doing very much of that recently - either here on the blog or elsewhere - which begs the question; am I still a writer?

I'm not sure.

Life has got in the way recently.  It's drained the energy from me; any creative spark I have is easily snuffed out.  I get inspiration for a post, or a story, get excited about it, start to plan, maybe even begin to write, and then bam!  Out of left-field it comes; another metaphorical body blow knocking me sideways.  Just like that the idea - and the impetus to put pen to paper - is gone.  A brief flare of the match and then, before the flame has even had the chance to take hold, nothing. I know I had it, I could almost touch it, see the words on the page, feel the satisfaction of having written and created something just for myself but now... it's gone.

I'm not sure if it's the life-stage I'm at (that pesky menopause is knocking on the door at the very time I need all my wits about me), or the external influences surrounding me, but for the last few months I've felt about as creative as a worn-out floor mop.

It occurred to me recently that perhaps I should just let this blog go.  I've been writing The Potty Diaries for ten years now, perhaps it's time to move on.  Other bloggers I started this activity with have - perhaps I should follow suit.

But then, why should I?  It's not that my life has become less eventful or that I have nothing to record.  In the last two years I've moved countries, re-assimilated to my home country (or at least, have tried to.  If' I'm honest that's still something of a work in progress), moved house - twice - excavated and sifted through 20 years of the detritus and leaf litter that's accumulated as the result of modern living, coped (yet again) as a week-day widow whilst Husband continues his work abroad, and kept the family more or less intact as we deal with the short-term impact and long-term ramifications of understanding newly diagnosed learning difficulties in one of our children.  That last one's still a work in progress too, actually.

Frankly, I'm exhausted - never a good state to be in if you want to be creative.  But I've been here before, years ago, when I started this blog to - literally - make shit funny, and back then it helped enormously.

Maybe it will again - watch this space.

Thursday, 17 November 2016

And so it's November...

Where on earth did the rest of October go?

Life has been busy here for the still-re-acclimatising Potty family, as I'm sure it is for everybody.  And also, as I'm sure is the case for everybody, most of what's been happening is not suitable blog-fodder; either too boring to share (do you really want to know what I thought of Netflix's 'The Crown?  I thought not - but fabulous, just in case in you do), or too personal to put out there.  Consequently, I'm taking the easy way out and will use this post as an opportunity to share another piece of writing I've done; the prologue to a novel I finished (in as much as you can ever finish writing an unpublished book) in the summer.

It's odd, finishing one novel and starting another, as I have done over the last few weeks.  I find it hard to imagine sharing the latter - it's still too fresh in my mind, I'm too protective about it - but god, I am SO over the former. After so long spent working on it I've lost all objectivity and can only see it's faults;  I can easily imagine sticking it in the back of a metaphorical desk drawer and never looking at it again.  That seems a bit of a waste though, so instead I'm putting it up here - at least then some of it will have seen the light of day at some point!

I hope you enjoy it - and no, this excerpt is not too long. At least, I don't think so... (see? No objectivity...)


Finding Katie (working title)

Prologue: October 1993

I strip down to my swimsuit on the nearly empty beach and look out at the sea, a flat grey in the early morning light.

And I know already that I’m not going to be able to do it.

When I woke alone in the quiet darkness of the caravan an hour ago, my mind was made up; this was the only way out.  As I folded my nightclothes and left them in a neat pile on the bed, I was resolute; this was the only way out.  Whilst I made my way through the dunes, purposefully avoiding any other early risers in case they gave me a smile I wouldn’t be able to return, I was still certain; this was the only way out.

Now though, as I stand shivering in the chilly autumn morning, I come to my senses.  This is a crazy plan.  I can’t just walk into the water and… go.  No matter what I’ve found out, I can’t finish it like this; it will devastate Mum and Dad. 

And my brother.  Oh god, my little brother...  It will destroy him.

The memories come rushing back, one after another, and I think back to when he was tiny, Mum was ill, and it was my job to look after him.  I remember his gummy smiles and warm compact little body, and how used to clamp his arms around my neck and cover my cheek with hot sticky kisses as I hoisted him out of his cot in the mornings. 

I think about him toddling across the living room floor pretending to be a car.  I think about the time I took my eleven year old eyes off him for one minute to read my latest copy of Smash Hits and he walked into the door, cutting his head open on the lock.  I think of how he hardly cried as I held his hand in the back of the car on the way to hospital to get the wound stitched up.  You can still see the faint scar in his hairline now, even though he’s fifteen.
And I realise again that I can’t do it. 

I can still call it off – one phone call, and I can still call it off.  And then, I can just head back home and… 

Oh god; home. 

Shivering slightly in the cool morning air, I pick my way gingerly across the sharp stones of the pebbled beach, and force myself to step into the water.  It’s freezing, and I give a sharp intake of breath as goose-bumps run like an electric shock up my legs but I ignore them; this is no time to be feeble. 

The cold laps around my ankles, then my knees, and I keep right on going until it’s at waist-height.  Then I take a deep breath, plunge in – fuck, it’s like ice – and start swimming, away from the shore.


Because it’s time to stop pretending; there is no other way out.

Thursday, 14 July 2016

Escapism, pure and simple...

The summer holidays are here so normal service on this blog has been suspended (even more than usual) for the time being.  To keep things ticking over, however, I'm using a fb exchange between my sis and I from this morning.  I think it's entertaining...

