Rinse and repeat. And repeat. And repeat...

Things I never imagined I would say as regularly as I do (but which I suspect other mothers of boys might find somewhat familiar):

• Why - exactly - do you need to be naked to listen to Debussy's 'Clair de Lune' / Uptown Funk / The Black-Eyed Peas?
• Because I don't really want you to sit on the sofa cushions with your bare bottom
• Well, would YOU like to sit somewhere that someone else's bare bottom had been?
• It's state of cleanliness is not the point.  Well, OK, it is.  But you still have to put your clothes back on.
• Hurry up and put your taekwondo kit on, and leave your pants ON this time, please..
• I know papa does it - but that doesn't mean you have to.
• I know it's -10deg C outside, but can someone open the window please?
• Who-ever is responsible for what's on the loo seat, can they clean it up NOW, please?
• The idea of a family signature dance is lovely, darling.  But we're not doing that one.
• Well yes, I did hear Grandad tell that joke.  But it's still not appropriate for school.

And of course, that all time classic:

• No-one needs to see that first thing in the morning.

It doesn't matter where in the world you are...

... teenage humour never changes.

Overheard in the girls loos outside the school cafeteria:

"Hey! Girls! Did you hear about the new movie that's launching? It's called 'Constipation'. Oh - yeah, that's right, you won't have. It hasn't come out yet..."

Things you REALLY don't want to hear from your sons #115...

..."Sniff my finger, mama. Go on, sniff it!"*

It's at moments like these that you really understand what it is to be the mother of boys. That, and when his older brother asks - after you've given him a towel-wrapped cuddle at bathtime, dropping kisses on the top of his head - whether you would like to kiss his butt as well (before he collapses in a damp & fragrant heap of giggles on the bathroom floor...)

How unlike the home life of our own dear queen...

* Rest assured; I did not sniff said finger. Instead I marched Boy #2 to the bathroom and washed his hands before dumping him in the bath, trying all the time (somewhat unsuccessfully, I'll admit) to stay on high ground and choke back the laughter...