Dear So and So - UPDATED

This post is inspired by Kat at Three Bedroom Bungalow

Dear Wills & Kate,

On behalf of all your subjects living in countries other than Great Britain, I would like to thank you for making it legal this Friday. Not because I believe the union of marriage to be any superior to any of the alternatives, (although I have to say it is, mainly because well, I'm married myself and don't want to rock the boat), but because you have given a certain expat school in far-away Moscow the opportunity to celebrate alongside you. Even if you didn't plan it that way.

Our school, which is made up of no more than 20% Brits (discounting all those Russian citizens who just happen to have British passports that is), is throwing itself into this event as if you were both honoured alumni of our establishment. Who could have foreseen that it would be a good use of the PTO's funds & organisational time to buy each and every child in the Elementary section a cookie decorated with a crown to eat precisely at the time of your wedding? Who would have known that each and every child in the entire school aged up to 18 would be given the opportunity to dress up as if they too were going to the Royal Wedding? (And bearing in mind the cultural differences in what is deemed as 'dressing up', this Friday should be an interesting day indeed, especially for the teachers in our secondary school establishment.)

What brilliance it was to create a day when wedding cake would be on sale outside the school cafeteria at break-time to raise funds for... well, actually, I have to say I had somewhat tuned out at this stage of the announcement process, so I don't actually know what for. I have to admit I'm not sure that the inclusion of a 'groom's cake' (whatever the hell that is) as an alternative to the traditional white-iced cake is something you would approve of, but I'll go with that. Despite the fact that the purist in me believes offering an alternative to the love-it or hate-it fruit cake is a bit of a cop out, but then of course other nations aren't as hardened to dried fruit as we British are...

I'm sure that the last thing you envisaged was a display outside our secondary school library in downtown Moscow featuring a somewhat dated wedding dress and morning suit, and inviting all the students to share in your nuptial celebrations, but there you go, that's just one of the wonders of our global society, I suppose. And I for one can't wait for all the students to toast you in a mixture of apple juice and sparkling water at the moment that you take your vows.

So, all the best on Friday. There's an expat population in Moscow rooting for you, that's for sure. As well as a certain blogger who is wondering if perhaps the celebrations over here might be just a little excessive...

Yours, fondly and of course reverently,

Potty Mummy

PS; Would it be too much, do you think, for me to storm the school offices after a few glasses of Pimms, dressed in full garden party attire, to commandeer the PA system to play 'God Save The Queen' whilst eating cucumber sandwiches?

Update, same evening...

Dear Wills and Kate,

OK, I admit it. I know when I'm beaten. I have just spoken to my sister and it appears that a full-scale garden-party-clad assault on the school offices just isn't up to par compared to what's going on at her elementary school. I'm sure you know all about it as no doubt similar festivities are happening at schools across the Kingdom, but just in case not here's a brief summary to warm your hearts...

Not only is there a full scale party planned (I guess on Thursday, since none of the children will be in school on Friday), but...

Names were pulled out of a hat and 1 girl and 1 boy were selected to represent you at the school. It is a complete coincidence that their names just happen to be Will and Kate in real life, apparently. Personally, if I were the mum of a disappointed Jemima and Peter, I would be asking to check the rest of the tickets to make sure no dirty tricks were being played on this one - but then perhaps I've been in Russia too long...

The lucky couple will dress up for the festivities, when (it gets better)...

...the local priest has been co-opted to 'marry' them.

One of the parents (who, arguably, might be getting a bit carried away by the whole thing) has sourced a miniature coach for the lucky pair to arrive in...(here comes the coup de grace)...

...and has also supplied 2 horse outfits for two other lucky poppets to dress up in to pull it, Wills and Kate, across the playground to their wedding destination in the school hall.

Anyone else able to top that?