From my sis to me: 


Tory name = first name of a grandparent + the name of the first Street you lived on hyphenated with your 1st headteacher's surname.
Reginald Elvaston-Woodhouse. Sorry Potty Mummy, I bagged it first.


From me to my sis: 

Well, I'll have to be your unmarried sister, Joan Elvaston-Woodhouse. Pillar of the local WI, unpaid house-keeper for Reginald, and still pining for a young accounts clerk, Alfred, who declared his love before going to Tenby on a works trip, falling for a brassy barmaid, and never returning. 

Alfred and Primrose run a sea-side cafe now and he often thinks wistfully of Joan and her bramble jelly as he wipes condensation from the salt-stained windows. 

Joan, meanwhile, is unaware that the local vicar, wounded in some unnamed war and bearing a slight limp as a consequence, dreams of her at night. Reginald knows, mind you, but keeps it to himself, unwilling to lose his devoted sister to another form of affection. And... Breathe....


From my sis to me:

Oh my God. I want to know more. 

Does Joan ever find out about the vicar's secret love? 

Will Alfred leave Primrose to peel the potatoes for the chips and take the bus back to Joan's village for the day, sitting next to the phone box on the village green, hoping for a sight of Joan whilst eating his corn beef and pickled sandwiches? 

And will Reginald take his attention away from the golf course just for one minute, to appreciate Joan's sacrifice?


From me to my sis: 

Don't think too harshly of Reginald. He is holding a torch for the redoubtable widow Verity Ssykes-Winton, a strong-willed lady with a bust like the prow of a ship.

Verity rules society in Upper Moultings with a rod of iron and, whilst she enjoys Reginald's attentions, has no intent - now that she's outlived her aged and querulous former husband Colonel StJohn Ssykes-Winton - of ever submitting to the marital yoke again. So Reginald is distracted, and a little envious of the puppy-dog devotion that his sister inspires in Vicar Edmund Oak-Wooton as she moves around the church arranging flowers and embroidering samplers for the pews...


That's it - for now.  Stay tuned for more inanity from Little Moultings.  (Oh, who am I kidding?  The next post on here is unlikely to happen until the next term starts...)

Tuesday, 12 April 2016

Well, would you look at that?

It's been a month since I last posted.  A month. How did that happen?  Actually, scratch that question; I suspect that all I need to say is 'Easter Holidays' and anyone who has, has had, or ever plans to have, children attending school will probably understand.

The little darlings are back in class today though, so life has resumed it's normal rhythm.  Which is to say, I have been kicked out of the office because Husband is 'working from home' this morning and so I've been banished to the dining room table.  Not, in itself, that much of a hardship since it's closer to the tea and biscuits.  And the chocolate.  And the left-over Dutch Easter bread.  And - oh, jesus, I have to stop this right now.

*casts desperately about for a change of subject*

You might have noticed that productivity has fallen off a cliff as far as this blog is concerned.  That's because I have been 'finishing' The Great Work, aka My Novel.

*pause whilst tumbleweed rolls through the streets of 'Oh, Who Cares?'*

(Apologies for the gratuitous use of caps in the last couple of lines; they are of course totally unmerited, but, you know, it's My Blog.  So...)

An explanation now for the use of apostrophes around the word 'finishing'.  (A few of lines above  this - come on, keep up...).   Anyone who has ever spent *mumbles incomprehensively* years attempting to write a novel will probably know how difficult it is to actually finish it.  Especially a first novel.  An un-comissioned, un-represented, probably un-wanted first novel...

But, you know, that's just detail.  The difficulty that I'm trying to communicate here is in the finishing.  Because every time you think you've completed your ms (short for 'manuscript' - get me with the writer talk), you spot another typo.  Or a novice mistake.  God, the novice mistakes...  For example, if you're writing an observational passage in which a man has an unspoken thought, is it necessary to write '... he thought to himself.'?  No.  Of course it isn't.  Because that would be foolish.  I mean, who else would he be thinking it to?

It is, therefore, worth bearing this in mind whilst editing your ms (cough) down to the requisite sub-100,000 words.  If you don't you will just have to go back through the damn thing again to take the offending phrase out, each and every time you've used it.   And during this exercise you will of course find a million other phrases that sound trite, unconvincing or just down-right unnecessary and which will also need to be removed from the narrative for the sake of your sanity and more importantly, to avoid sounding like a 12 year old.

So, when I thought I had finished the ms (feel free to substitute 'damn thing' for ms if that seems appropriate - it did to me), it turned out that actually, I hadn't; there was still a fair bit of weeding to go.  And whilst I was at it, it seemed like a good time to drop in the additional narrative from another character's point of view that not one but two people Whose Opinions I Should Have Taken More Seriously At The Time suggested almost a year ago.  Which of course required a fairly hefty rewrite of about about 30% of the book if I was going to keep it under the 100,000 word limit.

Anyhoo...

It's done now.  And just to make sure of that I've taken a couple of precautionary measures.

1.  I've started on the next one.  Well, when I say 'started' (again with the apostrophes), I mean I've drawn a few spidergrammes and written the first chapter - the one that I will no doubt edit out in time but which seems essential to the plot right now.

2.  I've submitted the first Great Work to a couple of competitions and a couple of agents.  Will anything come of that?  Who knows.  But nothing ventured, nothing gained, and at least the ruddy thing is finished.  (Well - until I open it back up and decide to start tinkering again...).



Sunday, 14 July 2013

Gone fishing? I should be so lucky...

