More stuff and nonsense

Apologies; a self-indulgent rant follows. I would click away now if I were you...


Last week I had a too-close encounter with another car. Below is a paraphrased e-mail I sent today to my insurance company - with one or two amendments for the sake of entertaining t'internet...


To whom it may concern (is anybody listening? Hello? Helloooo? Anybody?),

following my conversation earlier today with a member of your 3rd party team regarding claim no: xxxx, (where it became clear to me that not a single fact I have previously provided you with about this incident has actually been filed anywhere useful or accessible), please find attached a scanned copy of the letter I recieved from the 3rd Party's solicitor Claimit & Rip M. Orf this morning, along with two photographs of both cars involved in the accident.

As I stated on the phone in our earlier call, I seriously doubt that there was any injury at all sustained by Mr X (other than, it seems, some damage to his reality filter); at the time he appeared fine and stated to me that he might not even make a claim, and in that case he would simply ask me to make good the damage to his car by paying a garage of his choice to repair it. I am not however disputing that this accident was my responsibility, and for your records what happened was as follows:

At approximately blah time on blah date, I was turning right onto Busy Road from Quiet Back Route Lane. Mr X was coming from the opposite side of the crossroads and was going straight over. (He saw me coming). He stopped suddenly (he said at the time this was to avoid a cyclist) (whom I never actually saw but who's existence I didn't question at the time because I am a gullible twit) at which point my driver's door scraped his rear bumper. I fully accept that this was my fault, and was because I had wrongly anticipated that his car would have moved from the point where I actually hit him when I started the turn (So sue me. Oh, right. He is doing...)

I was driving at no more than 5 miles an hour at the time. It is possible to see that my speed was not excessive from the photographs attached (both timed and dated) which I took with my phone (because apparantly although I may be a gullible twit I am, thank god, not a stupid one), where it is clear that neither my door nor Mr X's bumper are even dented; they are only scratched (a good clean and a bit of turtlewax would probably take it out, but let's not split hairs). Whilst I have not of course seen him since the accident and so don't know about any long term physical effects he's suffered, nor been present at any assessment of damage to his car, it seems excessive for him to claim not only for a replacement vehicle but for whiplash as well, when it was a relatively minor incident (which resulted in the need for only cosmetic repairs to a car that was frankly in not that good a state to begin with. And his car wasn't that great, either...).

Please note that as requested during my conversation with your office (call centre), I have contacted Claimit & Rip M. Orff by telephone and spoken to Mr D'Odgy, and have given him your details and the claim reference number. I have also explained to him, as you requested, that from this point on all contact should be between them and yourselves, (instead of the almost daily calls from various legal representatives of the Mr X asking me to repeat again - and again and again and again - the details of the accident. The reasons for which - now that I've recieved their letter - have become clear; I've been blithely giving them the true story whilst he has been making me out to be the worst driver since Dick Dastardly, and the two stories clearly don't match.). Mr D'Odgy has confirmed that he now has all the information he requires and that I do not need to forward him any further information on this matter.

Please don't hesitate to get in touch if you have any questions or need further clarification on this matter. (I appreciate that it's not my decision as to how you proceed with this but personally I think Mr X is taking the michael something awful and if you fall for this then I may well be forced to take my business elsewhere, since paying out for such nonsense claims is obviously where my too-high premiums are going.) (Or I will, once I get my no-claims bonus back, that is). (In about 10 years, probably).

Best regards,

Potty Mummy


Right, now that's out of my system, it's time to deal with the pr exec who sent me a useless non-Potty-Diaries-relevant press-release and then followed it up only 10 minutes later with a second e-mail chasing me on whether or not I was going to use it...


And - breeeeaaaaathe.

Note: normal service - possibly featuring Boy #2's Patented Pooh Classification System - will resume tomorrow.