It's the holiday season.  Well, when I say 'holiday' what I actually mean is the Expat Summer Shuffle which, rather than time lying on a beach with a pina-colada to-hand as you wade through the latest paperback block-buster, is in fact solo-parenting time spent moving from one long-suffering family member or friend to the next, packing, unpacking, repacking, buying extra suitcases to contain the supplies of school uniform and clothes for the kids that you've bought along the way in the UK sales, and of course taking any opportunity you can to squeeze in the odd load of laundry when possible.

It's great to catch up with our nearest and dearest, but this lifestyle is not conducive to writing long posts - or, it seems, looking back on the last week or so on The Potty Diaries, any posts - so please bear with me for the moment whilst the Potski familiski makes their summer progress through Northern Europe.

On the plus side, I have come up with a killer concept for my next novel.  Never mind that I have yet to finish my first, or indeed that the 60K words I have already written require some fairly extensive editing; at least I know what I'm going to be doing next.

You know.  In my spare time...

Thursday, 20 June 2013

Why Blogging is like Fight Club. No, really.

It's probably going to be quiet on The Potty Diaries this weekend.  I'm heading off to the UK for a weekend of talking about blogging rather than actually blogging, at BritMums Live!

This will make a refreshing change from my usual m.o. which - when speaking to 'real' people - is to treat blogging like Fight Club.  Remember?  First rule about Fight Club; Never speak about Fight Club.  Second rule about Fight Club?  Never speak about Fight Club.  So it generally is with blogging and me.

It's not that I'm ashamed of my blog, you understand - rather the opposite.  I'm proud of it, would shout about it from the roof tops if I could.  It's more that a) it's supposed to be anonymous  and b) very often when you tell people who don't blog that you do - if you tell them - they immediately make assumptions about you.

These are, in no particular order:

1.  You have no friends.  This is surprising because the majority of bloggers I've met face to face are some of the most gregarious and engaging people I know.  Frankly, given the opportunity, we rarely shut up.

2.  You have too much time on your hands.  That's why this morning, I'm squeezing writing a blog post in between dropping my kids at school, going into the city to pick up my new visa, sorting the house into some semblance of order, making a cake for the troops to eat whilst I'm gone - got to remind them of the benefits of having me around, obviously - doing the laundry, packing for my weekend away, and getting to the airport on time to make my flight later on.

3.  In a direct contradiction with 2. , that the housework never gets done  This may be true.  I couldn't possibly comment apart from to say, thank god for our cleaner.

4.  You must be short of things to write about, so they can expect to see themselves featured in glorious prose.  Some people are even surprised when they discover that this isn't the case...  I can only say here that since I can barely remember the content of conversations I had with my own family the day after - no, a couple of hours after - they take place, I am quite pleased that I'm able to fool other people into entirely the wrong impression about the strength of my short term memory.

5.  You must be making a fortune.  Ha!

So, anyway; I'm off to London now to talk about blogging to my heart's content for a couple of days.  And then I will return - hopefully with fewer bruises than Brad Pitt and Edward Norton sported after their weekends of Fight Club excess - to settle back into my day to day existence and undercover blogging once again...


If you have a blog, and tell people about it, do you have anything to add to this list?  And if you don't tell people, why not?

  

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

I'ld rather be writing...

I want to be writing, but I can't.  Not because I have writers block, but because I have a sick child at home and there are few things more guaranteed to distract from any creative process than sitting worrying about your son's high temperature.  Or running upstairs repeatedly to check said high temperature.  Or dealing with repeated requests for water / a toy / a dvd / repeat to fade...

Right now I'm recovering from the latest battle to get Boy #2 to take the nurofen that he hates the taste of but which he needs to bring those numbers down.  It wasn't pretty, I can tell you.  Promises were made - and ignored.  Physical coercion may have been employed.  Threats were certainly utilised.  In a way it's lucky Boy #2 is feeling so ill; he wasn't sharp enough to work out that my bundling him into the car to take him to a hospital where they would intravenously give him the drugs - if he didn't take it in liquid form himself here at home - was an impossibility bearing in mind that Husband has taken the car to work with him today.  Oh, the lies we tell our children...

So, anyway, I have had to put 'The Great Work' to one side for the moment, which is why this post is about writing rather than actually getting on and doing it.

I'm a little over half way through TGW at the moment.  It's taken a while to get this far, but I've made significant progress in the last couple of months and am hopeful that - children's illness aside - I may manage to finish the bones of it before the summer break, but this had presented me with a dilemma; do I ask someone to read it, now, for useful feedback - or do I continue to keep it to myself until I've completed it? I guess writers vary in their approach to this matter, but since this is the first time I've been through this process I've no previous experience to go on.

I can see why I would ask for feedback; it's hard to exist in a bell jar, and an unbiased opinion on what I've written and the direction the story is taking would certainly be helpful.  On the other hand - is there really any such thing as 'an unbiased opinion'?  Whatever we read, we bring our own baggage and experiences to the process - which is why one person can love a book that leaves another cold.  And whilst I do have some idea of how my story will end, it's still a fragile enough structure in my mind to give me pause before I set it up on a wall to be knocked down.

Decisions, decisions...

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

This post is probably only of interest if you blog...

...so if you don't, and are still reading, don't say I didn't warn you.

It's over.  That children's story competition I entered, I mean.  Needless to say, I didn't win, and that's fine; I enjoyed writing the story and learned a lot about how to use Facebook in the voting process (in itself, not before time, I might add), so it definitely wasn't a wasted experience.  I certainly don't expect to win any competition that I enter; to do so would be nice, but there are plenty of writers out there who are far more creative and imaginative than I am.  I know that, and am OK with it.

However, I learned something else apart from how to use another type of social media as a result of this particular competition, which is that in future I won't be entering any contest in which the winner is decided not on the merit of the entry, but on number of 'likes' their entry gains on Facebook.  In hindsight, I should have spotted from the start that this was not a good fit for me; I don't 'work' Facebook the way some people do, never have and probably never will (although after this I do now see the benefits of it in a way I didn't before), so going into battle with only 50 or so followers for my (assumed) name was probably never going to be a success.

This type of mechanic is always going to be more of a beauty contest than about which was the better story.  That is not, of course, to say that the story which won was not better than mine; it's all subjective.  I prefer the story I wrote, of course I do, but the winning entry is very different to mine and if the decision had been made by a panel of judges, they may well have reached the same verdict that the voters on Facebook did.

However, the fact remains that it was not an objective group of people reaching the decision on which was the best story so much as individual bloggers mustering support through their readers, family and friends and asking them to visit the relevant page and hit the 'like' button.  And then how motivated their supporters were to do that.   And then, about the entrants tweeting, posting, and re-tweeting pleas for support until we (or at least, I) felt sick of the whole process and painfully aware of how this type of mechanic cynically exploits our individual will to win to drive traffic to the relevant site, whilst simultaneously spreading the name of the competition sponsor across the web.

You may wonder if this post is the result of sour grapes on my part.  Would I be writing this if I had won the £500 prize?  Honestly?  Probably not.  But I do think that the ultimate outcome - that I won't be entering any more competitions which select winners based on the number of Facebook 'likes' received  - would be the same.

I suppose that ultimately I'm writing this for two reasons, the first of which is to suggest to PR agencies that they may pull writers in once to do this, but are unlikely to get the same people interested in doing it a second time.

But mainly, I think I'm writing this to share my experiences and to open the debate for bloggers as to whether this type of subjective popularity contest is really an effective use of their time and creativity.  Because I know I've got better things to do than post and tweet 'Vote for Me!' - and I'm pretty sure that you have better things to do than to read those posts and tweets...

Answers on a postcard (or in the comments box), please...

Monday, 17 September 2012

Feather & Black Midsummer Nights' Dream Blogger Challenge

Nearly three weeks ago, I wrote about being asked to participate in Feather & Black's Midsummer Nights' Dream Blogger Challenge.  Feather and Black sell children's beds and all manner of gorgeous bedroom furniture, and have asked a number of bloggers to write a children's story based on a series of prompt images which they've posted over at their Facebook page.

Once all the participating blogs have posted their entries, visitors to the Feather and Black's Facebook page will be able to see all the entries and vote for their favourite, and the one with the highest number of votes will win £500.

Needless to say, I would be delighted if you would read my (probably far too long) entry below, and then consider visiting the Feather and Black facebook page and voting for me by clicking on the 'like' button in the box showing the screen shot of and which links to The Potty Diaries.  (If you click the 'like' button anywhere else on the Feather and Black page, your vote won't register for me).  And who knows, if you enjoy this story, maybe your children might, too.

First off, though, here are the picture prompts...

 

 

And here, my friends, is the story...

The Magical Bookshelves


Issy and Spike loved to go to Grandma’s house for the summer holidays.  She lived in a house that seemed stuffed full of magic; hidden staircases, quiet corners, and mysterious books that seemed to push themselves out from the shelves as if they knew – just knew – what it was that the children wanted to read about at that particular moment.

If Issy wanted to read about valiant princes and fearless princesses, a book telling a story about that very thing that would somehow be sticking it’s dusty spine out from between the others on the shelves just when she wanted it.  If Spike wanted to read about dinosaurs, cowboys, and pirates – all in the same book – then amazingly, the very book would appear.

It was as if the stories were being written especially for them.

“Grandma” said Issy one evening as they were getting ready for bed.  “Is there something special about your books?” “I should think so!” Grandma replied.  “I’ve spent years collecting them and would never part with them.  Why do you ask?”

“We wondered how it is that there always seems to be a story exactly right for us” said Spike. “At the library I look at lots of books, but it always takes me much longer there to find the one I want to read than it does here.”

“Ah,” said Grandma.  “I was wondering when you would notice that.  Would you like to know how it happens?”  “Yes!” they chorused.  “We would!  How does it? How does it happen?”

Grandma looked at them, seated either side of her on the sofa, and put an arm around each.  “Well, I shall tell you.  But you must promise not to tell anyone else, not until one day when you are sitting here with your own children and they notice the same thing.” “Why, Grandma?  Why can’t we?” asked Issy.

“Because, my dears, it’s magic – and magic always has to be kept secret, or it wears out.  And also because, well, most people don’t believe in magic these days.  Which is sad, but that’s just the way life is...”

Not really understanding, but realising that the only way to find out the secret was to promise, they both solemnly agreed to keep the magic to themselves.

“Very well” said Grandma.  “Here it is, then.  Just for you two; 'The Tale of the Magical Bookshelves'...

“Once upon a time, many years ago, there lived a little girl.  She was an adventurous sort, always getting in trouble and never without scratched knees and dirt under her fingernails.  She loved to spend her days out on the beach near her home, watching the ships in the distance, climbing up the cliffs, and exploring the rock pools.

She was always out there, whether the sun was shining, the mist was settling, the rain was drizzling, or the wind was howling.  Her parents despaired because, although they loved her and were happy for her to spend so much time outside they also wanted her to learn to love reading, so she could learn about the world elsewhere as well.  But Jess – for that was our heroine’s name – was convinced that books and stories were boring and that nothing on paper could compare to the fun she was having outside.

One afternoon in late summer, Jess was walking alone along the shore-line.  It was nearing tea time and her friends had all set off home, but Jess decided to go for one last scramble up a jumble of rocks sticking out from the point.  It had stormed heavily the previous evening and the jigsaw of granite blocks was covered with flotsam and jetsam from the pounding waves the night before.  Pieces of driftwood, strands of seaweed, and luminous shells were caught in the cracks of dark grey rock.

She decided to climb to the top, where she knew that there were some hidden rock pools.  After a storm there were sometimes interesting things to be found up there, so she clambered up, snagging her fingernails, scuffing the fronts of her shoes, and grazing her elbows until eventually she made it.

As she stood there looking at the yachts on the distant water, Jess felt thirsty.  She was just wishing she had thought to bring an orange from home with her when she heard a voice. “Hello.  I thought I was alone up here, but here you are, too.” Jess looked around quickly.  There was nobody there.  Who had spoken? Had she imagined it?  Then she heard the voice again.

“I’m over here.  By the pointy rock.  Can you see me?”  Jess rubbed her eyes;  she still couldn’t see anything.  But then, as she walked closer to a curiously shaped triangular piece of granite, she became aware of a rock pool that she hadn't noticed before at it’s base.  It was about the same size as her bath at home, and was lined with feathery looking dark green seaweed. Lying floating in the pool was a boy, a little bit younger than she was.

Well.  I say a boy.  Because that’s what the top part of him looked like; dark haired, blue eyed, with a cheeky expression on his suntanned face.  But instead of legs and feet where you and I have legs and feet, this boy had a fish’s tail.

Jess gasped.  Then she squeaked, “What are you doing here?  I mean, how did you get here?  I mean, what are you?  I mean...”  Her voice trailed off.  She didn’t know what to say.  The merboy looked at her, grinning widely.  “You know, they always told me land-kids ask stupid questions but I never believed them before.  Now, though, I’m wondering if they were right.  Shall we start again?  Good afternoon.  My name is Felix and I’m a merboy.  Now – it’s your turn...”

Jess blushed.  “So sorry.  My name is Jess and I’m – well, I’m just a girl.  Well, a land-kid.  And I’m sorry to be rude but I never met a merboy before...  What are you doing here?”

Felix sighed heavily.  “Ah, well, it’s silly, really.  I got carried away playing with the white horses in the storm last night, came too close to the shore line and was picked up by an enormous wave and washed in here.  Hurt myself in the process” - here, he pointed to a gash running down one side of his glistening green and gold tail – “and whilst it shouldn’t take too long to heal, I can’t leave this pool and slide over the rocks until that happens, or the wound will open up again.  So I’m stranded for at least 4 days until the next spring tide and let me tell you, even though it’s been less than 24 hours, I’m already going mad with boredom.  I don’t suppose you know any stories, do you?”

Jess grimaced.  “I’m not very good with stories, I’m afraid.  More of an action sort of person...” Felix, trying very hard not to look disappointed, nodded understandingly.  “Me too, normally.  Just thought I would ask.”

Suddenly, Jess had a thought “Wait!  Wait – I think that actually, I might be able to help. Can you read?  I can bring you some books.”  Felix looked at her.  “What do you mean, ‘read’?  I can read the currents, if that’s what you mean. I can read the signs of the oceans, the stars at night, the patterns of migrating fish and birds.  Is that what you mean?”

“Ummm, no, it isn’t. But don’t worry.  I don’t do it very often, but I can read.  So I’ll come back tomorrow morning with some books and I will read them to you.  And then you’ll have all the stories you can handle!”

That evening, Jess’s parents were amazed to see her combing the book shelves.  “Jess – are you looking for something in particular?” her mother asked, watching her pull out one volume after another, glancing at the first page, frowning, and then adding it to a growing pile on the floor.

“Yes.  Yes, I’m looking for something interesting.  Something not boring!  And all these books seem so boring.  I don’t know where to start...”  Her mother reached past her and pulled out a battered volume from the far end of the shelf.  Then she opened it on the first page and read out loud “’Aladdin was a little Chinese boy.’  How’s that for starters?  You used to love the story of Aladdin when you were smaller – and in this book, there are lots of other interesting stories too...”  Jess smiled at her mother.  “That’s exactly it! How did you know...?”

The next four mornings saw Jess disappearing off to the beach straight after breakfast each day, with a book tucked under each arm and a picnic lunch in the rucksack on her back.  She read to Felix all day until her throat was sore, and Felix lapped up every word, exclaiming in wonder at the twists and turns  of the stories, and always asking for her to read “Just one more page, Jess.  Please?”

Slowly, slowly, his wound healed up, and by the end of the afternoon of the fourth day, the scar had closed completely.  The glossy scales on his beautiful tail looked as if they had never been scratched.

“It’s high tide tonight” he said, as she packed up her books and lunchbox before heading home as the sun set out over the sea.  “We must say goodbye to each other, and I have to go home – back to the wide open ocean.  My family will have been missing me.  But just think what stories I’m going to have to tell them, and it’s all thanks to you.  How can I repay you?”

Jess thought about it.  “You know, I think you already have, in a way.  I’ve loved reading these stories too, and I never would have done if it weren’t for you.  So I don’t think you owe me anything...”

Felix looked thoughtful.  “That may be true.  But I want to do something to say thankyou.  I’ll think about it, and you never know – maybe I’ll surprise you.”

..........................................

It was windy and stormy that night and Jess and her parents could hear the waves pounding the beach in the distance, but the next morning dawned clear and still and she raced down to the beach as soon as she got out of bed.

Almost holding her breath, she scaled the granite rocks on the point.  The bath-sized pool was empty, with nothing to show that Felix had ever been there.  She looked out to sea and imagined him waiting for high tide and then hoisting himself out on to the rock and making his way across the granite, before flipping over the edge and disappearing beneath the stormy waves.

Reaching into the water, she picked up a striped pebble that glistened as it dried in the sunshine, and went home for breakfast, where she put it safely on the bookshelf and settled down to eat her toast.

Later that same day, Jess found herself missing something.  “It must be Felix”, she thought, “I must be missing him.  But there’s something else, too.  What is it?”  Without realising what she was doing, she made her way to the bookshelves.  “It’s reading” she thought.  “I want to read.  But what?”  She looked at the books, lined up neatly like soldiers, waiting for her attention.  One of them seemed to be sticking out a little. She tugged at it. ‘The Tales of Huckleberry Finn’ it read along the spine.

From that point on, Jess’s parents marvelled at the change that had come over their daughter.  She still spent a lot of her time on the beach, but now she took a book with her.  And somehow, she never needed to ask for their help on which one to choose; indeed, interesting books almost seemed to fall into her hand.  It was as if the years when she had thought reading was boring had never existed...”

............................

“And that, my dears, is the end of the story” said Grandma.  The children looked at her, wide-eyed.  “Was that you, Grandma?” asked Spike.  “Were you Jess?  Did you meet a merboy and read him stories?”

“Well, that would be telling, wouldn’t it?  Now, time for bed.  Up you go.  Into your jammies, I’ll be there in 5 minutes.  And on your way up past the books, maybe you can choose one for me to read to you.”

Issy and Spike paused in front of the heavily laden shelves.  A brown and yellow striped pebble sat neatly on one of them, and just next to it the edge of a book jutted out from between it's neighbours.  “Just So Stories by Rudyard Kipling” said Issy.  “Let’s have that one...”

The end.


If you enjoyed this story and think it should win the Feather & Black competition, please visit their facebook page here and click the 'like' button at the foot of the image of my blog. Please be sure to click the 'like' button on the post that links to The Potty Diaries as otherwise, your vote won't register for me.

Thankyou!

Thursday, 24 May 2012

I'm navel gazing - again. This time, it's all about anonymity...

God, I wish this blog were anonymous.

If it were anonymous, I could write whatever the hell I liked, about who I liked, when I liked.  I wouldn't have to consider hurt feelings, the possibility of backlashes, the damage that I might do to relationships with an ill-thought out flip sarcastic remark about - well.  I can't actually say what I want to there because, you know, the person I'm saying it about might read this and then they could get upset.  Even if what I want to write is so damn funny that it makes me laugh out loud, sometimes I just can't do it.

Instead, I measure my words.  I pace out my sentences.  I consider my sentiments, and try to ensure that on-screen at least, they are as clearly phrased as possible.  I do everything humanly possible to present myself, my life, and my circumstances in a clean and tidy manner (a place for everything and everything in it's place), when in reality I want to scream and shout and be unreasonable and just fxcking swear out loud sometimes for fxcks' sake.  And I want to write FUCK without using an 'x' instead of a 'u', or worrying that the wrong searches will pick up this blog and get me banned from google or put me on the 'Avoid at All Cost' list for bloggers who care about such things. (For the record, I don't, particularly.  A well placed and relevant expletive is worth more than a glass of wine in lowering my stress levels - or it would be, if I were allowed to use such words as a clean-living mother of two small boys.)

You might be wondering what my problem is.  After all, The Potty Diaries is anonymous, isn't it?  Well, no.  Not really.  Not where it counts.  Sure, there may be one or two members of my family who don't know I blog (my 98 year old grandmother being one of them), but not that many if I sit down and think about it.  And you know what?  I did this.

I. Did. This.

I brought it all on myself.  Oh, I started with good intentions, certainly.  I began writing it late at night, when even my husband was in bed (or away from home), and didn't tell a soul.  I kept it close, kept it secret, worried that if I had to care what other people thought of my writing it would stifle my creativity.  (Yes, yes, I know; it's a blog, not a great novel, for goodness' sake.  I shouldn't be so pretentious about it).  But then - well, then I began to get proud of it.  I started to get readers.  I made friends online.  And not only did it make sense to explain to people what was taking up some of my time (and why, if I'm honest, I was less frustrated with my lot as a stay at home mum, because as you may know; if you do it right, blogging provides some of the best free therapy there is for recovering career women), but I wanted to show it off.

I wanted my nearest and dearest to see how bloody clever I am.  Look at me!  I've taken nothing and made it something!  Aren't I great? Because really, that's one of the big appeals of blogging for me; showing that I still have a brain.

But was giving up my anonymity worth it?

I am aware, of course, that the moment you admit to writing anything online, if it bears any relation to your 'real' life, a determined searcher can find you with very few problems.  So if I'm honest about it, the chances of a blog's author remaining undetected and truly anonymous are practically zilch.  And then there's always the future to consider; once you write something, it's out there.  For as long as this is an internet-fueled world, it's out there.  No matter that you might take down your blog, delete your posts, consign all your musings to the metaphorical circular file; somewhere they will be on record.  So screaming like a harpy about your child's issues / love life / family concerns / general gripes and moans could be seen as inadvisable if you don't want a  curious teen to learn all about mummy's secret thoughts in 10 years time.

So I guess it's a moot point, really.  Unless I want to go back to the old technology and simply write a diary, stuffing it under the mattress for safekeeping and leaving instructions with my solicitor to burn it when I'm gone to save my children's blushes, I need to accept that sometimes I have to self-censor.

I mean, pen and paper is all very well, but I would be the only person to read a diary.  And where's the fun in that?

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Gone Writing...

A while back I posted about starting to write a book. It's been a little 'stop/go' since then, if I'm honest. After an inital burst of enthusiasm, and a lot of thinking, Real Life started to get in the way and it's only now - that an event here in Moscow which I was doing some work for is done and dusted - that I've actually sat down and started to have a proper go at My Masterpiece.

It's such an interesting process. I should come clean here, and say that I haven't had 'The Big Idea' burning away on the back of the stove for years now. There was no blinding flash of inspiration where I sat up in bed in the middle of the night and shouted 'Eureka! I've got it!', no, nothing that impressive.

When I started writing I knew only two things, in fact. I knew what the location for the opening page of the book would be, and based on a fascinating piece of family history that a friend shared with me about a few months ago, I had an inkling that it would involve a search of some kind. And that was it. That was all I had to go on.

If I'm honest, I thought this book would be about me, or someone like me. Some slightly more mature version of chick-lit perhaps; lighter on the bags and shoes than some of the offerings out there, heavier on the international travel (so far, so Potski Mumski), but essentially something that I knew.

Imagine my surprise then, when I started tapping away and discovered this book - my book - is not about me at all. How very dare my subconscious?!! My protaganist jumped from my fingers straight onto the keys, almost fully formed. I know his name (for yes, it's a guy - go figure!), I know what he looks like, I know his shortcomings, I know what stage of life he's at. I know his family, I know his girlfriend. Hell, I can even visualise the colour of his rucksack and the scuffs on his shoes.

And I know he's at a crossroads and that there is something which must be resolved before he decides which route to take. I even have a fair idea of how he's going to get there.

And the more I write, the clearer this all becomes to me. It's incredible - and I love doing it.

Whether this work of art (for which read amateur drivel) will ever see the light of day anywhere other than on my laptop is questionable. And it's all taking rather longer to get going than I thought it would. Seventy thousand is a LOT of words, people. A lot. And I'm nowhere near that total yet, mainly because I can't stop myself re-reading and then editing the previous days' work before I start on the next, but I'm hoping I'll move on from what is probably a classic beginner's mistake shortly and just write more fluidly.

In the meantime, though, please excuse me if I am a little distracted...

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Statement of intent...

I can't ignore it any more. It's been eating away at me for months now, if not years. I've tried to push it to one side. Don't be stupid, I've told myself. You don't have the time for this. You don't have the headspace for this. You've got too much going on. When on earth would you find the opportunity?

And - if I'm honest - there's also a small voice that asks dismissively; what makes you think you could?

But always, always, it's there at the back of my mind, like the elephant in the corner of the room, like a great unsolved puzzle, like - well, like nothing so much as an unacknowledged pregnancy, actually.

Despite the thousands of words that I write here and elsewhere every week, I feel pregnant with creativity that I haven't allowed myself to express. I know; that's a big statement. It's so self-important, too. Oooh, get me with the creativity. Get me with the big plan. Christ knows, I don't have the first idea where or how to start. But I need to stop messing about and just get on with it.

It's time to put my money where my mouth is and see if I can actually put more than 500 words down on paper in one go, and crucially have them make some kind of sense. Don't get me wrong, blogging has been (and will continue to be, I'm not giving it up) fantastic; it's helped me find my 'voice', gain confidence in so many ways, and build up a network that I value and treasure, but amazingly, I think - I think - that it might no longer be enough.

Somehow, I have to give writing - I can hardly bring myself to announce my intentions in public for fear of god-knows-what - a 'proper' book a try.

I have no idea what form it will eventually take; I have a couple of ideas and plan to work them through properly, but I suspect that what will kick-start the creative process, for me, is simply to sit down and just get on with it.

And then, I'll know. Have I got what it takes? Watch this space...


Thursday, 28 April 2011

Starting over...

Imagine this; you are asked to start a new blog. (Well, if I'm honest, you offer to start a new blog, but let's not split hairs). It seems like a great idea (it is a great idea) because it's simply an extension of what you do already, but here's the rub; essentially, you have to start from scratch.

Forget any rapport that you may have built up with your readers over the last 4 years or so, forget being able to take for granted that your audience knows roughly how old you and your kids are, what your cultural references are (British, Londoner, child of the 70's and 80's), and that when you call people 'sweetie' and 'darling' you are playing up to a stereotype and essentially taking the piss out of yourself - and that your readers know that.

Forget too the chance that the person reading posts on your new blog may have touched on any part of your journey from blogging as a stay at home mum struggling with the concept of not going back to work and having precious little control over their day to day routine with two small children in tow, through to being a relatively self-confident woman who knows that whilst her current job is part of what she is, it certainly isn't all she is.

And finally, forget any confidence in knowing who your readers actually are, since the new platform you'll be blogging on has precious little to do with that where your current blog lives.

OK, forgotten all that?


I've started writing a new - more Russia-centric - blog on The Moscow Times ('Russia's only English-language daily newspaper') website. You can see my first post there by clicking on the link above. It won't replace 'The Potty Diaries', but will live alongside it for as long as that's a mutually beneficial arrangement. If you choose to take a look you may recognise photographs, incidents and / or posts from the archives here (hey, I own the copyright, why not?), but there will also be unique content which I'll flag here when I post it there, in case anyone's interested.

And, can I just add? I am pretty damn proud of myself for making this happen.

(That's the self-confident woman who's busy extending her cv speaking, by the way...)

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

Life-guard duties and wake-up calls...

One of the great things about holidaying with friends who have children of a similar age to your own is that the job of entertaining your offspring all is not just halved but quartered. Not only do you have other like-minded adults to help with the camp organiser duties, but the kids themselves are quite happy to tear the place up themselves with no thought to asking for adult interference.

In fact, it appears that they prefer you don't get involved at all, other than in essential cases like reaching the too-high handle of the freezer door to access the ice-creams, providing an endless supply of snacks and meals (the less healthy the better, obviously), and to act as life-guards around the rather too-deep pool (well, you can't have everything).

This sudden - and very welcome - reduction in duties has meant that over the last few days I've had the opportunity to laze in the sun and try to -unsuccessfully - tan out the strap marks on my feet acquired due to an early summer spent in an unwise choice of strappy sandal (admittedly, choices of affordable footwear are limited in Moscow but really, what was I thinking??), and also - less trivially, perhaps - to ponder the fact that come September, when Boy #2 joins his older brother full-time at school, it's time to start putting my money where my mouth is and start motoring on 'the writing stuff'.

I had already formulated an extremely sketchy strategy (involving getting paid large amounts of money and being generally lauded for my extreme fabulousness, in return for minimum amounts of work, obviously), when I came across this post on the BlogHer site by Her Bad Mother, which provided something of a wake-up call.

In it, Catherine (Her Bad Mother) writes of how she was detained when travelling through US Customs by Homeland Security because - get this - she told them that the purpose of her visit to the United States was to attend a Yahoo conference as a mum blogger, and the male officers she was being interviewed by didn't believe that to be such a thing could possibly be a real, professional, paying job. To the extent that the question 'who do you really work for?' was even asked.

This does seem a rather short-sighted misogynistic attitude on their part regarding the validity of basing a career on writing about being a mother. I don't think, for example, that if a male writer for Loaded magazine told them the purpose of his visit to the US was to go to various bars to find girls willing to take part in a feature called 'We Like Big Boobs', he would be pulled aside for an hour long interview. I hate to say it, but I rather think they would shake his hand as he was waved through the VIP channel...

But I think that what really bothers me here is that if Her Bad Mother - a very successful blogger - gets pulled up and asked these sort of questions (and let's face it, which of us hasn't been faced with blank faces and questions like 'Hang on. Do you mean to tell me that you write about your life with the kids and people not related to you actually read it? And then come back for more?'), what chance do I stand of making this 'writing stuff' work?

Hmm. That strategy I mentioned earlier? May need fine tuning a little...

Saturday, 12 December 2009

One day...

One day I will not let it get to me when the Boys start and end the day with a whine.

One day I will stay serene and calm as the pre-breakfast energy-low hits just around the time I'm trying to persuade them that it is a good idea to let me use my icy-cold hands to smear moisturising cream into their eczema-prone skin.

(One day I'll find the right herbal lotion or potion to improve my circulation.)

One day I will ask them to put their shoes on for the school run, and they'll do it, first time. (No - that's never going to happen).

One day I will walk out of the flat for the school run cool, collected, and without the collar of my coat turned the wrong way out or hissing 'Just get up. The. Stairs!' at my sons.

One day I will drink coffee, and like it. The world of double plus plus latte's with mocha shots and fairy wings sprinkled on the top will be my oyster.

One day I will sit in elegant cafes on the King's Road, Chelsea, watching the world go by with newly-polished boots (fxck it - let's just make them new), skinny jeans that don't dig in at the waist because I just can't bear to admit I have gone up a dress-size again, fitted (but not too fitted, because that would be trashy) t-shirts from Joseph, as I talk knowledgably about World Events.

One day I will buy something from Pret a Porter.

One day it will fit.

One day I will click 'open' when my e-mail notifies me that a new piece of news has come through to me from The Financial Times.

One day I will understand the term 'sub-prime'.

One day I will be paid to write.

One day I will have something useful to write about. One day I will be able to walk away from bitchy comments left about pieces I have written on other websites in the understanding that it is not about my issues, but theirs.

One day I will groooooooooove to jazz. One day I will be able to pick a tune out of the discordant jumble of notes and not start itching every time the name Dave Brubeck is mentioned.

One day I will enjoy opera. Or at least, be able to stay awake through it.

One day the Boys won't erupt in the car on the way home from school when I say that no, they can't have a second biscuit because we are only five minutes from home and they can wait to have a sandwich there.

One day the reason there aren't any more biscuits won't be because I snaffled the rest on my way to collect them.

One day the Boys won't mutter and complain when I point out that they chose an extra ten minutes television over a second bed-time story.

One day they will choose that second bed-time story instead of the extra television.

And then, one day, they won't. Because they won't want any bed-time story.

One day, I'll miss the whining at the beginnng and the end of the day. And I'll be glad I loved it - really - whilst I was going through it.